Would you fk someone for money?

[Tomcat33]

And of course he must be tall, handsome, kind, funny, monogamous, caring, strong, trustworthy,single, sane, straight, which would further lower this %.

 

 

 

Right because those are ALL unrealistic expectations to have of a mate?

 

Not only do you think women are second rate citizens you also believe that we should lower our expectations and settle for second rate qualities in men because that is all we are worth. Unless of course we are 21.

 

Honestly Vonerik step away from the computer, take a shower, get dressed and take a walk in the real world and wear lots of padding on your butt because when you fall down on your azz from the shock of reality, your azz is gonna hurt.

[movingonandon]

Right because those are ALL unrealistic expectations to have of a mate?

 

 

They are not unrealistic individually, but the combination of *all of the above* (+$$$) is unrealistic. The funny guy has no money, the guy with the monjey is an insecure jerk, etc. etc. etc. I'm not interested in continuing the apparently sensitive topic of money, but stand behind my initial conviction that getting too hung up on traits beyond mutual attraction and a honest, trustworthy character can be silly, and indeed self-sabotaging if followed this militantly. Sure, I too want a model with a rocket science degree, who craves blowjobs and cooks awesome meals while being an excellent mom and enviable social companion, but I don't waste any time even thinking about that, because "that" does not exist (or if it does - costs more effort than I'll ever be willing to put into seducing and dealing with a woman). Instead, I will happily marry the first stable/strong, trustworthy, and loyal girl that enjoys spending time with me for the sake of it, even if she has a mediocre job. My ex had an enormous earning potential, but none of that mattered when it came to the quality of our relationship.

[movingonandon]

Totally! No messing around. He just does it. We had this incident with the valet bringing the wrong car. He just took charge and with no fuss, no spoiled tantrum or anger, had the guy bring the right car in record time. The valet refused to accept payment or his tip, saying it was his mistake. My snowman made him take the tip. It was a pretty cool exchange.

 

Oh, puhleeese . I understand that you're all giddy and that's great, but, really, any guy with the smallest beginning of common sense would know how to handle this little "drama" . Ahh, the trials of modern life

[boxing123]

Yes some women marvel at how men easily handle the slightest adversity,and other day to day trivial annoyances, when they themselves would be completely and totally frazzled and unsure of what to do.

 

Tomcat, if you feel you are entitled to a man with all of these traits PLUS a certain income level, then go for it and good luck. It really just shows how much of a fantasy land many women live in. Let us hope for your sake that when he meets you, he is not nearly as picky, and is also willing to open his wallet and bank account to you immediately. As he also must be "Generous", and willing to pay for your company, while only wanting you, and just you.

[Tomcat33]

They are not unrealistic individually, but the combination of *all of the above* (+$$$) is unrealistic.

 

Every single guy I ended up in an ltr with had ALL those qualities in varying degrees. Every single one of them. Except for the straight, sane and monogamous, caring, single and trustworthy part which they were 100% of.

 

You two think you are the only two men on earth who are trustworthy and "sane", and caring? Let me assure you, you are not. There are a LOT of men that are that and have alot more great qualities to compliment the overall great package. I have never settled for less than what I find attractive in a man, NEVER. And NEVER will.

 

Tomcat, if you feel you are entitled to a man with all of these traits PLUS a certain income level, then go for it and good luck. It really just shows how much of a fantasy land many women live in. Let us hope for your sake that when he meets you, he is not nearly as picky, and is also willing to open his wallet and bank account to you immediately. As he also must be "Generous", and willing to pay for your company, while only wanting you, and just you.

 

That's been my experience every time. Too bad you find that hard to believe but I wouldn't have these aspirations if I didn't have a proven track record of attracting guys who offer me all those things. And I dunno about that "opening his bank account to me" bit, they have been very generous from the get-go yeah they have, but I am not looking for anyone to open any bank account to me I have my own bank account thank you very much.

[BareGoddess]

AHHH..

 

See ladies. A man is "childish" if he has a passion not related to money.

 

Women do not understand this. Men have hobbies they love, NOT related to money, and NOT related to marriage, and not related to serial dating to find a high income earning woman. .

 

So ladies, I understand seemingly all of you have disqualifed 80% of single men based on income alone. What makes you gems better than 80% of the women?(The avg male salary in America is 40k. I am guessing most of you are hoping for 60, 80, 100 250 500k?)

 

And of course he must be tall, handsome, kind, funny, monogamous, caring, strong, trustworthy,single, sane, straight, which would further lower this %.

 

Are you younger? hotter? Know how to treat a man better? Why should one of the top 1-2 % keep you? Just what do you offer better than the other 98% of females?

 

Well, let's see. My ex-H fit all those, well except maybe for the "sane" part which is why I divorced him. My H fits every single one of those qualities you listed. Yeah, I know I shrunk my pool of available men by having those expectations, but so what? The alternative would have been to lower my standards and I was simply not going to do that. I would have just stayed single before I'd lower my expectations/standards.

 

You ask what "we" offer that's better than 98% of the females out there. I don't know. Maybe you should ask my H. But I can tell you my theory. On a superficial level we're all above average looking. (Yes, I've seen the other ladies' pics.) Intelligence wise, absolutely above average. So right there, maybe that might answer your question.

 

My H dated smart good-looking women before me. He says I was the best looking and the smartest though. Which I guess is why after a month he proposed. It didn't hurt that we were/are extremely compatible.

 

So I don't know if that answers your question but that is my reality.

[Trialbyfire]

Oh, puhleeese . I understand that you're all giddy and that's great, but, really, any guy with the smallest beginning of common sense would know how to handle this little "drama" . Ahh, the trials of modern life

Really? I've seen this little drama being handled all the wrong ways by assorted men and women, whether I was with them or just a spectator.

 

Words and assumptions are meaningless until you're in the exact situation. Actions will define who you really are.

[BareGoddess]

I think what these guys don't get about why this is a big deal is this:

 

The thing is that many times successful capable men (and women) used to having their way can be azzholes. Lots are perfectionists who have no patience with mediocrity or with other people's incompetence (as they see it.)

 

It's hard to find a man who is successful, capable, self-assured AND kind to others in all walks of life. It's really hard to find men like that who don't also look down on others.

 

So yeah, I thought that was an excellent example to give to illustrate this man's character TBF.

 

It's no small thing really. It speaks volumes as to his character.

[2sure]

As to the original question:

 

I have. In fact, I almost married for money.

I was single, had a daughter, and was struggling. I was dating and had previous relationships with no regard for the guy's financial status. And I was coming up with zero. I got to the point that I thought I had no soul mate, that I was not going to fall in love.

 

So, since I believed I was only dating for fun - I started dating only guys that could give me the most fun. I didnt date anyone I wasnt attracted to, but they were usually a few years older and with money. I figured I woud get married, not so much for love, but for quality of life and companionship.

 

Eventually, there was one with a LOT of money. He wanted a trophy wife and I was bored with dating. We got engaged and he went to Europe for the summer with his kids. I was sad that we were not really in love, but knew I would at least have a exceptionally comfortable life. Emotionally, I was struggling.

 

While he was gone, I met someone out of the blue. He is my soulmate. I broke up with the ultra rich guy and married my soulmate. He is maybe considered more well off than average - but thats not why I married him.

[Trialbyfire]

I think what these guys don't get about why this is a big deal is this:

 

The thing is that many times successful capable men (and women) used to having their way can be azzholes. Lots are perfectionists who have no patience with mediocrity or with other people's incompetence (as they see it.)

 

It's hard to find a man who is successful, capable, self-assured AND kind to others in all walks of life. It's really hard to find men like that who don't also look down on others.

 

So yeah, I thought that was an excellent example to give to illustrate this man's character TBF.

 

It's no small thing really. It speaks volumes as to his character.

Negative behaviour can be ascribed to all walks of life. From the man who has little but gets a taste of "power" over another, to the man who has everything, unable to curb his own sense of entitlement.

 

Yes, it did illustrate his character to me, which meshed with what I'd already heard and experienced from him. When things don't jive, that's when you really need to sit up and watch carefully. I've had experiences where it was like having double vision.

[BareGoddess]

Yes, I agree that negative behavior is seen in people from all walks of life/incomes, etc. I was just saying that maybe it's more concentrated in those who are successful and used to getting their way.

 

Maybe that's why the guys on here didn't see what the big deal was about it. How could they know that, right?

[Trialbyfire]

Okay BG, I get where you're coming from and don't disagree.

