When you have been dumped what is the likelihood your ex has found someone else ?.

[Zammo25]

Just as a point of interest. What do you think the statistical likelihood is that your ex has found someone else in the wings to take the baton on and keep running with her ?. When they say they want to be on their own is that a smokescreen ?. We are talking about women mainly and an attractive one at that even that is shallow it is a fact of life an attractive woman could go to a night out and be asked out numerous times and its appears to me men unless they are Brad Pitt when they do the same end up at the bar getting drunk and being ignored.

 

So did your ex have someone else already to ease the break up do you think ?.

[OCCDAVE]

Well for me the last time i spoke to my ex she said she needed a break and was going keep to herself for awhile.That must have not lasted long cause the following week she had a new bf so ya the whole i just wanna be alone for now is a big act.

[Zammo25]

Well for me the last time i spoke to my ex she said she needed a break and was going keep to herself for awhile.That must have not lasted long cause the following week she had a new bf so ya the whole i just wanna be alone for now is a big act.

 

I think your right. I am sure she has found someone else or had already had the reserve player ready to come on the field of play.

[Surfer Dude]

They say they want to be alone, but they say it to YOU. They don't want you and don't need you to know they are looking again, they say it for a multitude of reasons, one of them being damage control.

 

It happens extremely rare that anyone would get out of relationship without having someone lined up, unless their relationship was being abusive etc, but we'll assume it was a healthy relationship between two normal adults.

 

You know how exs often say "I'm not looking for anything right now, I just need time to myself" but the following day they're already screwing someone? They don't want you man, they just need someone as a backup until it's certain they can just make a painless switch and move into another man's arms. If they didn't have anyone lined up, they'd stay with you, no matter how much they may resent you and want change. They aren't stupid, they won't shatter their ego and self worth by being single and having no one, waiting indefinitely for something to come up. They do the waiting and fishing while they're still in relationship with you.

 

You know how people complain that their ex treated them like **** as the relationship was nearing it's end? They already got emotionally detached and knew they were about to leave. It's a classic sign and a major red flag that something is going south. We were just dumb enough not to see it.

[lonelygurl]

Last time my X told me he needed a break to work on himself I believed him. And was shocked to find out after about a month or more of him still coming around that he had a girlfriend. Chances are he had been chatting and possibly more with her before he left. When I look back he just used me while he was getting it going with her and once he realized things were okay with her I was out of the pick completely.

 

This time of course he says he has no interest in dating again, but I'm quite sure it is all lies and I quite sure he had a woman waiting in the wings. My X's past has always been he has always had another woman lined up before he left the one he had and he is in his mid 40's. He can't stand to be alone and seems to think he needs a woman to feel some need that he can't fill himself. He will probably spend the rest of his life very lonely searching for whatever it is he searching for in woman, because what he needs to do is find it in himself. I thought he would work on us and I was his only longest relationship next to his wife. Mostly all the women he dated were pretty trashy and many were simply for sex.

 

It is sad how people can do that. How they can ruin our hearts and trample our lives especially when we love and care about them so much. I look at some of my family members who have stuck together through thick and thin and been married for 30 or more years. A few that come to mind are fairly happy. My one aunt and uncle spend the majority of their time together and it hasn't been always easy. I don't know what has happened to relationships like that??

[Zammo25]

They say they want to be alone, but they say it to YOU. They don't want you and don't need you to know they are looking again, they say it for a multitude of reasons, one of them being damage control.

 

It happens extremely rare that anyone would get out of relationship without having someone lined up, unless their relationship was being abusive etc, but we'll assume it was a healthy relationship between two normal adults.

 

You know how exs often say "I'm not looking for anything right now, I just need time to myself" but the following day they're already screwing someone? They don't want you man, they just need someone as a backup until it's certain they can just make a painless switch and move into another man's arms. If they didn't have anyone lined up, they'd stay with you, no matter how much they may resent you and want change. They aren't stupid, they won't shatter their ego and self worth by being single and having no one, waiting indefinitely for something to come up. They do the waiting and fishing while they're still in relationship with you.

 

You know how people complain that their ex treated them like **** as the relationship was nearing it's end? They already got emotionally detached and knew they were about to leave. It's a classic sign and a major red flag that something is going south. We were just dumb enough not to see it.

 

Do you think seriously someone has to move on to someone else and not be on their own. Maybe I am being naive but I believed her. Not that it matters really or I can do anything about it.

[Ingenue]

Do you think seriously someone has to move on to someone else and not be on their own. Maybe I am being naive but I believed her. Not that it matters really or I can do anything about it.

 

The ex doesn't necessarily have to have another potential mate lined up. I have a friend who did break up with her fella because it genuinely wasn't working. She is still single, was not looking for anything while in the relationship with the guy. It just didn't work.

