Worried that the problem is me???

[Hu5baNd]

Well I ran into this site by typing in my problem on ask.com...lol So here's the scenario. My wife and I are a young couple, seriously! We got married straight out of high school and 2 years later we had a kid. Im giving you the quick rundown so bear with me. During the pregnancy the sex was good. After our daughter was here sex became a little on the rare side. But I understand the whole women having babies not feeling pretty anymore. I get that, really I do. When my daughter was about 7-8 months our sex life picked back up. It was then that we found out she was pregnant with our second child. As you can guess her sex drive dried up and went god knows where. Still and yet I love this woman and tried to put up with it. Of course there were times where I couldnt take it and let my feelings be voiced. Then we would be good for a few days then back to crap. Well towards the end of the pregnancy I was hit on by a female I work with (female soldier). She was saying what she would do to me if she had the chance and blah-blah-blah. As tempting as it was I went home for lunch and just had to get some from my wife, I have self control but I HAD to have her that day at that moment. But she brushed me off, I completely lost it, I kicked her out the house and everything, I told her that she needed to pack her stuff and go. It was by far the worst fight we had ever been in. I honestly thought that we would be getting a divorce. So she came home and we reconciled. Now my son is about 3 weeks old and I cant even get a blow job. I got one the other night and it was the best I ever had in my life. But it was like pulling teeth to get her to even touch me. Im a young dude, and I dont have much of a problem in the female dept, but I am seriously thinking that we are heading down that oh so common path...Someone please help me!!!!

[You'reasian]

Find out what gets her engine running and go!

 

Get her out of the child rearing routine by getting a baby sitter, make her feel special - the way she likes to - she's your wife, man show her that you appreciate her, want her and love her.

 

Go all out on her....

 

if that doesn't work, get some marriage counselling.

[Geishawhelk]

Well I ran into this site by typing in my problem on ask.com...lol So here's the scenario. My wife and I are a young couple, seriously! We got married straight out of high school and 2 years later we had a kid. Im giving you the quick rundown so bear with me. During the pregnancy the sex was good. After our daughter was here sex became a little on the rare side. But I understand the whole women having babies not feeling pretty anymore. I get that, really I do. When my daughter was about 7-8 months our sex life picked back up. It was then that we found out she was pregnant with our second child. As you can guess her sex drive dried up and went god knows where. Still and yet I love this woman and tried to put up with it. Of course there were times where I couldnt take it and let my feelings be voiced. Then we would be good for a few days then back to crap. Well towards the end of the pregnancy I was hit on by a female I work with (female soldier). She was saying what she would do to me if she had the chance and blah-blah-blah. As tempting as it was I went home for lunch and just had to get some from my wife, I have self control but I HAD to have her that day at that moment. But she brushed me off, I completely lost it, I kicked her out the house and everything, I told her that she needed to pack her stuff and go. It was by far the worst fight we had ever been in. I honestly thought that we would be getting a divorce. So she came home and we reconciled. Now my son is about 3 weeks old and I cant even get a blow job. I got one the other night and it was the best I ever had in my life. But it was like pulling teeth to get her to even touch me. Im a young dude, and I dont have much of a problem in the female dept, but I am seriously thinking that we are heading down that oh so common path...Someone please help me!!!!

 

Why, may I ask is this all about you, when there are two people in the relationship?

And you kicking her out when she was pregnant, because YOU felt horny due to a woman coming on to you - that's just sh*t man! How dare you!

Did it not occur to you to actually be honest with her and tell her how you felt?

 

If you head down that "oh so common path" it 's you, not her, skipping. But if you give up so quickjly, then you don't deserve her and she's better off without you, you're that selfish and blinkered.

 

You seriously need to talk to her rationally and gently...

And by the way, two children, so young, one after the other, is going to exhaust her. A female body normally takes a year to 18 months to fully recover from pregnancy.

And you made her pregnant too quickly.

Try controlling your urges and using condoms.

These children are yours too. Your responsibility, and frankly, you suck, you really do.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Now my son is about 3 weeks old and I cant even get a blow job. I got one the other night and it was the best I ever had in my life. But it was like pulling teeth to get her to even touch me. Im a young dude, and I dont have much of a problem in the female dept, but I am seriously thinking that we are heading down that oh so common path...Someone please help me!!!!

 

Dude. You have a huge issue on your hands.

 

Do you know why she doesn't want to have sex? You need to find out exactly why! Also, the reason she gives you is probably not the real reason... so make sure to read between the lines. It could be she resents you for not helping out more. Maybe she wants more romance. Maybe she was never that attracted to you in the first place.

 

Figure it out fast! I crashed a marriage because of this once! Don't do the same... you have kids counting on you!

