Wife Walked Out, Left Me & Kids

[igotgot]

Is it possible to get a contested divorce without an attorney? I have lost all my money and I can not afford an attorney. The fees they have laid out for me are astronomical.

 

I am already at a disadvantage because I am the dad. I made a mistake by letting her visit the kids because she took them and now I can't see them. I feel I could still get some visitation if I could get the situation in front of a judge. However, no attorneys in my area will tell me how to get this craziness into the court system as it will be a contested divorce. We do not see eye to eye on any of the issues related to divorce.

 

Any ideas?

[2sure]

There is a national organization that supports and promotes the rights of divorced fathers. If you Google Fathers Rights, I'm sure it will come up.

 

So, your wife originally left the children with you, but you did not file for custody due to abandonment, how long was she gone?

[igotgot]

She left for about 2 months before she came back to take the kids and all teh furniture out of the house.

 

I'll google Father's Rights and see what comes up. I really don't care about the divorce, but I want to see the children on a regular basis. I'll pay child support, but she is asking for an unbelievable amount of child support considering how my finances went KABOOM after she abandoned the marriage. I spent all my money trying to save the marriage, trying to save property we purchased, and trying to pay all the bills she left me to pay by myself.

 

Can she hold the kids hostage like that and demand a huge amount of child support before I can see them? Neither of us has any court order giving custody of the kids to either parent at this point.

 

I'm rambling because I am so frustrated with this situation so forgive me.

 

Thanks.

[Gunny376]

If she abdoned the family home and left the children with you, WHAT you need to do is file a police report first. That's Parential Custodial Kidnapping, and since there's not a legal separtation nor custody papers, once you have the police report have the DA take the case before the court, and ask the judge to award you temporary legal-sole custody, with limited supervised visitation and that she pay you child support.

 

Family court judges do not like drama and do not like one parent up-setting the family dynamic, nor day-to-day schedue routine. She's trying to run end-game around in pysching you out into thinking that just because your the Dad/man that custody and child support automatically goes to the mother / women.

 

Women get custody/child support 90% of the time, simply because the men/dad's "lay down" and roll over, but in the 10% of the cases where Dad's do pursue custody, they get it 90% of the time.

 

As far as child support, while its computed differently in each state, its basicially the same forumla. Wife's income + Dad's income = total income ~ wife's income divided by total income = a percentage of total income = wife's share of $$$ in providing ~ ditto with Dad's income. Usually works out to a 40/60 in most case. Factor in other variables, (day care, medical insurance, dental insurance) run finger down and handy-dandy chart to determine each parents financial obligation for the up-keep, mainteance of the children.

 

What she "asks" for and "gets" are two totally different aninmals. If she does get custody, (doubtful if you play your cards right) and child support, it will probally be roughly 25% to 33% of your net income, to which you counter-offer by her taking this bill, that bill, and you get the tax deduction each year (or at least one of them depending on how many children you have)

 

By abandoning the marriage, the martial home, and the family and children, and then "martial kidnapping" she and you have established as the primary caregiver to the children and the steady influence in their lifes. The courts get seriously PO about this stuff.

 

Short of losing your home, car, and the basic necessities of life to provide for yourself and children, you cannot afford not fight this to tooth and nail. If your credit cards go un-paid, your FICO suffers, and you find yourself in bankruptcy ~ oh well. Better to be bankrupt and have your children in your day-to-day lives, than be bankrupt and not?

[Gunny376]

She left for about 2 months before she came back to take the kids and all teh furniture out of the house.

 

I'll google Father's Rights and see what comes up. I really don't care about the divorce, but I want to see the children on a regular basis. I'll pay child support, but she is asking for an unbelievable amount of child support considering how my finances went KABOOM after she abandoned the marriage. I spent all my money trying to save the marriage, trying to save property we purchased, and trying to pay all the bills she left me to pay by myself.

 

Can she hold the kids hostage like that and demand a huge amount of child support before I can see them? Neither of us has any court order giving custody of the kids to either parent at this point.

 

I'm rambling because I am so frustrated with this situation so forgive me.

 

Thanks.

 

No she can't ~ not in any state I know of, (Un-sure ab LA ~ as they go by Napoleonic law rather than English Common Law)

 

Get "Credit Repair For Dummies" IMMEDIATELY to solutions to handling and dealing with your creditors. Explain to them what is going on, what your doing about it, and how your going to handle it. Stay in touch with them weekly, record and document everything, and do everything by mail. If you conduct business over the phone ~ DOCUMENT it ~ who you spoke to, when you spoke to them, and what was said. The worse thing you can do is to avoid the phone calls.

[igotgot]

Your words are encouraging and at the same time heart breaking. I just don't have any money right now. I spent every single dime I had trying to save stuff and now I am left with nothing.

