Star Gazer Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 When I asked the last guy I dated what kind of sexual fantasy I could help fulfill, he said "A threesome." Um, no. I bolded the key part above. I really think almost ALL men have the 2-girls, 1-guy threesome fantasy. Whether they expect/want to ever be able to act it out (and with who) separates the relationship-guys from the not-capable-of-relationship guys. My BF and I recently discussed sexual fantasies, things we've never done, want to do, etc. He said he's always wanted to try a threesome, but then added without hesitation, "...but that's obviously not going to happen now. ;)" He knows how grossly inappropriate a threesome is in a relationship. Your guy obviously didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
whitburn1986 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Threesomes. Ugh. Not a nice thing. Sorry to be so blunt - but they are just a bit too, well, an excuse to cheat. If you're in a relationship you don't cheat/get off with someone else/whatever. End of. They bring out the worst in relationships, not the best, and open up a Pandora's box of negative emotions. Don't go there. I'd never do it, and I'm glad I haven't ever been involved in one. As for people saying "It's a standard male fantasy", that's stereotyping; some men would be disgusted by the thought of it, including me. Just avoid them - threesomes bring out negative emotion and hurt, and no positive gain can ever come from one. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 .... threesomes bring out negative emotion and hurt, and no positive gain can ever come from one. I don't think that's true, in my experience they just make things really busy and it's a lot to manage. Link to post Share on other sites
FlyGuy82 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Guy hold on. I dont feel its an excuse to cheat. I think its something different. Ive heard its great as a once off thing in a relationship to spice things up. This is pretty coming from the gf is bisexual point of view. That way, the girl can involve herself with another girl as bi girls fantasize about and the guy can experience watching two girls doing that which all guys fantasize about. Also the other girl can help the girlfriend to give the guy feelings he's never experienced. I would personally love to get head from two girls!!! If both people are prepared for it, are trusting, know that it is more than likely a once of and have found someone to do it with who they can trust then I dont see a problem. I didnt have a threesome before I got together with my fiance though I did start fantasizing about one just before I got together with her. My fiance however had one with her best friend(guy. who's virginity she took 2-3 years beforehand) and hisGF only 4-6 weeks before I got together with her. She said it was weird but she likes the idea. She was up for one when we started going out but trust has become a bit of an issue since then so she doesnt want to have a 3some with me but rather a foursome. She says that is fairer. Now Im sad because a 3some is my fantasy and I cant do it. I wanted to just once make it happen. Just so I could experience it. If it was good, great! if not, ok thats fine it doesnt have to ever happen again! I feel kinda resentful that she likes girls and as a result likes the threesome idea, has had one at the invitation of a friend and now, wont have one with me. Bummer Link to post Share on other sites
soconfused01 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 it would be a deal breaker for me. it's one thing to share that he has that fantasy, because lots of people do, but if my partner indicated that it would be something he'd want to do after meeting me, I'd be hurt that he wanted to share me with someone else, male or female, because I wouldn't want to share him and there would be no future for us Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Just to make this clear...some of you are saying that you would dump your SO if they had a FANTASY about a threesome? or is it if they wanted to actually do it? There is a fine line between fantasizing about it and actually wanting to do it. If you fantasize about it, it means you'd like to do it, no? But if a SO of mine told me that one of her fantasies was a 3some, it would be adios! Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 it would be a deal breaker for me. it's one thing to share that he has that fantasy, because lots of people do, but if my partner indicated that it would be something he'd want to do ... What if it was something he'd already done? Link to post Share on other sites
Ostia Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 There is a fine line between fantasizing about it and actually wanting to do it. If you fantasize about it, it means you'd like to do it, no? But if a SO of mine told me that one of her fantasies was a 3some, it would be adios! I don't really think so... fantasy and reality are two different things. I have to admit that I had some fantasies on 3somes but i'm fully aware that those are only fantasies and that in reality it would have consequences (actually i would probably be the jealous one) and probably also doesnt work as 'smoothly' as in your fantasies. So just fantasizing doesn't necessarily mean that the person who fantasizes doesn't want it to be realized cause they know they won't be able to cope with it themselves. So even though i have the fantasies I wouldnt want one ever and if a partner tries to pressure me into one it would be a full out no for me. Fantasies are different though from my perspective Link to post Share on other sites
