SoulSearch_CO Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I've never personally known somebody that deals with this, so am really unsure how to proceed. I know this guy that I met this past summer. We were just associates and never hung out socially. Well, I ran into him a week ago and we started talking online a little bit. Neither of us are natives in the area we're living in, so we don't really know that many people around here. He asked me if I want to hang out because he's lonely. That sounded like a good idea to me - I like getting to know people. But here's my problem - I was thinking he'd want to like go OUT and do something. He wants to come over to my house, hang out and drink. One of my female friends said that pretty much any time she has talked to him on the phone, he has been drunk. I feel bad for the guy - I think he's depressed and this is his way of dealing. I have no idea if he has always been like this, or if it's a result of his loneliness. He's getting out of a bad relationship from his GF of a year and a half and she's pretty much the only other person he hung out with socially around here. He said otherwise he goes home from work and hangs out by himself. I'm not really much of a drinker. I have alcohol in my house, but I pretty much only drink it when I'm feeling REALLY crappy which is maybe like once a month and I just want an escape. Even then, I can't drink more than one drink usually. So I don't mind having a drink with him. But sitting around my house at 9 in the morning getting DRUNK? Um. LOL Would you say that his tendencies point towards alcoholic? What would be the best form of support I can give him to possibly move past this? I don't want to change him if he doesn't want to - I just want to be a healthy support and not an enabler. This is foreign territory to me - I really don't know anybody that considers drinking an activity - usually it accompanies something and is not the main event. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 This is none of your business until he makes it your business. If this starts infringing on your life, the way he treats you, the way he acts and how he interacts with others - then it becomes your problem. Liking a drink at that time of the morning is frankly bizarre to say the least, and I would say points either towards being an alcoholic or alcohol-dependent... Either way, (let's not get picky) it's a potential red flag. Big Time. Keep an eye on it, and see where it takes you. If it becomes an issue for you, the best thing you can do is cut and run. Your relationship is very fresh and new, so taking this on as an issue, with no previous experience of him or the situation, is going to be a massive ordeal. Especially if he doesn't recognise it as a problem. Because it may well be some time before he does, and then, he's got to see it, he's got to acknowledge it, and he's got to agree to actually do something about it. For himself. You cannot fix this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoulSearch_CO Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Yeah - I don't want to fix him. I know that's just simply not possible seeing as how I tried to "fix" a sex-addict in my failed marriage. My question was more along the lines of... should I go along with the, "let's sit on our rears and get drunk at 9am," or should I maybe suggest something healthier we can do instead without mentioning the drinking? I mean, is there any point to trying? Or is there really no harm (meaning I wouldn't be enabling him) in sitting down to have some drinks at my house? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 You don't know until you ask. But if there's resistance, or his enthusiasm wanes after a week - there's an issue. Alcohol at 09:00?? I'd have raised this issue the first time he did it, tbh..... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts