Been with bf four years, I want to get married...he doesn't want to talk about it.

[msjeanni]

I have been with my boyfriend for over four years now. At the beginning he used to talk about marrying me. We have talked about it in the course of our relationship and have even gotten in arguments about it because he seems to have a problem with it. Now talking about it seems to be a sore subject with him. I want to get married someday, and he does not seem to want to, although we have a great relationship and he says he loves me all the time. I'm confused. I'm wondering if I should waste anymore of my time. I want to start the next stages in my life. Help. Any advice I would appreciate.

[Tony T]

It seems you and your boyfriend aren't now on the same page. Many people are married and divorced in the time the two of you have been together. Go find a man who is excited about being with you for the rest of his life, a man you love and who loves you in return. It doesn't make sense to stay with a guy who doesn't want to marry you more than anything else. He sounds like a real dud. When you find the right person, it should be a time of great joy, not indifference or unwillingness to talk about it.

[Susan34]

why must you marry? I don't understand the urge to get the piece of paper. It will just cost you more when you want that divorce in a few years not to mention the dificulty in finding men after you've been married.

[Beffie40]

It's perfectly reasonable to want to marry after 4 years. I understand msjeannie's desire. When you love someone and have a great relationship, being together always is something that just comes naturally. And it's not all about the "urge to get a piece of paper". It's about love and commitment.

[GIZMO]

Hello,

 

I feel your pain.. I was with a man for 7 years, he would always tell me that when the time is right he would put that ring on my finger.. Well, after 6 years of talking about getting married he finally did put that ring on my finger, he even set a date with me.. Then.. he canceled everything.. Now we broke up and I am completely heart broken..

 

The best advise I can give you is not to wait around and HOPE that one day he will marry you.. If you guys have already been together for years and he still can not even talk about it with you... Then I would say to move on.. Don't wait around like me.. I am kicking myself in the butt now.. I wasted so many years..

 

I know love is hard, and I am sure you are like me where you feel this man is the ONE for you.. But, the fact is.. maybe you are not the ONE for him, so right now he can have his cake and eat it too with you.. He knows you will wait, and you will always be there..

 

Don't wait around.. I am telling you, It is killing me now, I am as well in my late 20's and now I am 100% lost because of this man.. He destroyed so many things, don't let this man do it to you either..

 

If he is not at the same point in life as you are, and he does not feel as strong about you as you do for him... Then it is time to walk away and find a man that will love you and want to be with you for life..

 

I hope this helps and I am here for you..

 

Good Luck..

[Beffie40]

gizmo, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that you are hurting. It may sound really goofy and idealistic now, but remember that someone 100% better will come along for you. thanks for sharing your wisdom with us. I wish you love and peace.

[estrasa]

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Gizmo's post meant so much to me. I was in a 6 year dead end relationship. I was under the impression that when the time was right, we were out of school etc., that my ex was going to propose to me. Never happened. I finally realized that it was time to move on. It hurt me to leave the relationship, because it was what I knew. That man had become my best friend, my companion, my everything. The only thing we fought about WAS the lack of committment.

 

I was blind, because there were signs all throughout the relationship saying it was not meant to be. I just refused to notice or even care about what was so obviously pointing to relationship failure.

 

 

I to regret WASTING those years of my life hoping that one day he would want to marry me. Why was I giving him all of tha power in the first place? I was saying that he was more important than I was...which was wrong.

I now know what I want, and I will not settle for anything less. If you don't do anything else...please hear this: If he is getting angry that you are asking him to commit to ATLEAST giving information on a marriage timeline... something is WRONG. The same thing happened to me...HE DOES NOT WANT TO MARRY YOU... You have every right in the world to discuss marriage with him. It's your life, and you should be concerned with its direction.

 

Save yourself time and pain. Take a real look at what he's been saying to you all along with his words and his actions. It is there that you will find your answer.

Good Luck!

[Layla]

Hi, this is my story to the subject.

 

Guys! You love someone so much it hurts! Why don't you take her off the market?? Post: 1 | Quote:

 

I have posted on this one before but will try to be short.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for over one and a half years. He is a GREAT guy! He is 32 and I am 28. He loves me so much and asked me to move in with him after a few months of being together. He had never even considered asking one of his ex-girlfriends to move in with him, come on business trips with him, drive his car ;-) etc..

 

He tells me he loves me so much and that I am the most important person in his life! I am not exagerating but there is so much love between the two of us and we both agree that we are so lucky.

 

Every single morning he wakes up, rolls over and gives me a very intensive hug thanking me for being in his life. He always falls asleep holding me when we go to bed. I told him that I was sure that he was so kind and affectionate with everyone of his other girlfriends and he said he hated cuddles because they prevent you from sleeping and that he hadn't said "I love you" to most of his short term girlfriends. He often tells me "I love you so much it hurts"

 

All his best friends said to me that he has gone from this absolutely independent guy to someone who has FINALLY really fallen in love. They are very happy for him and I get on very well with his friends and family.

 

He has got significantly more money than me (just bought an expensive house) when I have always been an Academic studying for years, doing my PhD, studying all kinds of languages etc.

 

Well, I did my PhD in economics, therefore am starting to cashing in now.

 

My question to all those guys out there: When you love a woman more than you have ever loved anyone; don't you want to take her off the market? I am quite pretty and guys keep falling in love with me. I have never had problems pulling the quality type of guys but I DO WANT this one.

 

Why hasn't he proposed yet?? What is missing?

 

I am glad about any input from your sides?

 

 

So, officially we have not had the talk yet :-( the thought of him not wanting to marry me one day is so painful that I do not dare to ask

[Kat]

Marriage and babies used to make my partner cringes. We have been together just shy of 3 years and if we walk past a jeweller he sometimes points out wedding rings he likes.

 

It gets me all gooey but I know it won't happen for years.

 

You just have to wait.

 

Don't pressure anyone into marrying you

[Layla]

Hey Kat

 

You are probably right but I still think that you should have a right to hear his "absolute" truth about how he sees you and whether he sees you as his future wife.

[Kat]

Originally posted by Layla

Hey Kat

 

You are probably right but I still think that you should have a right to hear his "absolute" truth about how he sees you and whether he sees you as his future wife.

 

Agreed. Communication + Truth = Best for both

[Just Shelly]

I am in an unusual relationship. I'll give the basics. We met two years ago. We started seriously seeing each other a year ago. I moved halfway across the United States to be with this guy. He told me we would get married...someday.

We have both been married and divorced a couple of times before. All for various reasons. Between us..we have seven kids. Neither one of us wants any more children.

We have both decided that we definitely have found our soulmate. We both want to get married to each other someday. However,because of our past experiences in relationships,we have both agreed that we are not in any hurry to do so.

There are some things that we both have learned from our past experiences in relationships. Here are some of them.

If you do NOT communicate. You will not make it.

When you argue, get upset, etc..and I said WHEN! It does NOT mean that the relationship is over. It means that within this bed of roses..you have finally found a thorn.

What you do with this thorn is up to both of you.

Just always remember...this too shall pass.

Always make up before you go to sleep for the night...ALWAYS. No matter whose fault you think it is.

What you reap is what you sow.

Always give each other compliments...even if you really don't feel like it.

And the MOST IMPORTANT thing is this....

 

Love is not a feeling. Feelings come and go. Love is a DECISION!

 

Decide right now whether you really want to be together or not..and don't forget it!

If you decide to be together. STICK to that decision regardless of how hard you have to work on it.

 

A word of advice though...

If you have done all you can on your part...and he isn't holding up his end of the rope. Let go of the rope!

A relationship cannot be carried by ONE...it takes TWO!