soconfused01 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 What if it was something he'd already done? actually, in my case it IS something my partner has already experienced before we were together. He doesn't however, want to do that in the future. If my partner indicated this is something he wanted to do after being in a relationship with me, it would be the same as hearing "I would like to have sex with other people." that's essentially what he would be saying anyway and it would be over Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I don't really think so... fantasy and reality are two different things. Well I don't think you'd fantasize about things you do NOT want to do. You don't fantasize about having feces smeared in your face.....or do you? j/k If you didn't want to do it, it wouldn't be a fantasy. Unless you are a glutton for punishment, then I guess anything could be a fantasy. I have to admit that I had some fantasies on 3somes but i'm fully aware that those are only fantasies and that in reality it would have consequences Not talking about refraining from acting out fantasies. You can have them and still want to do them, you just choose not to because of "consequences". So I guess its just best for people to keep their fantasies to themselves if it involves slighting your significant other. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Well if my GF wanted to be with another girl I'd be OK with it but I'd probably stipulate that *I* won't do anything with the other girl, just my GF. The things I participated in were not part of any other 'pair' relationship so it wasn't weird in that way, just odd in some logistical ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Ostia Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Well I don't think you'd fantasize about things you do NOT want to do. Well to some extent yes to some extent no... the nice thing about fanasies is that you can have as many as you want and whatever you want. But to want something in ur mind doesnt mean u want it in real life. So back to the 3some example... i said i had fantasies about it BUT i would never do it because I know that my personality just wouldn't work that way I would feel as if I'm cheating on my partner even if my partner doesn't feel that way, I would probably also not have the self-confidence to try it out, I also know that I most likely wouldn't enjoy it in real life. The point of fanatasies is for me that you can cross out issues that would bug you in real life, but you know that fanatsies are NOT real they are in ur imagination so you should also know that they will NEVER be the same in ur imagination as they are in reality. Knowing that you can have fantasies without ever wanting them to become true because u know as perfect or nice they may appear to be in ur imagination they'll never be in real life. That's not to say that there aren't fantasies that you actaully want to try out but then u'd have to express explicitly that u want to experience it and not only that you are fantasizing about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Well if my GF wanted to be with another girl I'd be OK with it but I'd probably stipulate that *I* won't do anything with the other girl, just my GF. The things I participated in were not part of any other 'pair' relationship so it wasn't weird in that way, just odd in some logistical ways. And if she wanted another guy involved? You'd have to say yes, otherwise it would be a double standard. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 And if she wanted another guy involved? You'd have to say yes, otherwise it would be a double standard. Bull****. If *I* wanted a guy involved then she would have to say yes. Get it right. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Bull****. If *I* wanted a guy involved then she would have to say yes. Get it right. Yikes, hit a nerve? I did get it right, I said if SHE wanted another guy involved. I didn't say if YOU did. It would more than likely be HER that would want a 3some with another guy, not you....unless you are.....you know. Link to post Share on other sites
AAlike Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 see I would be all ok with the idea that this dude was being insensitive or proving that he was not ready for a relationship IF he had brought up this notion of a threesome fantasy of his own accord and/or without any indication that she would be up for that. However, if I were the ex-BF in question, and my girlfriend asked me said question about "what fantasy she could help fulfill", it would make me assume that she is very likely the type of person (of which there are many, by the way - not saying that it's wrong or right) that could do something outside of the box for spontaneity and keep it from infiltrating the relationship. I guess what I'm saying OP is that I don't think that you should take his answer to be the slap in the face that you are taking it to be. Of course what is permissable to be willing to act upon while in a relationship is defined solely on the comfort level of the partner - however, by asking that question, I think that perhaps he (understandably) looked at it as you saying that you are willing to stretch those boundaries a little bit. maybe he thought you'd enjoy it too, or maybe it's just the first thing that popped into his head - but in no way should it imply that you are "not good enough". I mean, what were you expecting him to say? Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Yikes, hit a nerve? No, you are just wrong, twice now. Originally I said if she wanted a girl I was OK with it. The opposite of that would be if *I* wanted a guy. Are you tracking now? Link to post Share on other sites
