I have a small crush on someone...and Im married

[Trialbyfire]

Every potential OMs nightmare. The face-to-face realism of a studlier, more alpha husband!

[Trimmer]

Telling her husband about this is an obvious mistake. It has nothing to do with their relationship. This is completely innocent stuff, and her husband would definitely be questioning why she would bring such an issue up, when there is nothing to it..

 

Bringing her husband into the mix is complete overkill. Like cracking a peanut shell with a sledgehammer. It's a complete waste of time, and it will only end up doing unnecessary damage to the trust built up within a marriage. If you have to test the trust every little moment, it's not trust. That's the whole point.

I agree that it may be overkill to bring her husband to work to introduce him to the guy, but if your refrain is "harmless! innocent! harmless! innocent!" then what's the problem in mentioning to her husband, when they are talking how their days went, about this guy at work. It's Harmless! It's Innocent! Oh, that is, until she actually mentions it to her husband, and then it will do unnecessary damage to the trust built up within the marriage. Which is it?

 

So it's harmelss and innocent, as long as he doesn't find out about it?

[Dumbledore]

Every potential OMs nightmare.

This is where you may be internalising, and creating unnecessary drama on this thread. He, by any definition, is not an OM. Nothing like it. This is just harmless flirting, and the OP is asking whether these feelings are normal.

 

We should all take a step back, and take another shot at answering the OP's question objectively. Creating drama where there is none is doing nothing to help the OP, but seems to be serving as a quest for validation of some poster's points of view on more serious matters.

[Trimmer]

You're welcome carhill. I've used this tactic more than once before without telling my SO of the time about someone who won't back off. This ensures that you don't escalate the drama and create ill-will, in any potentially politically charged situation.

 

Most often, they've meandered off, looking for other prey.

The other thing to note here is that you actually wanted it to stop (I'm assuming from your "someone who won't back off" comment; correct me if I'm wrong.) But I don't think the OP has ever expressed (here anyway) that she wants it to stop, and from what she's described, she hasn't communicated anything like that to Mr. FCW. (And let's be real: waving your wedding ring but continuing to engage is no more than saying "Come closer, just be careful not to step over the edge...")

[Dumbledore]

So it's harmless and innocent, as long as he doesn't find out about it?

Well, my point is that if she makes a song and dance about it to her husband, then she's implicitly saying that she doubts she has his full trust. And I'm pretty sure she does. She can easily handle this herself - the OP is primarily asking for advice on whether these feelings are normal when one is married.

[Trialbyfire]

This is where you may be internalising, and creating unnecessary drama on this thread. He, by any definition, is not an OM. Nothing like it. This is just harmless flirting, and the OP is asking whether these feelings are normal.

 

We should all take a step back, and take another shot at answering the OP's question objectively. Creating drama where there is none is doing nothing to help the OP, but seems to be serving as a quest for validation of some poster's points of view on more serious matters.

Review your own internalizations...

 

Bringing in a spouse who's unaware of the situation will not increase drama.

 

Affairs are like mushrooms that grow in the dark and are fed full of cow poo. Expose them to the light, in realistic terms and many wouldn't even germinate. It's called being proactive, instead of reactive. By the time it's reactive, it's already too late.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

the OP is primarily asking for advice on whether these feelings are normal when one is married.

That's exactly what I'm looking for

[Trialbyfire]

That's exactly what I'm looking for

You've barely been married. This is not normal behaviour in that you're posting about it and enjoying the experience. Give your head a shake, if you value your marriage.

[Dumbledore]

Review your own internalizations...

If only you would take your own advice.

Bringing in a spouse who's unaware of the situation will not increase drama.

A rock-solid relationship is based on trust. Not running to your spouse every five minutes to file a full report on the minutia of office flirting.

Affairs are like mushrooms that grow in the dark and are fed full of cow poo. Expose them to the light, in realistic terms and many wouldn't even germinate. It's called being proactive, instead of reactive. By the time it's reactive, it's already too late.

You have taken the OP's question, and blown it out of all proportion. If that's not internalisation, then I don't know what is.

[Trialbyfire]

OP, do you have any idea how many affairs begin with office flirtations? Read up on the OM/OW and the Infidelity forums. Most believe it starts in innocence. Most can't resist, whether it turns into an emotional affair, a physical affair or a combination of both.

 

You don't sound like a very strong person, if you're currently indulging in something like this when barely married. Point blank, it's very concerning if this is happening so soon into your marriage.

 

You'll find some members validating and enabling you and you'll find others who won't. You have to decide what kind of person you are and for that matter, if you're fine if the shoe was on the other foot, where your husband is also indulging and enjoying, but not disclosing or shutting it down STAT. Think about it and define yourself accordingly.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

OP, do you have any idea how many affairs begin with office flirtations? Read up on the OM/OW and the Infidelity forums. Most believe it starts in innocence. Most can't resist, whether it turns into an emotional affair, a physical affair or a combination of both.

 

You don't sound like a very strong person, if you're currently indulging in something like this when barely married. Point blank, it's very concerning if this is happening so soon into your marriage.

 

You'll find some members validating and enabling you and you'll find others who won't. You have to decide what kind of person you are and for that matter, if you're fine if the shoe was on the other foot, where your husband is also indulging and enjoying, but not disclosing or shutting it down STAT. Think about it and define yourself accordingly.

 

WOW this HAS blown out of proportion...all off a sudden people are talking about affairs...He is the one flirting with me....and I think he's taking my friendliness as flirtation..i don't tell him oh you look god today....he tells me...i don't playfully thrown things at him...he does...I don't leave the notes..he does

how does that constitute me about to have an affair?