[anne1707]

Two options:

 

1. Tell your wife to get on this forum. She is the one who needs help, not you. I pity the woman who is married to a selfish, arrogant, p***k like you

2. Troll.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Two options:

 

1. Tell your wife to get on this forum. She is the one who needs help, not you. I pity the woman who is married to a selfish, arrogant, p***k like you

2. Troll.

 

No... I've been through that as a guy! It's bull**** and there really is no excuse for it.

 

Besides... you have no right to call anyone a selfish arrogant prick! You've done worse times a thousand! So shame on you!

[anne1707]

No... I've been through that as a guy! It's bull**** and there really is no excuse for it.

 

Besides... you have no right to call anyone a selfish arrogant prick! You've done worse times a thousand! So shame on you!

 

 

A thousand times worse? Yes I had an affair. Yes I did wrong. I know that. No excuses. However I never posted here and said how reasonable I was to do that and how unreasonable of my husband not to be happy about that. But this is not about me.

 

This man demands sex from his heavily pregnant wife. When she refuses, he kicks her out. Do you not see anything wrong in that??????

 

It is only 3 weeks since she had the baby. He is complaining about lack of sex. Sounds like a selfish prick to me.

 

If all this is true then she deserves way better. How can he expect support for this behaviour? Which then makes me think it is a troll - can anybody really be so stupid to think that they should have sex with their wife under these circumstances?????

[wuggle]

No... I've been through that as a guy! It's bull**** and there really is no excuse for it.

 

Besides... you have no right to call anyone a selfish arrogant prick! You've done worse times a thousand! So shame on you!

 

Sorry but I've been through that as a bloke, he (op) still sounds like an arrogant pr**k. You can't kick a woman out whilst she pregnant because she doesn't want to f**k you, then moan your only getting blown once in a while 3 weeks after shes given birth.

 

There really is a difference between being a man and being an arse. Grow up.

[Hu5baNd]

Whoa, perhaps I should break it down COMPLETELY!!! It seems we have a few man bashers on here so I think its necessary. I love my wife, I honestly do, I know that she knows this. To the few of you that think Im some undersexed nympho your far from the truth. I do like sex, Im a 21 year old young man that married his high school sweetheart. I have only had sex with 5 people my whole life and as you can guess I am eager and anxious to try anything. As for my family I provide for my wife and 2 kids, so please dont think that Im just some dead beat that likes to f**k all day. I have showered her with gifts and tried to do things we used to do like back in high school. I do understand that the female body requires time to recoop after a pregnancy, the birth of my son was unexpected, but never will you hear me regret having him. Its not like I planned on him arriving back to back. My kids are 13 months apart. I know how that sounds, but most people my age are unmarried and have kids. So please dont judge me. My wife walked up here and saw me typing my initial post and began the questions thinking that this was a love connection type of thing. But I explained to her that I wanted to see what I could do to control my horomones. I wanted to see if I was the only man in the world that is going through this. I thought the purpose of this website was to help me out and provide insight, not jump on me for being honest. To the guy that stood up for me in the last post, thanks. Im not on here for sympathy, but merely as a husband that doesnt want to lose his family behind SEX! In reference to the posts saying that I am a troll and a d**k for kicking her out while she was pregnant. I can understand your perception. I have never kicked her out of the house before, and that was the first time. I do reason with my wife, I honestly give her my all. I just feel that she resents me because her mother is always talking s**t about her and saying I messed up her body. My wife was a force to be wrecken with in high school. Literally, she is googable. lol. She gave up her scholarship to marry me, thats why I have no problem being the man she wants me to be, and I give it to the fullest extent possible on a pitiful army salary. This is not just about me. There ARE 2 people in this relationship, Im on here trying to get help for her. I want to be the man she needs to me to be, I want to be the man that her friends wish their husbands were. She does deserve better than me, and I am happy that she has stayed with me for this long. So again please help me....

[wuggle]

So again please help me....

 

OK, you made yourself sound a little less like an arrogant self obsessed pr**ck than you did originally. Still concerned when you say that 'this was the first time you kicked her out'.

 

IMO you need to give the women a bit more respect.

 

OK, your still horny and want a f**k, but you say you love your wife. I once heard giving birth compared to a bloke cra**ing a canonball, think about that seriously for a minute. Then let up on your wife. If she doesn't want to f**k you for 6 months, so be it. It she doesn't want to blow you for 5 months so be it.

 

You say you love her, prove it, grow up, show her a little respect, support her and use your right hand for something other than typing until she feels like reciprocating.

[anne1707]

OK. If you really love your wife and you want your marriage to work then back off from pushing for sex. The poor woman has just had the second baby in a year. Basically she has been pregnant/recovering from pregnancy for 2 years now.

 

Support her in looking after the children. Make sure she gets to sleep through some nights (or at least try and do some of the night feeds/nappy changes). Also make your wife realise that she is still the woman you fell in love with and not just a mother. Do little things to spoil her and show her you care.