[Hi Powered]

These "rich men who you do not fancy at all" come along maybe once in a lifetime. It is something to consider particularly in this economic climate.

 

My chances of getting another job are quite slim, too many people applying for the same few jobs and i am not securing interviews. I had a good job, and a good lifestyle, it sounds awful but the thought of living of benefits and having to live elsewhere is enough to make sane independent woman consider this.

 

I have tried so many dating methods. I have dated a lot of men who have little money but had looks/chemistry - in the end the fact that they didnt drive, couldnt hold down a job and couldnt pay for meals etc was the breaking point. You simply cannot ignore the money issues.

 

I have also dated a few men with money and they have been arrogant *********s, chasing everything in a skirt.

 

I have not dated the in between ones simply because i havnt found them.

 

I dont think it is ideal but i have tried finding a soulmate and it is setting myself up for diseaster. Now I am in financial trouble with bills mounting up and a man i previously rejected is willing to help out - it is an option - it simply has to be. Choice between meagre state handouts and free board?

 

Issue is I do not want to fk him - money or no money. How do i get around that?

[Trialbyfire]

While I don't know your entire situation OP, is using someone something you're comfortable doing?

[BareGoddess]

Hi-Powered. There's no way around it. Have some pride. Don't prostitute yourself.

 

I'm sorry for what you've been going through but surely you must have other/better options than what you're contemplating. You'll only regret it and it will make you feel worse in the end. NOT worth it.

 

I'd take the state handouts before I'd do what you're thinking of doing. You'd essentially be prostituting yourself you know.

 

Have you considered moving to another area where employment prospects are better?

 

Hell, I'd work at McDonalds first! I'm serious.

[Hi Powered]

You read articles about the men that kill themselves because they are in debt or have lost their jobs and their kids can no longer have expensive education, they cannot go on 3 holidays a year - you read these and you mock at how the other half live, you even think it serves them right.

 

But i kind of understand the thinking (im not going to kill myslef tho and i dont have kids to support). I understand the mentality of having lots of cash (whch you do work hard for) and having a certain lifestyle and then one day its all gone very fast.

 

It why did it go?

 

Coz you didnt suck the right ar$$ at work.

 

So the reality is you are stuck. You may have saved - but you have lived in a certain way. You can make cutbacks but you are used to things/people/places etc.

 

This is the mess I have created. I can probably work in mcdonalds but would i ?

 

Im a snob.

 

I am also uncomfortable with fking for money/board.

[Trialbyfire]

I am also uncomfortable with fking for money/board.

So you're just going to find a way to milk this guy for money, without putting out, right?

[The Collector]

This thread reminds me of the great old Tim Hardin song...

 

'If I were a carpenter

And you were a lady

Would you marry me anyway?

Would you have my baby?'

 

LS women - 'Er... gotta go, have a nice life...'

[movingonandon]

Yes, I agree that negative behavior is seen in people from all walks of life/incomes, etc. I was just saying that maybe it's more concentrated in those who are successful and used to getting their way.

 

Maybe that's why the guys on here didn't see what the big deal was about it. How could they know that, right?

 

Haha, aww, I see --> so a rich guy who is nice and socially adequate deserves special credit for being nice in spite of the money ? I wonder why is that , perhaps to convince yourself that that's the true reason that you like him? See, obviously, *all else equal*, the guy with more money is to be preferred (duh...), of course!!! But there is no need to create these elaborate stories about the special significance of his qualities, especially given that those are possessed by most normal guys out there . If your selection of dates was based exclusively on character qualities, then having money would come as a nice surprise, not the other way around (e.g. being nice "in spite" of having money) .

 

Finally, it is insulting to suggest that people who are not rich are nice to people in just because they need the cooperation of others to get their way. I'm not rich by any measure, but have very comfortable life and career, and it would never occur to me that somehow this entitles me to be an azz to people who are less fortunate. And that has nothing to do with "getting my way", but with a proper upbringing .

[Tomcat33]

You read articles about the men that kill themselves because they are in debt or have lost their jobs and their kids can no longer have expensive education, they cannot go on 3 holidays a year - you read these and you mock at how the other half live, you even think it serves them right.

 

But i kind of understand the thinking (im not going to kill myslef tho and i dont have kids to support). I understand the mentality of having lots of cash (whch you do work hard for) and having a certain lifestyle and then one day its all gone very fast.

