Addicted to Stripclubs depressed

[trojans10]

Hey, hopefull this is the right place to put this.

 

Let me give you guys the lowdown on my situation...

 

Im 19 yrs. old and am a frosh. at my University. I am very shy and have a hard time talking to women in general.(socail anxiety) In highschool i didnt have one girlfriend. I played ftball, bball and baseball in highschool, and was considered the popular kid, with alot of friends but i was just very insecure and shy. Never went to parties, i just ung out with my best friend who is going through the same thing as me. Before i went off to college (out of state), i went to a stripclub with my friends, and ended up going the next day as well. I got a lapdance from a girl i thought was hot,and got another the next day aswell. -$160 now. (yes expesive). but after the 2nd dance she talked to me and told me why im here spending money, that im a goodloocking guy..so i told her that im shy and have a hardtime talking to girls. So before i leave she comes over and gives me her phone # and asks for mine and says she wants to get dinner and help me out with this...so this is where i became addicted.

 

A week later i went off to school. I would come back every 3-4weeks, and visit the club, fri-sat night..spending close to $200 a night on this girl. Shes a nice girl, whos down to earth. She would ask me when we were gonna hang out, but i was always back for only a day, before i had to go back, so we couldnt. Shes also offered to assist me in loosing my virginity.

 

Now during winterbreak, i went to the club 3x a week. Spending $200 a night again. I have even got into doing illegal things to make money just for the stripclub, i have $2000 saved up to spend at the strip club.

 

At the beginng of break, a new girl came up to me and gave me her number and said to call her. So i txted her for a little bit. Went back to the club and asked me when we were going to hang out. (havent spend any money on tis girl). I tell her to call me caz i wont call her...

 

Basically I have spent 3-4000 dollars in the last 4-5 months on strippers. I am seriously obssesed with this one girl, and need to get over it. The reason i believe i go to these clubs is becasue i have never been with a girl before and this is just a safe place to go for me. Im panning on telling this girl that im done getting dances from her, and that i will only talk to her from now on,and maybe give her alittle money caz ill feel bad.

 

I need help getting over this, its taking over my life. I have been depressed, with no motivation to do anything becasue i just constantly think about this girl. I cant sleep at night, and sleep all day. skipping classes and workouts everyday. The only time i feel good is when im talking to her.

 

I have been going to therapy for my social anxiety and my insecurites, but it hasnt gotten anwhere becasue im so depressed.I have a doctors appt. tomoorow for my depression and sleep problems. So will see what he says. But this stripclub stuff needs to come to a halt, or slowdown atleast. Im going to the club this thur, fri, sat. and im off to school again.

 

Help me out guys, any suggestions/tips will be apreciated. Im all ears. Thanks!

 

(sorry for the length, will make cliffs if needed)

[norajane]

These are not just "girls". They are paid strippers whose job is to suck as much money out of you as possible. They don't care about you, and you're never going to dinner with any of them. They want your money. And they're doing a good job of taking it from you.

 

If you spent as much time talking to the girls on campus as you do trying to get money and spend it on strippers, you might actually have had a date by now and may have even started developing a relationship with someone who actually cares about you.

 

First, stop doing illegal things to get money. That can ruin your entire life, you can end up in jail, and your education will never happen. Nor will you ever get laid, except perhaps by some nice guy in prison who decides to make you his bitch. Probably not what you have in mind.

 

You're in counseling - tell your counselor that you have this addiction! I don't think anything we say can really help you. You have to want to stop, and then go cold turkey. Maybe the depression meds can help you feel better enough about yourself that you don't have to seek validation from women who make money by taking yours.

[trojans10]

Hey thanks for the response. I would tell my counselor this, but i probly wont tell him because its just sucha wierd thing to have an addiction to.

[norajane]

I think you need to tell him. Counselors have heard everything - that's their job. And you clearly need some help. This addiction is part of your depression and social anxiety. Your counselor needs to understand how bad it is and what it's driving you to do, so he understand how your depression and anxiety is TRULY affecting you.

 

You could have just as easily gotten addicted to coke, because it makes you temporarily feel better. Addictions are addictions - they are a way to escape your reality, and they're hard to break without help.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I agree with Norajane. You need to tell your counselor. Trust me - there are weirder things to be addicted to. This is actually more common than you think - it's just that people are afraid to talk about it. But I'd say that it's going to take professional help to get past this. That's what the counselor is there for - TALK TO HIM.

[trojans10]

Well i went to my doc and he prescribed an anti-depressant that will help my depression and help my social anxiety. And i will start to talk to my counselor about my problem.

[griffinchicken53]

careful with the anti-depressants. be aware of the side effects.

i had the same problem a few years ago. it was the only way women made physical contact with me. i knew it was just to get money, but it was a change of women not even talking to me. it's really the only way i've seen actual breasts that weren't on a tv or computer monitor. needless to say i stopped going due to lack of money, and now they can't do lapdances, so what's the point.? good luck with the issue.

[trojans10]

careful with the anti-depressants. be aware of the side effects.

i had the same problem a few years ago. it was the only way women made physical contact with me. i knew it was just to get money, but it was a change of women not even talking to me. it's really the only way i've seen actual breasts that weren't on a tv or computer monitor. needless to say i stopped going due to lack of money, and now they can't do lapdances, so what's the point.? good luck with the issue.

 

Yea i really dont know if i should take the pills. Im going to talk to a phycatrsit fist and see what he says. What happend when you stopped going. Did you have a hard time.