Asami Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Threesomes. Ugh. Not a nice thing. Sorry to be so blunt - but they are just a bit too, well, an excuse to cheat. If you're in a relationship you don't cheat/get off with someone else/whatever. End of. They bring out the worst in relationships, not the best, and open up a Pandora's box of negative emotions. Don't go there. I'd never do it, and I'm glad I haven't ever been involved in one. As for people saying "It's a standard male fantasy", that's stereotyping; some men would be disgusted by the thought of it, including me. Just avoid them - threesomes bring out negative emotion and hurt, and no positive gain can ever come from one. I agree, amen to that. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkKittyKat Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 As someone who has both been in a threesome(M/M/F), and has offered EVERY SINGLE one of my bf's in the past threesomes (either M/M/F or M/F/F, their choice, since I'm bisexual) I have to say that a lot of guys talk the talk, but won't walk the walk. I was a pretty kinky sexually adventurous girl from 15-24. And almost every single bf turned me down. Some thought it was a test and said "No, honey of COURSE not!" way too fast and then when I assured them it was not, and I wanted to do it, they said yes, and then thought about it and decided "No." still! This despite my prodding and encouragement. When I got involved with my current bf, a threesome was one of his MAIN fantasies, and I thought BINGO! But a bit of pondering on his part as he actually considered the reality of the situation and he honestly decided not to. That he wants me all to himself, and likewise. I was disappointed at first, since I had hoped to pull him along in my fetish club hobby, but as we grew closer, I respected him for not doing it. I now am happily monogamous. So try not to get too upset. He may SAY it's his biggest fantasy, but when offered, most guys are content to let it remain a FANTASY. And he probably doesn't actually want another girl besides you in bed with him in REALITY. And if he does, maybe you should send him in a time machine into my past where NO GUYS would step up to a threesome, LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 No, you are just wrong, twice now. Originally I said if she wanted a girl I was OK with it. The opposite of that would be if *I* wanted a guy. Are you tracking now? Who said anything about being "opposite". See if you can understand this. You would be OK if she asked if a girl could joing you and her. But what if she wanted it to be another guy? Link to post Share on other sites
citizen67 Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 I had a bf who wanted to do the MFF 3some thing - he asked, knowing I wasn't into it, but I sort of called his bluff and said I'd do it if he'd do a MMF 3some with me. He said ok, and I said and the MMF goes 1st and he said forget it - I don't know if he figured we'd do the MFF and then he'd back out of the MMF, or if he didnt trust me to do the MFF after we did the MMF Link to post Share on other sites
acromacro2 Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 well from a guys perspective....i have been in a serious relationship for over 2 years...i have lived with my gf...and remained extremely close...our intimate life has always been extremely good...but we have never had a 3some....that fantasy question i had been asked before...and i told her it was my fantasy to have a 3some...at first she was mad at me...thinking i wanted a 3some because i was not satisfied with her...but i told her otherwise most guys do not want a 3some because their gf cannot please them...that is completely inaccurate...my gf can please me better than any woman ever...and she knows that...for most guys...a 3some is the primary fantasy because the guy is able to see the person he loves and cares for, get it on with another girl...ofcourse the guy does not want this to consumer his gf's life...but there is something very sexy and pleasing about seeing your SO get it on not only with you...but with another girl while the guy is still there.... I dont want a 3some as an excuse for me to get physical with another woman...i want a 3some because it lets me see my gf with another girl...which to most guys is the sexiest thing possible...and it allows me to take another step in our intimate life together... Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 But what if she wanted it to be another guy? I would never ask for another girl and I wouldn't want her to be with another guy. Still 100% consistent here. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 As a man who has had a MFF threesome, I would say that they are wayyyy overrated. Different people get aroused at different rates and also appreciate different sex acts and positions. Two people( in a relationship) can usually agree on what to do and when to do it. Adding a third person, who is usually better known to one partner than to the other, upsets the dynamics considerably. What with all the potential issues, jealousy, std's, who does what to whom, my advice is to keep it at 2. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I would never ask for another girl and I wouldn't want her to be with another guy. Still 100% consistent here. Uh no, you're not. You said you'd be OK with a 3some with you, your gf, and another girl. But here you are saying you wouldn't want her to be with another guy. So you would be OK with another girl in the mix. So if I'm hearing correctly in your above statement, you would not be ok with a MFM 3some? MFF yes? MFM no? Link to post Share on other sites
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