 

Hug and cuddle her with no intention of sex. Let her realise that you are just being affectionate. Your wife will, to be blunt, hormonally all over the place still. Help her through this time whilst she recovers physically and emotionally.

 

Plus throwing her out of the house was a terrible thing to do. Does she know how bad you feel about that? I do not mean keep apologising - actions speak louder. But that will have also battered her emotionally when she was vulnerable.

 

Are there any family members who can help with childcare (and not her mother if she is stirring things up between you)? Take your wife out. It may only be for an hour at first but time for just the two of you is vital in making your marriage work.

 

As you said, your wife deserves better. Give her better.

[Touche]

Well, I think other than your kicking your wife out (serious mistake AND would not be condoned by the courts, if she decided to take it that far) I think you've been given a bum rap here.

 

You're to be admired for taking care of your family. You MUST speak to your wife in a non-confrontational way and tell her that sex/making love is what you need to feel wanted and loved. Don't point fingers, just tell her that.

 

I would also, if you can, arrange for a babysitter one night soon and take her out to a nice romantic dinner/drinks and maybe even a nice hotel somewhere.

 

All marriages go through periods of time when sex takes a backseat for awhile but then comes back.

 

If you're serious about staying married you need to accept that.

[Hu5baNd]

OK, you made yourself sound a little less like an arrogant self obsessed pr**ck than you did originally. Still concerned when you say that 'this was the first time you kicked her out'.

 

IMO you need to give the women a bit more respect.

 

OK, your still horny and want a f**k, but you say you love your wife. I once heard giving birth compared to a bloke cra**ing a canonball, think about that seriously for a minute. Then let up on your wife. If she doesn't want to f**k you for 6 months, so be it. It she doesn't want to blow you for 5 months so be it.

 

You say you love her, prove it, grow up, show her a little respect, support her and use your right hand for something other than typing until she feels like reciprocating.

 

... first- Im in America, what does bloke mean??? Seriously??? But your right, absolutely right. I know women go through hell giving birth. Im tracking that. I just cant explain the feeling that I get. Its like I long for her touch and most of the time its NOT sexual touch I need, majority of the time its just a physical touch I want just a kiss a passionate kiss or a hug that just lets you know that baby I love you!!! Can you women understand that??? Its just when we do get into it thats where all the fights lead up to is the lack of sex....

[wuggle]

Sorry, a 'bloke' is a man, guy, chap, fellow, male - Englsh term, my mistake.

 

Yes, I can deefinitely understand the need for contact, if you hug, cuddle and kiss but try to make it clear that this is what you want rather than this to lead to sex, she might like this as well. She probably wants affection but might be feeling pressure for sex, especially if you argue about it and kicked her out.

 

When you kicked her out this was terrible and will STILL be making her feel very vulnerable and possibly not like having sex at all, but she might be under pressure to try to keep you happy.

 

Forget the sex for a while, seriously, you can pick it up again later. Give her some support and make her feel less vulnerable and less like you might kick her out at a moments notice when you next argue.

 

Just be nicer, cuddle, hug etc , the sex will probably follow in it's own good time.

[Geishawhelk]

Bloke means man. Or in your case, jerk.

You are way too young to be committed in a relationship, let alone a marriage.

 

Why?

because inspite of everything anyone has said to you - the above post is still about everything you want.

 

She doesn't have tow babies, she has 3. And you are the babiest of the lot, because you are making unreasonable demands on her.

 

Everything you think, say and do within your home, should be 100% for her, and for putting her first.

Start with that.

If you're lucky, in time, she may get it, and reciprocate.

but don't hold your breath will you?

As I said you need to give it at least 18 months.

[Untouchable_Fire]

A thousand times worse? Yes I had an affair. Yes I did wrong. I know that. No excuses. However I never posted here and said how reasonable I was to do that and how unreasonable of my husband not to be happy about that. But this is not about me.

This man demands sex from his heavily pregnant wife. When she refuses, he kicks her out. Do you not see anything wrong in that??????

It is only 3 weeks since she had the baby. He is complaining about lack of sex. Sounds like a selfish prick to me.

If all this is true then she deserves way better. How can he expect support for this behaviour? Which then makes me think it is a troll - can anybody really be so stupid to think that they should have sex with their wife under these circumstances?????

 

What? Are you saying attitude trumps action? So a remorseful serial killer is better than a hit and run driver who doesn't admit to regret? Don't be silly.

 

You definitely chose sides without a good reason.

 

Sorry but I've been through that as a bloke, he (op) still sounds like an arrogant pr**k. You can't kick a woman out whilst she pregnant because she doesn't want to f**k you, then moan your only getting blown once in a while 3 weeks after shes given birth.

There really is a difference between being a man and being an arse. Grow up.

