Partner prefers masturbation to sex and it hurts...

[Heart_ Broken]

Basically after about a year into our relationship I discovered that my partner had been looking at porn and even told me at one point that he was thinking about how it would have turned out if he was still with his previous girlfriend. (this part didn't bother me as much due to he liked her for many many months though was only with her for about a month). So I told him that him looking at porn makes me feel like i'm not good enough for him. since than I though he has stopped though up until now alot more has happened.

 

I have awoken to him countless times lying next to me and maturbating. but what bother me more is that it is over things like the girls on the pay per view exercising commercials. Than I have awoken to things like him reading pornos and masturbating and he lies to my face instead of owning up. There was also a time when I wanted to have sex with him and he wasn't interested so I rolled over and pretended I was asleep within a few minutes he was mastubating. It makes me feel so small and worthless. He know's this and still he doesn't stop, he tells me that he's trying it just we can't he gets urges or whatever and that he loves me and they mean nothing.

 

I have now been becoming worse and having many more breakdowns and things. I am jealous of who he is around what he watches and everything. I question him about his work, why he was 10-15mins late home from work and every liitle thing he saw on T.V when he got home. I call him while i'm at work to check up on him. It is all becoming to much for me.

 

I am so sorry guys for the novel I just want some thoughts on this. I just want to know if I am over reacting with this or not

[Tony T]

Some masturbation in appropriate and discrete places is pretty normal for a guy, whether or not he's in a relationship. However, when the practice interferes with the relationship it is then seriously problematic. Your partner has already shown you he is not going to respond to your feelings. Either his masturbation is an addiction which he cannot let go of or he care more about his hand than he does about you.

 

Have ONE FINAL...ONE LAST....talk with him about this. Let him know once more how hurt you are about this. Let him know you are willing to understand that he masturbates now and then. Make it very clear to him, however, that you are hurt, insulted, embarrassed, and angered that he refuses to have sex with you and then masturbates right next to you when he thinks you are asleep. Let him know you are extremely concerned about his preoccupation with masturbating to porn vs. having sex with you.

 

If he will not get therapy or make some effort with both of you involved to significantly reduce the frequency, venue, etc. of his masturbation then you will have no other choice but to seek a more sexually responsive mate.

 

Most women would have been long gone. Most would not have put up for a day what you are putting up with on a daily basis.

[georgejungle]

yeah, this seems wayyyy unhealthy. There's a time and place

for servicing yourself....to do it right next to you, is Total

disrespect, when he lies about it and all.

 

Dump this dude. He has issues.

[Mahatma]

I feel sorry for you, I really do... but why would you even be dating this guy?

 

If he remarks to you that he still wonders how things would be with this other girl, he clearly is not over her.

 

Drop the boy and find a man.

[ReeWoo]

"WTF!? I want sex and you want sex but you don't want sex with me!? Get on me or GTFO out of my bed!"

 

Cannot say it much straighter. The guy has issues . . . go find yourself a man that doesn't or you may be typing an entry in a few years stating that "Basically after about 5 years into our relationship I my partner continues looking at porn and even . . ."

 

He says that he loves you but he's not acting that way - get out while you can. IMO.

[LavendarGirl]

Masterbation is a normal, healthy thing. But in a relationship where masterbation is routinely preferred over the partner, porn is being viewed in secret (and in spite of the partner's disapproval), then there is something terribly wrong. You need to sit him down, have a talk, and tell him that you are worth much more than this. Essentially his depriving you of the attention and sex you deserve is chipping away at your self esteem. Unless he changes his tune/actions in short order, I'm afraid it is best for you to exit the relationship, because it won't be getting any better.

 

Best of luck to you,

--LG.

[TigerCub]

I've actually been in your position before. It was with a guy that I was in a long term relationship with. In the beginning we used to be all over each other, then somwhere near the 1 year mark, he started pulling that **** (no pun intended ). It destroyed my selfesteem (he never masturbated right next to me), but there were times when he didn't want to have sex for whatever reason and I knew that he was wanking to porn, it really does hurt one's self esteem. So I totally dropped him. I knew that I'd rather be alone than be with someone that makes me feel so bad.

 

It was the best thing I've ever done. I regained my self esteem, I met a lot of different people and I totally knew that the problem was never me, it was him.

 

Masturbation and porn aren't bad things, but when one partner prefers those things to actual intimacy with their SO, then they're really not worth keeping. Dump him, and go find someone that will apprecaite you and he can just go on and f**k himself!

 

Best of Luck

[Wildguy]

I agree with everyone above, but are there any other sexual problems? I've heard of guys shying away from sex if they have E.D. or premature ejaculation. That could be a reason he is not wanting to and would choose masturbation over sex.

 

If not, then for sure there is a serious issue that you need to take care of.

[AAlike]

I agree with everyone else - this dude has to go.

 

While I do think that women often tend to make a mountain out of a molehill when it comes to porn, it should never get to the point where it is preferrable to real sex! and to do it while lying NEXT to you (unless you're indirectly involved - haha) is plain insulting.