I have a small crush on someone...and Im married

[JamesM]

 

You may say your side is innocent (however, I suspect your thread would be more 'Ewwww, this guy at work keeps flirting with me, how best to tell him to shove it', and less 'I like the attention, please tell me its ok so I can continue to egg him on', if it was) but your lack of action in this matter is clearly encouraging him and therefore far from innocent.

 

My point exactly. The title of this thread says it all.

 

It as if IHNFC is attempting to rationalize and justify why she is having an innocent flirtation...yet her title gives us a good idea what her thoughts really seem to be.

[lkjh]

Look its pretty simple, yes it is normal to have crushes on people when you are always around them. What isn't normal is the way you are reacting to them. It is not ok or normal for married people to flirt. Especially when you know the other guy wants you. Do not think that you are to strong to do something bad. 50% of marriages end in divorce and experts range 20-40% of married women cheat. Im sure the reason this guy flirts more with you than others is because you give the vibe off. He knows he can get away with it. Showing him your ring after flirting is more of teasing him then shutting him down.

 

You are going to end up doing what you want but think about your marriage and future first. Im not saying you are gonna end up in a affair but your overall look at marraige and whats appropraite is very harmful. You have spent this entire time justifying everything instead of listening to what people are saying. Just sit back and really think about this. In life people make mistakes but they have to pay for them. They do not get do overs. You get one shot to make your marraige work.

[luvstarved]

The OP is playing with fire and denying it. This is not about her ego in any way? Are you kidding me?

 

No there is no one path here, no certainty of an affair, but this is certainly how many of them start. Whether it happens or not depends on what goes

on from here.

 

Does he start paying other girls more attention? OP wonders what's wrong with ME all of a sudden, and starts trying to get the attention back and...

 

Or, OP starts having issues at home and the "harmless fun" at work seems like such a nice contrast, and why can't things be this easy and fun at home? The fun at work plays more and more in her mind and...

 

Or, it just goes on like this indefinitely until one or both parties get bored and the other doesn't really care enough to do anything but let it go.

 

Anything can happen...but to encourage the behavior from this coworker

is allowing in a threat to her marriage.

 

OP claims it is all harmless, but...I don't recall ever having to point to my

ring as a reminder to any male coworker with whom I was having "harmless"

interactions.

 

The ring flashing tells me that something has been said or done that has

crossed a line and so is beyond casual banter.

 

The crush part is normal. The nurturing it part is not.

 

If I am in a relationship that I value and have no intention of cheating in,

I AVOID situations with people I am attracted to, because I know the

danger. If I act flirty, it is more likely to be with people that I DON'T want

and more as a "sport" thing...this is something women do sometimes, I admit.

 

If there is mutual attraction and flirting, there is danger. Simple as that.

 

OP has a crush, it's not a crush, they flirt, no it is all him, he would like more, don't be silly, there's nothing to it...it isn't about ego, she could take

it or leave it, but...she is titillated enough to be posting about the situation...

 

If it were really harmless, she would not have been thinking about it to

be posting here...and if it is just about asking whether feeling a crush is

"normal", well, that's more evidence that there is serious naivete at play.

 

Yeah this could blow over...or blow up. Just like any budding RELATIONSHIP.

[Heroic]

It all starts somewhere. How many people are looking at a divorce because of some innocent flirtation lead to chating way back when? Answer: All of them.

 

When you look at the risks vs. the benefits its a loosing proposition.

[Dumbledore]

its a loosing proposition.

I have to agree that tighter is better.