kaylee Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 I dated Bill for six months. Bill is attending school in another state now. Before he left I broke up with him because of his anger problem. He never did anything to hurt me physically, but if something went wrong in his life like he had a bad day at work, he would yell and sometimes throw things. I just couldn't handle it. Other then that things were pretty good between us, and we had almost everything in common. Since he has left we have kept in contact with email and occasionally on the phone. I dated Joe for 5 and a half years then we broke up because our relationship had grown stale, i think mostly because we started dating in high school and both changed over the years. The relationship lost its romance and I started loving him more as a friend than anything else. After Bill and I ended our relationship Joe wanted to try again with me and we've been together for 2 months now. I'm starting to love him as a boyfriend more than a friend now but the feelings still aren't the same as earlier in our relationship. Lately I can't stop thinking of Bill. He's in my mind all of the time, even when I am with Joe because I still love him and miss him. I don't know who I should be with. How do you guys think I should go about making this decision? Do you think people with anger management problems can change, or is Bill destined to be that way the rest of his life? Also, if I stay with Joe do you have any suggestions for making a relationship more romantic after the flames have died down in order to rekindle the feelings I used to have for him? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 Firstly, let me say in my optimism that I do believe people CAN change, but also let me give you fair warning...YOU CAN NOT CHANGE BILL. Often, though truly not always (as I don't like to make generalizations) when a person has anger issues to the point where they're throwing things, it is not an environment conducive to anyone's well-being. It sounds as though your feelings toward Joe may be clouded by the fact that you still have some attachment to Bill. This is of course pure conjecture on my part, but I would think that if you're willing to try to give Joe another chance, you will sever your ties to Bill, at least for a while. If Bill can't understand this, he's definitely not worth your time. The question lies with you, in truth. Do you want Bill or do you want Joe? Or do you actually want either one of them? When you answer that question, (and I highly recommend that if you choose one of the two, that it's Joe, based on your description of him in comparison to that of Bill...as predictability is far greater a blessing than having something thrown AT you.) Frankly, though, if you think you love BOTH of these gents, I'd say you should take a breather and be away from the two of them entirely. May do you some good to be alone for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaylee Posted September 25, 2003 Author Share Posted September 25, 2003 Thanks for your advice. I have tried the separation thing about a month ago, and the whole time I kept wanting to call Joe. After reading your post I really thought about some things. You are probably right in the fact I can't change Bill. And Bill has no desire to change, his mom has been trying to get him to go to anger management classes for years but he always refused because he doesn't think it would be worth his while. He also has told me he likes being angry, and his sister has mentioned that he's been like that as long as she can remember. And predictability really doesn't sound that bad when I think of it, especially because if I stay with Joe I know I am with someone who loves me, and maybe if we just try some new activities we can add the excitement back to our relationship. I think one of the main advantages Bill had is that he was far more exciting because the relationship was new, and I think that loving the excitement is a lot of the reason why I miss Bill. I'm going to stick with Joe and see what happens. I might miss Bill for a while still, but if I tough it out I know I can get over him. Thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
poemsandpeaches Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 Let me help you make the coice... DUMP THE ONE WHO CUMS TOO FAST LOL!!! I'm sorry had 2 say that Link to post Share on other sites
The Velvet Vixen Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 You don't sound exactly head-over-heels for either one. Bill is filled with anger. Bill may love his anger now, but eventually that anger will eat away at his insides until there is nothing left of him. If Bill "likes being angry" and doesn't care that his temper upsets you, then he must love his anger more than he loves you. I say leave Bill and let him and his anger live together, happily ever after. Joe has become like a brother to you. He sounds like a lovely guy, but the romance has gone out of the relationship. I think the two of you should go back to being just friends. I'm sure you'll remain friends for years to come. If either guy was really right for you, you wouldn't be so indecisive. When you find the one, you will know it. There are plenty of other guys in the world! Keep searching, and don't settle. Link to post Share on other sites
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