 

So it does appear she can hold the kids from me since there is no way to get this into court without an attorney. I don't have thousands of dollars to get an attorney. She tried to do the kidnapping thing to me and the cops believed her story even though there is no paper work giving anybody custody.

 

This is so darn frustrating that it makes you want to do crazy stuff.

 

Surely everyone out there going through divorce does not have thousands of dollars to pour into attorneys? The attorneys I have called require a retainer for child support, custody, splitting the property, and then the actual divorce. The fees have ranged from $2500-$7500 each and could be more if she wants to drag it out longer.

 

Please, somebody tell me how to bypass this so I can start getting regular visits for our children. I am reading through all the Father's Rights sites now. They appear to be attorneys and are selling a lot of books. Seems as if money is required for all of this. I'll keep reading though.

 

Thanks for the replies so far.

[Nozz]

I am sorry to hear about this situation you have been put through. I would recommend that you remove her from as many bills as can. Also, I would stop your check from going into any joint account. Remove all your savings as well.

 

I also recommend calling Legal Aid, look it up in the phone book. Free service and could help. I know how it feels to not have money and then the spouse leaves. Also, if need be and your credit is good take out a personal loan for the attorney.

 

Does she work? If not by removing any way for her to get your money with make her want to work with you a little more as well.

[Gunny376]

The fees have ranged from $2500-$7500 each and could be more if she wants to drag it out longer.

 

Pennies compared to the $100,000 + I've paid out over the last 18 years!

[steveraves]

I agree with the above poster you should try calling your local legal aid. In some cases it doesn't cost you anything in other situations there are fees, but less than hiring an attorney. The cost is based on your income.

[igotgot]

I tried free legal aid and they could not help. I called a couple of the Daddy's Rights places and they couldn't help me either. I am amazed that a poor person really can't do anything even when the other person has money and is doing something that is not fully legal.

 

As far as joint bills, all the bills were in my name. Big mistake I see. All the properties, all the bills, etc were in my name. We had one joint account that was pretty close to $0 anyways. I gave her credit cards to help keep herself up and she maxed them out, which began my downward spiral with the credit rating.

 

So basically, it looks like I am stuck with not ever being able to go to court to get visitation? Unless I can come up with close to $12,500 to begin the process with an attorney? All the Daddy's Rights places said family law attorneys is not where you want to go with this matter. But they couldn't help me. I'm lost.

[TrustInYourself]

Take heart.

 

Contact family and friends and network for legal advise and emotional support. This is a tough time and it's impossible to get through it alone.

 

Next step, contact your local courthouse to gather information. Talk with the filing clerk if you have to, to understand the process and do your research.

 

What state are we talking about? Most states provide free legal assistance, it's just a matter of doing your research. All this can be accomplished by talking with the county legal clerk or local courthouse.

 

Your next step is to gather information in every free moment. This can be done at law libraries, which can be found online. You need to understand everything you can about your current situation and options available to you.

 

Finally, there are lawyers out there that take payment plan. Take a look at your budget and formulate a plan to get you through these rough times and figure out what you can do to save enough money to get a lawyer.

 

You have options. If you feel like you do not, create options. Legal options. And those nasty thoughts, get them out of your head. Focus on the tasks at hand, for the sake of yourself and your children. Best wishes.

[igotgot]

Trust me, I have asked, asked, asked, and asked some more from everyone I run into for advice and direction on the matter. When I do finally get one or two hundred dollars saved, I will spend it to talk to an attorney for an hour. The never answer all my questions and won't help me any further because my financial situation is so bad.

 

I am in NC. What county do I have to file paperwork in if I want to try something? The county she lives in, the county in which we were married, the county in which we lived in while married, or the county I live in now? I doubt if I can file in my county but I'm asking you guys anyways.

 

I tried free legal aid in my state and they said they could not help. Their advice was to hire an attorney. Arrrrggghhhhhh!!!

 

The nasty thoughts are really escalating today as I feel I am running out of time. I feel I won't get a reasonable amount of visitation because she and her people are dictating everything. It's now Saturday and no attorneys are answering their phones. Do I just ask them if they will take payments on a plan? I asked a couple before and they would not return my calls.

[igotgot]

A few more questions and I'll stop bothering you guys with my problems. The father's rights places aren't providing me any answers once they find out I have no money.

 

1. Can my wife get a divorce without me knowing about it? I mean, I want to fight to make sure everything is split by a judge with both of us present. I don't want to receive paperwork in the mail stating I am divorced without me being able to contest it.

 

2. Can she get full custody of the kids awarded without me knowing about it?

 

Thanks for the replies.

[Gunny376]

1. Yes

 

2. Yes

 

But she would per English common law have to run an ad in the legals of the latest newspapers for thirty days stating so. So I would advise you read them at least weekly