 

You've confused being a man with being a wuss. I don't think any man should have to apologize for wanting sex. Do you seriously feel guilty about it?

 

I support being somewhat understanding in terms of pregnancy and birthing, but that has to go both ways.

 

Unless there is a very good medical reason, cutting off a physical relationship with your spouse is just abusive!

[Geishawhelk]

OFF-TOPIC: *Edit facility is up the creek*.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Everything you think, say and do within your home, should be 100% for her, and for putting her first.

Start with that.

If you're lucky, in time, she may get it, and reciprocate.

but don't hold your breath will you?

As I said you need to give it at least 18 months.

 

Personally, this is bad advice.

 

I've tried this route and it didn't work at all. Actually it made things worse, because I was providing positive feedback for her horrible behavior.

[anne1707]

What? Are you saying attitude trumps action?

 

actions speak louder..

 

I suggest you read before you post

[wuggle]

You've confused being a man with being a wuss. I don't think any man should have to apologize for wanting sex. Do you seriously feel guilty about it?

 

UntouchableFire I disagree with your definition of a man and think you need to seriously re-evaluate this.

 

IMHO It does not make the OP more manly to have kicked his pregnant wife out of the marital home because she didn't want to f**k him when he insisted. I agree that no-one should apologise for wanting sex, but I really think that the OP should apologise for kicking her out of the house whilst pregnant.

 

By your definition is a man who rapes and kills someone really Manly ??

 

We are humans, not animals.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I suggest you read before you post

 

Are you trying to imply that I did not notice that you had contradicted yourself?

 

Fact is that this guy at least is willing to stand up for himself. Clearly that's not something you look for in a man.

 

UntouchableFire I disagree with your definition of a man and think you need to seriously re-evaluate this.

IMHO It does not make the OP more manly to have kicked his pregnant wife out of the marital home because she didn't want to f**k him when he insisted. I agree that no-one should apologise for wanting sex, but I really think that the OP should apologise for kicking her out of the house whilst pregnant.

By your definition is a man who rapes and kills someone really Manly ??

We are humans, not animals.

 

I can agree to that! Personally I would not have kicked her out either, however he cannot let the situation stand as it is!

 

I'm telling you right now that when something like this happens you don't beg or plead for sex. You have to provide a very clear and firm response.

 

Do you really think it is Ok to consistently deny your partner sex? Is that something you would put up with?

 

As to your last question... it doesn't deserve a response.

[melodymatters]

Ok dude, you married far too young, knocked your wife up too often, and now you are boo-hoo sad, that your sex life won't resemble that of your college age peers.

 

I do feel you on this, I raised a daughter alone and have had to be the "man" a lot of my life.

 

BUT, we do what we need to do, and you KNOW this from serving in the army. We take care of our people, our mission, and keep on keeping on.

 

You lost the right to be selfish when you brought 2 babies into the world. Thats just hard cold fact. Suck it up soldier.

 

As far as bringing spice back into your sex life, It's going to be tough in that she has 2 new humans to nurture, so giving affection to anyone else might likely feel like a yet another drain on her energy.

 

You need to feed her happy, free, non-mother side in any way you can : a kids free, booze filled night, massages and love-y things, and honestly, I've never had a problem if I wasn't horny, in giving an APPRECIATIVE husband a handjob. Have you even suggested that maybe you talk, cuddle, get close like you used to, and perhaps get each other off that way ?

 

Regardless, you sound like such a nice young family, starting off in life, I'd really like to see you work this out. So many obstacles, but so much upside if you make it work !

 

Not sure if i can remotely make a young, over stessed mother, feel horny all of a sudden, but I encourage you to take the steps you need to take, even if it feels un-fun for YOU right now. life is long, your children are forever.

[anne1707]

OK UF you stick to your attitude - if it suits you.

 

I will stick to trying to help the OP if he wants that.

[wuggle]

You have to provide a very clear and firm response.

 

OK, to try to stick to helping the OP, what would your 'Clear and Firm response' have been ? similar to OP, ie kicking your pregnant wife out ??

 

In answer to your other question, yes it is ok to deny your partner sex if you really don't want to have sex, it's not ideal by any means, but to have sex with someone when you don't want to for fear of being thrown out is IMO much worse, that's no sort of life, that's sexual slavery.

[Hi.P.O'Crit]

She doesn't have tow babies, she has 3. And you are the babiest of the lot, because you are making unreasonable demands on her.

 

just cant explain the feeling that I get. Its like I long for her touch and most of the time its NOT sexual touch I need, majority of the time its just a physical touch I want just a kiss a passionate kiss or a hug that just lets you know that baby I love you!!!

 

Yea, that's unreasonable.

 

You've gotten some good advice here from some. Just explain to her that you want her touch, even nonsexual touch.