[Nikki Sahagin]

You are using this women to fill a void and fulfill a fantasy that you feel you cannot naturally fulfill in your own life. As you have never had an experience with a woman, you voyeuristically use them so as to feel you are at least experiencing something. In turn they are using you for money. And a lot of it too....realise you are being exploited! You are a student! Shouldn't your money be going elsewhere?

 

Also realise these women are paid to pretend, to act. They don't really care about you. They probably laugh about you and hate you behind your back. TRUST ME. If you wan't a real relationship with a woman you need to break away from this as I feel it will only allienate you further from women. Men become disensitised and hateful to strippers, prostitutes, lap dances etc. They use them to justify misogyny though really as the women are only there because men demand the market, the ugly reflection is cast back on them (not that they usually own up to this). Get to know REAL women, not ones who are acting.

[burning 4 revenge]

Oh man go to a shrink

 

Youre way young for this kind of thing. I had the same addiction for like three or four years from maybe 27 to 31 or 32 and still went occasionally after that, but not every week like I did for a while

 

I know exactly what youre talking about. I think its hard for people to get it because they dont realize how loose a lot of the women are and how much you can get away with with them, but it really is like going to a candy store and just saying i pick that one or that one and that kind of power to is addicting but its really expensive and isnt based on anything real other than mutual exploitation...which is quite real in its own depressing way

 

But yeah, get help, because its a powerful addiction thats pretty tough to break...not as bad as cigarettes but almost...

[burning 4 revenge]

Nor will you ever get laid, except perhaps by some nice guy in prison who decides to make you his bitch.

no you can definitely get laid in these places if theyre anything like the ones in the spanish ghettoes of miami and for not very much either

[JamesM]

Well i went to my doc and he prescribed an anti-depressant that will help my depression and help my social anxiety. And i will start to talk to my counselor about my problem.

 

Well, one of the side effects of many antidepressants is a lowered sex drive.

 

Maybe this will help you quit going to strip clubs.

[grogster]

So you have an obsession with a stripper, then you should read all about Craig Rabinowitz, an up and comer who murdered his young wife (and mother) to collect life insurance proceeds. He snuffed out her life in the bathtub.

 

Why, you ask? Because Craig was deep in debt after spending 100,000 dollars on a stripper named Shannon at a Philly strip club known as Delilah's Den.

 

Craig is serving a life sentence without parole. And the poor kid is being raised, at least for now, by the maternal grandparents.

 

Read this link and weep:

 

http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/rabinowitz_craig.html#Husband

[burning 4 revenge]

well any guy who gets obsessed with just one stripper must be an idiot because a big part of the fun of it is to just reduce women to objects and have the variety of a harem at your fingertips

[2sure]

Its difficult for a guy to go to a strip club more than once and NOT get a phone #. These girls make their livings not from one time customers so much as repeats. Additionally, repeats tend to spend more for less work.

So, it is part of the job to make as many customers as possible feel a personal connection. Certain types of men are easier marks than others.

 

You will find on here a few guys who were caught by their wives/gf's either going to clubs or emailing/calling dancers. They cant figure out why the wife doesnt understand that the dancer was more of a friend than anything else. They really felt a personal connection, it was an ego boost to have a hot stripper interested....sorry guys.

 

All business. Sales and Marketing.

 

As to your own social anxiety - you sound athletic and intelligent and those are good things. With some jobs and sports you have to just jump in with both feet and struggle until you get it. Do it with dating. Go on line and have 50 first dates. Who cares how they turn out?? By the 10th you will feel comfortable. By the 20th, you will be smooth.

[griffinchicken53]

usually i'd go in, watch some of the dancing, look for the hot women i'd want lap dances from, and try to wait for them to come around. sometimes i'd go ahead and get a dance from another stripper. i used to go to the ones in memphis, they stepped up the rules though and i haven't been back since. occassionally two strippers would dance together and start making out/having sex on the stage. I'm not sure if they can even get topless anymore, and just dancing staying 6 feet away from the men in the audience. i heard there were some girls who if you became a regular to you'd get a bit more than a dance. i never got quite that far though, but boobs mashed into my face was nice. no boobs since then though. so it is kind of bummed out cuz women don't notice me. I can go in Hooters and i'm the only guy in there that doesn't get flirted with.

it's actually similar. they flirt to get you to buy stuff, t-shirts, calendars, etc. i never could get the really cute nice waitress, always got the ones that couldn't remember to get me a refill. i stood at the table once for 20 minutes waiting on my check while she flirted away with some other guys. not sure why women hate me. enough hijacking of the thread.

[trojans10]

usually i'd go in, watch some of the dancing, look for the hot women i'd want lap dances from, and try to wait for them to come around. sometimes i'd go ahead and get a dance from another stripper. i used to go to the ones in memphis, they stepped up the rules though and i haven't been back since. occassionally two strippers would dance together and start making out/having sex on the stage. I'm not sure if they can even get topless anymore, and just dancing staying 6 feet away from the men in the audience. i heard there were some girls who if you became a regular to you'd get a bit more than a dance. i never got quite that far though, but boobs mashed into my face was nice. no boobs since then though. so it is kind of bummed out cuz women don't notice me. I can go in Hooters and i'm the only guy in there that doesn't get flirted with.

it's actually similar. they flirt to get you to buy stuff, t-shirts, calendars, etc. i never could get the really cute nice waitress, always got the ones that couldn't remember to get me a refill. i stood at the table once for 20 minutes waiting on my check while she flirted away with some other guys. not sure why women hate me. enough hijacking of the thread.

 

lol all good..