[Trialbyfire]

WOW this HAS blown out of proportion...all off a sudden people are talking about affairs...He is the one flirting with me....and I think he's taking my friendliness as flirtation..i don't tell him oh you look god today....he tells me...i don't playfully thrown things at him...he does...I don't leave the notes..he does

how does that constitute me about to have an affair?

I've just requoted myself as a response to you.

 

OP, do you have any idea how many affairs begin with office flirtations? Read up on the OM/OW and the Infidelity forums. Most believe it starts in innocence. Most can't resist, whether it turns into an emotional affair, a physical affair or a combination of both.

You don't sound like a very strong person, if you're currently indulging in something like this when barely married. Point blank, it's very concerning if this is happening so soon into your marriage.

[whichwayisup]

I posted to you (think on page 6) and asked if you're getting anything other than an ego feed out of this. When the flirting is going on, does it make you blush, feel flush and/or turned on? Or is it just for laughs, nothing else?

 

Get your husband to come meet you for lunch one day and then you can introduce your husband to him.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

OP, do you have any idea how many affairs begin with office flirtations? Read up on the OM/OW and the Infidelity forums. Most believe it starts in innocence. Most can't resist, whether it turns into an emotional affair, a physical affair or a combination of both.

 

You don't sound like a very strong person, if you're currently indulging in something like this when barely married. Point blank, it's very concerning if this is happening so soon into your marriage.

 

You'll find some members validating and enabling you and you'll find others who won't. You have to decide what kind of person you are and for that matter, if you're fine if the shoe was on the other foot, where your husband is also indulging and enjoying, but not disclosing or shutting it down STAT. Think about it and define yourself accordingly.

Do you even know how long Ive been married or what kind of person I am?

I doubt it...so please stop telling me you think I'm not a strong person..or this is happening so soon in my 6 year marriage

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I posted to you (think on page 6) and asked if you're getting anything other than an ego feed out of this. When the flirting is going on, does it make you blush, feel flush and/or turned on? Or is it just for laughs, nothing else?

 

Get your husband to come meet you for lunch one day and then you can introduce your husband to him.

 

Oh its all for laughs...i don't get butterflies or blush or anything....its more fun than anything...makes my workday lighter....

They have met...we've all went out to a bar....

[Trialbyfire]

Do you even know how long Ive been married or what kind of person I am?

I doubt it...so please stop telling me you think I'm not a strong person..or this is happening so soon in my 6 year marriage

If you're so strong, then why pander to this? Shut it down.

 

That's my challenge to you. Prove me wrong. I think I'm right.

[MindoverMatter]

For the record, I don't think that an office flirtation is in itself a danger to any relationship. But keeping it hidden from one's partner certainly is.

 

I like the idea of simply letting your husband take you out for lunch one day and casually introduce the people in the office to him. This way, you show a face to the ring on your finger, you can talk to your husband about "that guy in the office who's always joking with me like we were in kindergarten" etc.

 

He might be making all the moves, but you are letting him. You wouldn't have opened a thread here if you wouldn't feel at least a little uneasy about the situation. Some of the responses here might go over the top, but essentially, people are trying to help.

[Dumbledore]

You'll find some members validating and enabling you and you'll find others who won't.

And others internalising.

 

If we're going to mandate that playful office banter be outlawed, and harmless flirting turned into a needless guilt-trip, then life is going to be really, reaaaaaly boring. Not to mention unnecessarily complicated.

 

I suggest that there are a few people on this thread that need to lighten up. Every silver lining doesn't have a cloud, yet many insist on searching for the boogie man in broad daylight. Next thing they'll be claiming that palm trees are a threat to the Siberian landscape.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

If you're so strong, then why pander to this? Shut it down.

 

That's my challenge to you. Prove me wrong. I think I'm right.

My ponder was is this normal....that's my original question....do all married women get small crushes....and is this normal

[Trialbyfire]

Btw, how can getting married in July 2006, constitute a 6 year marriage?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=859328&postcount=1

 

Well......I am now the officially the happiest woman alive. It was beautiful. Everytihng went perfect. Nothing to stress about the day of. Everyone was on time, the ceremony was amazing.

For the ceremony, instead of rice...we did sparklers...Left a little burn hole in my dress..but a little sacrafice for awesome pictures...plus my dress got destroyed taking pictues in the gardens.

Then it was OFF TO JAMAICA!!!! That was awesome..I went cliff diving and horseback riding on the beach.

OH GOD! It was amazing!

I'll let you know when i get pics!

[JamesM]

The title of this thread is....

 

"I have a small crush on someone...and Im married."

 

If this is fun and innocent, then why the title and why the thread?

[whichwayisup]

do all married women get small crushes....

 

Yes.

 

I had a fantastic crush on a guy at my previous job. He was gorgeous and I liked to just watch him from afar. He had no idea about my crush, but then one day he spoke to me (he was in a different department so there was no reason to speak to eachother) and it ruined the crush completely.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I was simply asking if this normal in married women

[Dumbledore]

If you're so strong, then why pander to this? Shut it down.

She's not pandering to anything. This is an innocent and fin exchange, where both parties know exactly where they stand.

That's my challenge to you. Prove me wrong. I think I'm right.

Typical confrontational talk that seems indicative of the kind of internalisation that's rife on this thread. Instead of offering sincere advice, this internalisation leads directly to "I dare you" remarks.

 

Most of us here are trying to help the OP work through these feelings, whilst some are desperately trying to goad her into following their own agenda.

[quankanne]

one day he spoke to me and it ruined the crush completely.

 

agh! I usually get so tongue tied and redfaced I can't talk ... and then they wonder if I'm Idiot Girl, or something!