 

But the scenario of jumping into another relationship while a foot is in the old one, isn't unheard of. When my ex of 5 years broke up with me stating the spark had died and was unable to engage in a conversation because of his emotional fragility, I believed him. He had been honest with me for the duration of the relationship. When I spoke to him after a period of no contact and he informed me that he had started dating another woman 1 week after he dumped me, I realised it was all lies. Clearly he had established the framework prior to breaking up with me and was in the mentality to seek others while still in a relationship with me.

 

Dumpers will often say or do what they need to do for themselves. Selfishness is an unpleasant beast at times. As a dumpee, I would much rather hear the honest explanation.

[EmperorR]

Like a job certain types of people won't leave unless they have another one set up.

 

My ex cheated dumped me a week later after saying she wants to b alone had butterflies in her stomach for some herb and started datig him.

[ahhhchooo]

I think unless there's a good reason for the relationship to end naturally (neglect, abuse or just not getting along), there's a very high chance the dumper has found something or someone they consider better. My story is a classic case, she found out the grass was certainly NOT greener.

[PinkToes]

Most of my exes didn't have someone waiting in the wings. I know it happens, and it has happened to me. But honestly, anyone who behaves that way really isn't worth having in our lives. So the positive side of being dumped for someone else is that we've seen their true colors, and we are fortunate to be rid of them. And most likely, the emotional cheaters will also behave that way in the next relationship. And the next. And the next. And we can do better.

[LostLamb]

My ex found someone new within weeks of us breaking. Very depressing especially as she is probably the one (knowing my luck).

I believe that he met her after our break-up . Lots of people tend to leave a relationship when they have found someone new.I feel like a mug sitting here sad and miserable while he is having fun and love. Life is mysterious

[Peter_pan]

same as most above, she found some one within weeks after

[MalachiX]

Well, my situation with my EX was a bit odd. She "dumped me" but then indicated she seemed to be interested in resolving things a few days later. The harshness of the break however coupled with my own self doubt (I was in the worst depression of my life) caused me to tell her she was better off without me and I didn't know how to fix the relationship (or course, making her even angrier that I wasn't begging for her back).

 

About a month later, I saw on Facebook that she had gotten back together with an older boyfriend before me (we had dated for 2 1/2 years).

 

Now, on the one hand, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. She had seriously dated two different guys before she met me and gone to one when she was the outs with the other, and vice versa, before. She also told me that she felt she really needed a man in her life for support.

 

I wasn't too ticked off about it (since I hadn't begged for her back) except that it made our 2 1/2 years seem more like I was just now one of three guys she'd bounce back and forth between (though I guess that's not really fair). Also, I don't mind saying that I hate the guy she went back to. More importantly, she hated him and was positive he was gay so that was certainly a blow to the old ego. I think I would have felt better if she'd ended up with some guy who I didn't know who I could at least assume was better for her than I was and would make her happy rather than some guy who, based on what she told me, she had even bigger issues than she did with me (and who's a biggot). Still, if she's happy now, I'm happy for her and I mean that sincerely.

 

The only way I wouldn't be happy for her if is she was in communication with this guy seriously before we had our break and that's the one thought that really bothers me. They live even farther away than she and I do so I'm pretty sure she wasn't sleeping with him (that and I don't think she's that kind of person) but it is unsettling to think that the last month we were together she may have been talking to him and seeing if she wanted to trade back or something.

[SRV]

Malachix, it should not matter now whether she was in contact with him or not when you were still together. What I always believe in is that you can only control what is within yourself. Is she did have contact, what can you do about it at this very point?

 

Always take the lessons learnt, next time strive for a more healthier relationship. Learn to see the red flags early. Relationships are not meant to be hard and if they start off on that foot, then you know that something is amiss. There will be challenges, how your face them together will define that very relationship.

 

Learn from past relationships to make the future ones more worthwhile.

[lofi_tokyo]

I'm my case the chances were 100%

[Intergalactic]

my ex told me he couldn't deal with being in a relationship and i believed him (although had a hard time accepting it for a while)..... and i still do, because he hasn't been with anyone since me and it's been almost 8 months since we broke up.

[MalachiX]

Malachix, it should not matter now whether she was in contact with him or not when you were still together. What I always believe in is that you can only control what is within yourself. Is she did have contact, what can you do about it at this very point?

 

Very true but it's not something I really obsess over or anything. I've already taken the time to analyze the relationship and have done my best to make peace with it. I was just trying to indicate that the fact she got together with someone else shortly after we broke up was no skin off my back since I really would like to believe that she's found happiness. The only thing which is unsettling is the idea that perhaps she might have been looking to get back with him before we officially split. Still, it's not something I spend a lot of time thinking about.

 

Always take the lessons learnt, next time strive for a more healthier relationship. Learn to see the red flags early. Relationships are not meant to be hard and if they start off on that foot, then you know that something is amiss. There will be challenges, how your face them together will define that very relationship.

