Combos Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I took some advice and talked with H. We had a little yelling match that lasted about 30 minutes and then we got to the point where we talked. First, I have to say that in the heat of the moment I told H that I released him he was free to do what he wanted with whom he wanted. He replied that he told me he was done in Nov. So he wasn't for sure what I was meaning about that. He also said that we were both grown adults and that he did not need to get my permission to do anything. So I had asked him if I needed to get a lawyer and he would not answer me. I told him that I was not going to stay in a marriage where my H did not want to be with me. I also told him that I thought I should get a bank account of my own and that I would keep my name on the account that we had jointly so the boys checks would still come through. Alot of things were aired today. I don't know if it was a good thing or not. I asked my H if he was really done than we needed to have time away from eachother. I told him that maybe a seperation was in order. His response was "thats what you always do run away". I told him that is not what I wanted to do but what I thought we needed to do. Needless to say he was all against it. I then asked him if we were just "friends" and he flew off the handle on that one. He asked me why I could just except what we had. I asked him what do we have? He stated I guess the last 12 years means nothing. I then stated we hardly ever kiss or hug or even go and do things together. I said that we are living as friends. He got testy on that as well. He would not tell me what he thought we had. i even told him maybe I'm not seeing what he is. Still no answer to that one. Needless to say things have not changed any...not really. I have tried everything I can think of to show him that I love him but he just does not want to listen...he keeps telling me he wants to take it day by day. I need some really good advice...I love him but do not want to sell my self short. Oh yes I told him that I didn't want us to be done and I asked him the same question he said no, but I told him he said he was done in Nov. He said he said that but did not want to be done. He is hot and cold all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Sounds like you guys have been struggling for a while now. I went back and read your other threads and I would suggest some MC. If you don't want your marriage to end, then go to MC with your H. Commit to at least 10 sessions. If you aren't willing to go, then what change can you make to improve the M? Or do you believe the M is as good as it gets? Obviously, if you truly want out - hire a lawyer. I personally think, based on all the posts, that MC can have great affect. I would find one and go... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Sounds like you guys have been struggling for a while now. I went back and read your other threads and I would suggest some MC. If you don't want your marriage to end, then go to MC with your H. Commit to at least 10 sessions. If you aren't willing to go, then what change can you make to improve the M? Or do you believe the M is as good as it gets? Obviously, if you truly want out - hire a lawyer. I personally think, based on all the posts, that MC can have great affect. I would find one and go... Makes sense to me. Combos, you have to decide to either try and start counseling OR not try and get a lawyer. Your H seems frozen in place so the decision is up to you. One thing I learned early on in a struggling marriage is that the only person I could control was me. Probably time for you to determine a direction and get started... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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