NotSureWhatToThink Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 My bf and I have been together for 4+ years, most of which he is out of town working during the week and living with me on the weekends. I've always been OK with him looking at porn online while out of town. A couple months ago I checked the internet history on his laptop - lots and lots of porn sites - which I could deal with. When I looked at the history by 'most visited' CraigsList jumped to the top of the list. I went to CL and found the links he clicked on were in Casual Encounters. I freaked out for a couple days then settled myself down for the most part. I was slightly scared he was cheating but it didn't really seem to fit with what I know about him. Every couple weeks since then when I was on my computer or his, I would go to his email provider to see if he didn't clear his password and if I could get in. This weekend I was able to get in. I searched his email for CraigsList and found emails he had sent to people. They all sounded like initial emails like offering to help make a video, passing through town in an hour and need some relief, can we meet at your place or do we need to get a room. I didn't read them too clearly b/c I was shaking at this point. I showed him the emails I found. His answer was that he chats with people trying to get their pictures. He told me that he tells them anything just to get a picture from them. He said that porn stars don't turn him on but normal people do. He said he hasn't hooked up with anyone from the website and that he hasn't been with anyone since we have been together. Once someone sends him a pic, he jacks off then deletes the pic. I don't know what to think and would like some opinions. Do guys (or girls) do this? Ask for pics from others but not actually meet? My gut tells me he isn't cheating but with him out of town how the hell would I actually know!?! I'm afraid to believe him! Link to post Share on other sites
malibustacydoll Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 If I were you I would be very angry. He may not be cheating but I think that is taking it too far. Why doesn't he go on google? He could google just about any name and get a picture of some random girl. He could even go on facebook or myspace or something and search random profiles. Going and starting a conversation with someone for a picture seems a bit much.. Even if that is all that he is doing now it could escalate. It may eventually not be enough for him then maybe he will just start chating with some random girl, then who knows maybe meet up. I would be very weary of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Even if what he says is true (and I doubt that very much) he's still acting completely inappropriately. If it was my boyfriend he'd be out the door pronto. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 There are plenty of porn sites where you can get genuinely real photos, of average people that aren't pornstars. Craigslist is probably the most difficult, time consuming way to get your rocks off that I can think of. He's lying. He already has, or definitely would cheat given the opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I think it is possible he is just after the thrill of the chase and the excitement of talking girls into sending pictures or seeing how far they would go. Still, I'd consider it 1) totally inappropriate behaviour 2) a form of cheating 3) a deal breaker. Would you be okay with such a behaviour if he was not interested in meeting any of the girls in person? Even if this were the case, he should have discussed beforehand this pastime of his and offered to share it with you. Link to post Share on other sites
JaydaLeah Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 well, i found my bf leaving his email in those sex services forum. I got my friend to confront him and demand him to admit if he has been cheating or else she will tell me all about it. He denied and said his just asking for photos to see. Naturally i was upset and shaken but i saw the entire MSN conversation and i could see that he was really scared of the consequences of me finding out. He went to delete his entry thereafter and he didnt do it again (not of any that i found at least). We both genuinely believe his innocent, but stupid. So... there is the benefit of doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotSureWhatToThink Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I am very angry, hurt, and betrayed by what my bf did. Even if he hasn't met any of these women in person, it feels like he cheated on me. I've already told him that talking, emailing, chatting, or whatever with individual people is taking it way too far and is completely off limits. Sounds like we need some counseling if we (me) are going to get past this. If he isn't willing to talk this through with a couselor, then I will consider it a deal breaker. He's so scared of me right now I think he would do anything but we'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
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