 

It why did it go?

 

Coz you didnt suck the right ar$$ at work.

 

So the reality is you are stuck. You may have saved - but you have lived in a certain way. You can make cutbacks but you are used to things/people/places etc.

 

This is the mess I have created. I can probably work in mcdonalds but would i ?

 

Im a snob.

 

I am also uncomfortable with fking for money/board.

 

Look I know times are tough and it would be scary to be living without a job in this climate but there ARE jobs out there, there are many jobs out there that you can have and you wouldn't have to sink as low as trading your soul for money. That is a HUGE price to pay and there is no turning back from that.

 

I don't know what line of work you are in but you don't have to go as low as McDonalds you can always get a job as an admin or doing secretarial jobs, reception, waitressing bartending etc you can still make A living from that and guaranteed it will be more than minimum wage. You don't even have kids HiPower, snap out of it girl!!

 

People start from the bottom again all the time, people's careers catch them off guard and some have even lost it all and have had to literally start from the ground up again there is NO shame in that, but using another human being for his money when you know you don't feel the same for them is just demoralizing, for him AND for you.

 

Personally I couldn't do it, the thought of having sex with a man that I was not attracted to turns my stomach. Or the idea of spending the rest of my life in a marriage with a man that I don't love is just too much of a sacrifice, no money in the world could entice me.

[BareGoddess]

Haha, aww, I see --> so a rich guy who is nice and socially adequate deserves special credit for being nice in spite of the money ? I wonder why is that , perhaps to convince yourself that that's the true reason that you like him? See, obviously, *all else equal*, the guy with more money is to be preferred (duh...), of course!!! But there is no need to create these elaborate stories about the special significance of his qualities, especially given that those are possessed by most normal guys out there . If your selection of dates was based exclusively on character qualities, then having money would come as a nice surprise, not the other way around (e.g. being nice "in spite" of having money) .

 

Finally, it is insulting to suggest that people who are not rich are nice to people in just because they need the cooperation of others to get their way. I'm not rich by any measure, but have very comfortable life and career, and it would never occur to me that somehow this entitles me to be an azz to people who are less fortunate. And that has nothing to do with "getting my way", but with a proper upbringing .

 

You completely misread and twisted my post.

 

And yeah, "all things being equal" I WOULD choose the guy with money. I didn't have that option though. I fell in love with a man who does very well for himself but is not rich. We are not rich. It was his character and the fact that I was very attracted to him that made me fall in love with him...the rest was gravy.

 

Stop trying to make us out to be superficial golddigers. You don't know me. You don't know my character. I'm neither superficial nor a golddigger and you're the one being insulting by implying this over and over again like a broken record.

[Dumbledore]

over and over again like a broken record.

Dude, are those things still around? You know, it might be more believable if it was a broken MP3 player or iPod or something. (No biggie - re-flashing the firmware may fix it.)

[The Collector]

Would you agree that women in general are more likely to prioritise 'a good salary' when imagining or selecting their ideal mate than men?

[Dumbledore]

Would you agree that women in general are more likely to prioritise 'a good salary' when imagining or selecting their ideal mate than men?

Yes absolutely without a nice wad there would be, a red flag and later if there was an argument with a parking, attendant that would really make my spidey sense kick in which is gut-linked to my fight or flight response and I would be so out of there and I would, still be hawt and he would, be nawt.

 

Naturally all this could have been avoided by, just doing a thorough background check.

[movingonandon]

You completely misread and twisted my post.

 

And yeah, "all things being equal" I WOULD choose the guy with money. I didn't have that option though. I fell in love with a man who does very well for himself but is not rich. We are not rich. It was his character and the fact that I was very attracted to him that made me fall in love with him...the rest was gravy.

 

Stop trying to make us out to be superficial golddigers. You don't know me. You don't know my character. I'm neither superficial nor a golddigger and you're the one being insulting by implying this over and over again like a broken record.

 

 

Nope, I didn't twist your post, just dramatized the silly argument that the rich guy doing commonsensical things such as being nice to the service industry employees is oh so much more adorable because of that and deserves more credit for that than the middle class dude . And one would think that the difference between a 'generalized you' as a shortcut in an argument and a 'personified you' would be obvious to most people with college education. But, one would be obviously wrong.