Flirty emails & Chats & one step more

[Amy]

Hi there,

 

I have a problem. My boyfriend likes to chat and flirt with girls on the web. He insists that nothing happens and he's only playing around. But he did meet up with one girl twice and he stayed over in a hotel with her. I know this for a fact - also because hes such a bad liar.

 

I obviously flipped when I found out (through his email box at work). But he insists that he would never do it again. But 1 year later I have found more emails that he sent to girls and again surfing the singles pages.

 

It really upsets me...and he says its normal for guys to do this?! I do love him...but this is really getting me down...and I am scared he'll play the same game again and what if again he gets emotionally tied up with another woman again. I hate it that he risks our relationship everytime he does this......he just doesnt see that!

 

At the same time he has said he wants to loves me and wants to marry me...

 

Should I take a break from him?

[Jesaco]

Hi there, I have a problem. My boyfriend likes to chat and flirt with girls on the web. He insists that nothing happens and he's only playing around. But he did meet up with one girl twice and he stayed over in a hotel with her. I know this for a fact - also because hes such a bad liar. I obviously flipped when I found out (through his email box at work). But he insists that he would never do it again. But 1 year later I have found more emails that he sent to girls and again surfing the singles pages. It really upsets me...and he says its normal for guys to do this?! I do love him...but this is really getting me down...and I am scared he'll play the same game again and what if again he gets emotionally tied up with another woman again. I hate it that he risks our relationship everytime he does this......he just doesnt see that! At the same time he has said he wants to loves me and wants to marry me... Should I take a break from him?

Hi!

 

If he were in love with you, he wouldn't be chatting and setting up dates on chat lines. That behavior is "normal" only for guys who want to meet and get to know other women.

 

He's a little confused I think. Yes, guys are physical human beings, and love to flirt and look at women. But when they're in love, they have no desire to go out with other women. They will still buy the magazines, watch the videos, and surf the pornography sites. All of that is normal. But all of that involves only looking, not meeting.

 

Please don't make yourself miserable by believing what he says. You can't make someone love you. If you are in love with him, you may need to stop seeing him. The only way that you can be happily married is if both of you are in love with each other.

 

Best of luck,

 

Jesaco

[Nicky]

Hi there, I have a problem. My boyfriend likes to chat and flirt with girls on the web. He insists that nothing happens and he's only playing around. But he did meet up with one girl twice and he stayed over in a hotel with her. I know this for a fact - also because hes such a bad liar. I obviously flipped when I found out (through his email box at work). But he insists that he would never do it again. But 1 year later I have found more emails that he sent to girls and again surfing the singles pages. It really upsets me...and he says its normal for guys to do this?! I do love him...but this is really getting me down...and I am scared he'll play the same game again and what if again he gets emotionally tied up with another woman again. I hate it that he risks our relationship everytime he does this......he just doesnt see that! At the same time he has said he wants to loves me and wants to marry me... Should I take a break from him?

Naturally we like chatting to the sex to whom we are attracted. However he is playing with fire, and I get the distinct impression that he is looking for something more than a bit of harmless fun: he's not just surfing chatgroups, but singles sites!

 

Isn't that sign enough?

 

It is disrespectful to you to behave like this, namely because:

 

a: It's generally understood in monogamous relationships, that you don't cheat, and he has.

 

b: He said he'd change his behaviour, and he hasn't.

 

c: You have expressed how hurtful this is, but he hasn't changed. he's putting his needs above yours.

 

Great boyfriend!

 

Answer me this, when you've been in other relationships, do you find your BF's deliberately go where single women are, and strike up "friendships" with them, corresponding and maybe meeting them later????

 

Maybe it's different in your neck of the woods, but it's never been "normal" in my relationships!!

 

Maybe he's grooming for your successor, maybe he just wants the best of both worlds. He said he wouldn't do this again, and he has broken his word by corresponding with them. With something such as infidelity, I wouldn't be waiting around til he cheats.....he's walking along that path anyway as far as I'm concerned. Maybe he does love you and want to marry you, but did he mention whether in that equation he also intends to mess around with other women???

 

I suspect that you will find that he has destroyed (or very nearly) your trust. Twice he has done this to you. Didn't he understand your message first time round? If you stay with him, I feel he'll just keep on slipping into the same routine. He can't be trusted. You're no fool, go find yourself a man worthy of you. Would you want to have kids with him? If he continued to cheat then, would you want a father to your kids like that? Then you'd REALLY be stuck!

 

How can he promise that that won't happen?

 

I can't believe you deserve him. Go get someone more worthy of you.

 

Good luck!

[pr_lover_2000]

Hi there, I have a problem. My boyfriend likes to chat and flirt with girls on the web. He insists that nothing happens and he's only playing around. But he did meet up with one girl twice and he stayed over in a hotel with her. I know this for a fact - also because hes such a bad liar. I obviously flipped when I found out (through his email box at work). But he insists that he would never do it again. But 1 year later I have found more emails that he sent to girls and again surfing the singles pages. It really upsets me...and he says its normal for guys to do this?! I do love him...but this is really getting me down...and I am scared he'll play the same game again and what if again he gets emotionally tied up with another woman again. I hate it that he risks our relationship everytime he does this......he just doesnt see that! At the same time he has said he wants to loves me and wants to marry me... Should I take a break from him?

Hello:

 

My name is Wendy, and I think the reason he's not changing is because he doesn't think you have the guts to leave him. I'm not saying break up with him cause you must follow your heart but if he's meeting the girls that he chats with then that is a whole other level.

 

I myself love to chat with horny people and I may even have them call me at work but I would never under any Circumstances meet any of them for the simple fact that I love and respect my boyfriends. If he uses the excuse that he's just trying to make friends I wouldn't buy it cause I'm from New York and I've been living in Oklahoma for a year and I have no friends. The only friend I have and need is my boyfriend.

 

So, maybe you should take a week or two off so he knows you mean business.

 

Sincerly

 

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