fishy or not?

[malibustacydoll]

For some reason this situation I am about to describe gives me a red flag. I am looking to see other opinions to see if I am just being jealous and freaking out over nothing or if there could be something more.

 

My boyfriend never really dated before me. He was almost in a relationship with a girl that he grew up with. They were flirtatious but I think neither of them really wanted to ask the other one out or were too afraid to. He met me and she became a bit stalkerish and controling. She added me on facebook. At this time I knew who she was and that she merely wanted to stalk me and see my profile. I played the game and sent her a message asking how I knew her. She never responded and I declined her friendship request. My boyfriend had been in contact with her a bit over our relationship. Six months into it or so I snooped and saw they were texting and had met up over Christmas break. He never told me this but it was new in the relationship and I didn't want to get into a huge fight if it was nothing. I look at his phone/facebook every now and then. We know eachother's passwords and I have nothing to hide. (I don't need to be judged on this because I really don't think this is a big deal and I am more than fine with him looking at mine.) In any case, this last summer she was trying to contact him again. She wants to be "friends" and hangout. I read a long message she had sent him essentially pouring her heart out about how she wished they had a chance together. This bugged me because he was in a relationship with me and that doesn't seem like a very nice thing on her part. I think she was just lonely and she thought she always had him on call if she needed him but now he has someone. Anyway, I would read their messages back and forth on facebook. He took a while to respond at one point and she freaked out and sent the "You will never hear from me again.. blah blah blah" message. On a night that I was quite intoxicated i told him I knew about that message. I warned him not to respond to it. Being a girl, I knew she was just trying to get him to respond and wanted a reaction and that it would be best not to respond and lead her on. He took my advice and did not.

 

Last night I was talking to my bf about trust issues and whatnot. I told him how I used to read some of his facebook messages when I knew he was talking to her. He asked if I saw the one he had gotten like a week ago. I said no because I don't snoop that much anymore. He said she sent him one and he deleted it. I asked what it said and he said not a lot. He didn't go into much more. This makes me really wonder. He NEVER deletes facebook messages. He has her old ones and ones from many people. It isn't something he normally does. This makes me wonder what it said. Maybe it was something like "Oh when we cheated.." or something like that or a threat or who knows. I am just flabbergasted as to why he would delete it. It didn't seem like he was going to ever bring it up to me. I think he did at that moment because he was probably scared that I had seen it before and wanted to find out if I had seen it. I am really confused on if it is something I should worry about. It if was nothing deleting it doesn't make sense to me since he never deletes them....

[norajane]

Or maybe it's a message where she calls you a bitch and not good enough for him and he didn't want you to see that?

 

Bf seems to be doing everything right. He's not responding flirtatiously to her. He didn't reply to her when you asked him to. The only thing he hasn't done is told her not to contact him and he doesn't feel the way she does. Maybe it's time you suggest that he do tat.

[AlektraClementine]

And I would suggest trying not only to "not snoop much anymore", but to not snoop at all. I know it's hard. Especially when it's so easy and he's obviously fine with it. It causes trust to erode in a relationship. Believe me. i know. Even if the 2 of you are fine with snooping. You aren't relying on communication to find things out about each other. You're relying on underhanded information gathering. Does he snoop as much as you do?

 

 

Something the previous poster said may be true. That she said something about you that he thought might upset you. These girls are like this. My BFs ex once told him that I was too charismatic for him. Sounded like a compliment but it was most assuredly not. That was her way of trying to make him feel like he didn't measure up to me. Very sneaky!!

 

Anyway, good luck!

 

p.s. even if it was something about "cheating" that the facebook message was about....things like that don't go undetected forever. Wrongdoings will always surface without the aid of snooping. Your task is to work on full trust in your relationship. Please know that I am not dispensing advice that I am not trying daily to practice in my own life.