 

Learn from past relationships to make the future ones more worthwhile.

 

You've summed up my view on life these days. I think all tribulations are a lot more meaningful if you look at them as part of a learning experience. That said, I wouldn't say that a failed relationship was less worthwhile. I think a deep relationship which may not have worked and where you made mistakes may end up being more worthwhile, being one where you learned a lot more about yourself, than a more trivial one where everything was fine.

[motive2002]

I've come to terms with the high probability that my ex did in fact find someone else before she dumped me. She swears up and down that it wasn't another man, but knowing her like I do, she requires a lot of validation.. too much so to go cold turkey from her validation from me. She must have been getting it elsewhere.

[birdie]

but isn't it the case that a lot of people (dumper or dumpee) look for rebound quickly after break up? I know dumpees would say that it wouldn't really be their choice but they were lonely/wanted to get over the other person/etc. it works both ways. sometimes the dumper is astonished that the person they broke up with found someone else so quickly.

[sunshinegirl]

Of the four exes who dumped me, three had women waiting in the wings.

 

Damn. I get dumped a lot.

[Trialbyfire]

Rebounding is the easiest and laziest way to get over someone, regardless if you're the one pulling the trigger or not. The only problem with rebounding, is that people never address their own issues and if this is recurring, will continue manifesting in a trail of broken relationships.

 

While each and every relationship shouldn't be viewed as a life sentence, if hatred and bitterness is part of each severance, then it's time to take a serious look at why. Everyone has to address their own issues and also learn to let go.

[Zammo25]

Rebounding is the easiest and laziest way to get over someone, regardless if you're the one pulling the trigger or not. The only problem with rebounding, is that people never address their own issues and if this is recurring, will continue manifesting in a trail of broken relationships.

 

While each and every relationship shouldn't be viewed as a life sentence, if hatred and bitterness is part of each severance, then it's time to take a serious look at why. Everyone has to address their own issues and also learn to let go.

 

Day 12 NC. ITs as hard as ever. I am not looking after myself. Drinking and smoking too much and not eating properly. I must have lost a stone since D Day. At least I have got rid of the spare tyre around my middle thats the only positive to come out of it. But I feel ill and tired probbale due to my own abuse to its the only thing in the evening to take away the pain and get me some sleep. I cannot carry on like this forever. Will it get easier ?. I got a new car today but was not even excited about this. All my interests hold no interest. I just want to stay here and curl up in a ball. I find it hard to do any work and my business is suffering and I am letting it slip which I can not afford to do.

 

HELP !.

[Bluebird In My Heart]

Just as a point of interest. What do you think the statistical likelihood is that your ex has found someone else in the wings to take the baton on and keep running with her ?. When they say they want to be on their own is that a smokescreen ?. We are talking about women mainly and an attractive one at that even that is shallow it is a fact of life an attractive woman could go to a night out and be asked out numerous times and its appears to me men unless they are Brad Pitt when they do the same end up at the bar getting drunk and being ignored.

 

So did your ex have someone else already to ease the break up do you think ?.

 

In my view, if the break-up is sudden and they seem utterly determined to go - it is likely that someone else is in the picture.

 

Also, if everything seemed alright...but suddenly your SO is painting everything that ever happened in the past in your relationship as negative - it is likely that someone else is in the picture.

 

If they seem to want to "keep you around for handy reference" a few weeks/months after they cool off from the take-off - it is not only likely that someone else is in the picture - but it is likely that it is gradually dawning to their fevered brains that the grass might not have been so green where they jumped to, after all....

 

...it is a measure of your self-respect and tolerance for pain as far as what you do with that last scenario.

[Trialbyfire]

Day 12 NC. ITs as hard as ever. I am not looking after myself. Drinking and smoking too much and not eating properly. I must have lost a stone since D Day. At least I have got rid of the spare tyre around my middle thats the only positive to come out of it. But I feel ill and tired probbale due to my own abuse to its the only thing in the evening to take away the pain and get me some sleep. I cannot carry on like this forever. Will it get easier ?. I got a new car today but was not even excited about this. All my interests hold no interest. I just want to stay here and curl up in a ball. I find it hard to do any work and my business is suffering and I am letting it slip which I can not afford to do.

 

HELP !.

Day 12 is so soon, so yes, you're going to be hurting badly. Take it one day at a time. You WILL feel better, as you break the addiction of the relationship. Once you pass that first month, it does get easier, although you'll have recurrences of it hitting you hard, right in the gut. Don't worry. This happens to everyone. As long as you keep processing the pain, a little at a time, and continue moving forward, you'll be fine.

[Blessings]

its very likely...

 

if not SOMEONE else...its SOMETHING else...meaning they're okay...for the most part anyway.