Author honey2910 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Sorry for the typo . Yes english is not my first language. My ex-gf started liking the person and arranging trips with him. This person has helped her to decide to move on from this relation. After that she is spending most of the time with this guy and still says he is her "best friend". Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Well, without knowing any more than that, I'd say she might just be traveling with her best friend! I travel with my best (male) friend too, but we don't sleep together! Do you mean that he has told her to move on from her relationship (as opposed to "relation") with you? Why do you think he would say that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author honey2910 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 My ex best friend has told her to move on from relationship with me. And what I feel my-ex and her best friend are going around. I am feeling I was dumped for somebody else. Or am I over analyzing things. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 My ex best friend has told her to move on from relationship with me. Wait...YOUR PERSONAL "ex-best-friend," as in the person who used to be YOUR best friend, or your ex'S best friend, as in the new guy? If you mean the latter, I ask again why you think he would say that. Or is this guy also your ex-best-friend and that's how they met? I'm sorry I'm having trouble understanding! Link to post Share on other sites
Author honey2910 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 He is my ex "best friend".. He is not my friend. My ex told me that her best friend has advised to not to carry relationship with me if she is not happy. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 He is my ex "best friend".. He is not my friend. My ex told me that her best friend has advised to not to carry relationship with me if she is not happy. Okay...the phrase "my EX best friend" means that he used to be YOUR best friend but now no longer is. The phrase "my EX'S best friend" means that he is HER best friend. I'm trying to figure out YOUR relationship to this guy. Help me! I am going to assume that what you're saying is that he is her best friend and never had anything to do with you. (If you're talking about something that belongs to someone else, such as your ex's friend, you use an apostrophe-s to indicate possessive, so that's why I'm confused.) If this is the case, then he's giving her good advice -- NOBODY should carry on a relationship with someone who doesn't make them happy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author honey2910 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Share Posted January 20, 2009 Sedgwick I totally agree with you everybody has right to choose what is best for them. My ex was unhappy because I was unable to fulfill few of her expectations. The only solution to fulfill her expectations was marriage for which she was not ready. And my problem was that I was not in the position to take few decisions without marrying her. So does love means only expectations and leaving someone when those expectations are not being fulfilled? I also agree with your point that she has right not to be with me as i cant keep her happy, however if this is true why she wants friendship ? Or this is the way to politely say fu*k off "I dont want you but still want you to be part of my life". I am a kind of person who always take care of everybody even if he/she is a casual friend of mine. This is the reason why I was not able to say no to her for friendship( Final effort made by me to reconcile). I cant go on NC due to some family involvement. Please let me know what should I do? How should I move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy.S Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 dumpees feels more pain because they were forced to accept something they had no say in Link to post Share on other sites
Justmike101 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 yea i don't get this question. we hurt more because we got dumped. they feel less hurt because they dumped. Link to post Share on other sites
againstallodds Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 It all depend on the situation but sometime the pain are the same for both. Link to post Share on other sites
Zammo25 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 It all depend on the situation but sometime the pain are the same for both. All dreams, hopes and aspirations gone in a second. Over 3 years of giving a large part of yoir life gone in a second. Your heart taken out of your chest and throw on the floor in a second. The body you gave to another gone in a second. Thrown away with the garbage in a second. I think not. Link to post Share on other sites
Zammo25 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 It all depend on the situation but sometime the pain are the same for both. The dumpers have won. They are taken your love and thrown it back in your face. They have decided you are not worth having in their lives anymore, not for a second. They have rejected you. They have left you to rot with a second thought or a look back. They are probably laughing with someone else filling your place as your are inadequate. How do you move on from that ?. Link to post Share on other sites
againstallodds Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Like I said, it all depends on the situation. If she is seeing someone else when she was with you then she won't feel pain because her heart is not there anymore. There are cases people do love each other but circumstances won't let them be together then the pain is felt on both side. I was the dumper and dumpee and i was hurt on both side. Not everyone is the cheating kind. I never have a backup when I broke up. There are people out who allow themselves to heal before they move on. Link to post Share on other sites
steve9417 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 The dumpers have won. They are taken your love and thrown it back in your face. They have decided you are not worth having in their lives anymore, not for a second. They have rejected you. They have left you to rot with a second thought or a look back. They are probably laughing with someone else filling your place as your are inadequate. How do you move on from that ?. Hi Zammo25 - you sound like you got badly hurt - sorry if the case to consider that there's a winner in the whole breaking up process is not constructive. Why get together in the first place if the game is to potentially find a winner / loser ? Based on those assumed ground rules then folks would be fighting to be the first one to be the winner ..... I believe that the load is lighter for the dumper - i don't see many dumpers on LS talking about how hard leaving their ex was & how they still struggle with the process of letting go and wondering why they still text or email their dumpee. Weak dumpers often have an exit partner awaiting ...... this becomes a reflection of their ability to be authentic in the failed relationship as well as show up their own shallow emotional maturity. Yes it hurts like hell when someone who you love/loved lies to you / is deceitful / leaves you without looking back / lacks compassion / etc ...... but is this a person who you really want in your life ? Is this abusive person healthy for you in the long run ? Its a pain in the butt to be dumped but the reason why it failed was a team effort ...... its just the dumper got selfish first about their unmet needs and pushed the button. Some people work at salvaging relationships when together and some just jump into another one without really considering the impact or reason as to what they're doing - and then that just leaves the dumpee's trying to work it out what they did wrong or whats wrong with them !!! the simple fact is that the relationship's over ...... questioning "why the dumpee feels more pain " is just noise in the real process of moving on ....... thus the answer is ......... "because they do" now lets get absorbed in the healthy occupation of moving on - a protractred post mortum just means a protracted healing process ..... Link to post Share on other sites
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