takemeaway Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I'm really confused. So...I've been talking to a guy whose quite a bit older than me for the past few months, and hes having relationship problems with somebody he has been seeing for a while, which he likes to talk to me about. I'm confused as to whether him talking to me about her is him hinting that he's unhappy with her, or if its him telling me taht he only sees me as a friend. Guys... what does it mean when you talk to another girl about how much you're unhappy with your girl? Are you looking for a female's advice, or are you hinting at her? Link to post Share on other sites
Sagelily Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Hi TakemeAway:) Well, I'm Not A Guy, But Both Of My Best Friends Are. And From Experience, I Can Tell You That Generally Speaking, Unless You've Been Really Close With This Particular Guy For A Long Time, Him Opening Up This Way May Mean That He's Unhappy In His Relationship And He Might Be Into You. At Least That's What It Sounds Like To Me. He Also Might Just Really Trust You And Your Opinion, And Is Looking For Advice, Who Knows. I'd Get A Second Opinion From Someone Who You Both Know. Good Luck. Oh, And You May Get More Responses If You Post This In Either The Relationships/Friends/Friends And Lovers Forums. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 IMO, if he's unhappy with his current relationship and expressing those feelings to you, then he's probably hinting towards some type of R..especially if there is some sort of attraction present. I'd like to think that most men whom are having troubles with a partner would speak to the partner about it if they were serious about fixing the issues. If they are having a hard time expressing those thoughts to the partner, then a family member, or male friend would make more sense to me than a female friend. I'd be careful.. especially if you have feelings for this man that are more than just platonic. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Good Luck. Oh, And You May Get More Responses If You Post This In Either The Relationships/Friends/Friends And Lovers Forums. Cross-posting is frowned upon, here....... Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I think male friends will sometimes ask you, as a woman friend, 'what does this mean?', given that you're a female and you might have a bit of insight. But I think if it's more than one or two specific things very rarely, and starts being more of a 'my wife doesn't understand me'... then it begins to go into dangerous territory. E.g. A friend might say: 'I need a bit of help; bought my wife x, and she seems really annoyed and won't talk to me about it, could you give me some insight into where I went wrong?' As a one-off. Then the conversation goes back to more matey topics, etc. Contrasted that with something like: 'Had another bad time with the W last night... seems everything I do is wrong, she really upsets me... I know you wouldn't be like that, you understand me. I often think I'd be better off divorced and with someone else... blah-di-blah'. Link to post Share on other sites
LavendarGirl Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 If he's talking about how he is miserable in his marriage, and in a way that seems to beg for pity, he may be hitting on you. Especially if he is also escalating things between you and he (more time together, stands closer to you, compliments you, etc). If he's a good friend and you guys talk about everything anways, and he asks you on rare occasion advice on a marital situation, I don't think it means anything (and the talk is innocent). And as good friends you guys talk about quite alot, and he talks alot of good about his wife too. If he talks about what a great wife he has, how beautiful she is, and how lucky he is to be with her, then he's letting you know for whatever reason that he's not on the market. Link to post Share on other sites
Sagelily Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Cross-posting is frowned upon, here....... I Didn't Mean For Her To Cross Post, I Meant That One Of Those Forums Would Be More Appropriate For That Particular Question. Sheesh. My Fault. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Even if he is interested in you, why would you try to get closer to him when he's got relationship problems? All that's going to do is cause drama and big rollercoaster ride for you to be on. If he makes a move on you or tells you he likes you - Tell him you're not interested in pursuing anything with him until he's ended and done with his previous relationship. I take it something is going on otherwise you wouldn't have posted in this section. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 If I were to talk about relationship problems with a female it would probably be one with one I wasn't interested in. But that's me. Link to post Share on other sites
willing Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I think that when men talk to a new woman in their life about their problems with their love life, that the man is becoming interested in the new woman. I believe talking about this subject matter is a way of becoming intimate with one another. In a way, this breach of confidentiality is a way of 'crossing the line' with a woman who is not his lover (yet). What do you want from him? Are you interested in him as a friend or as a lover? Do you even know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author takemeaway Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 thank you all for your advice. Yes, I do like him, and I thought he liked me too, until I found out he was in a relationship, but then he kept talking to me, and the I start hearing how badly the relationship was going (NOT in a "i love her so much, im so hurt" kind of way at all)...and I'm not sure what he wants from me. I think its possible that he just likes having my attention while he's in a relationship heading south...but its also possible that he does like me. And of COURSE I wouldn't do anything while they are still together. Sorry for the cross-posting, its my first time here, realized after I posted here that it probably belonged in the other category. Link to post Share on other sites
mrmatt Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I Didn't Mean For Her To Cross Post, I Meant That One Of Those Forums Would Be More Appropriate For That Particular Question. Sheesh. My Fault. How in the world do you type like that?? Capping every word... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I consider it grooming the woman to be different from the one that he's already with. I find that annoying. If you do get into a R with a guy that does that and you do something like the previous GF, the "You're just like xxxx" or "You women are all the same", or "didn't I tell you blah blah blah" is usually not too far behind. To me, it really says more about him than about her or the relationship. It shows how he deals with difficulties. He should be saying those things to her, not anyone else unless its a counsellor. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Some people talk about relationship problems with members of the opposite sex as a way of: 1. sending off 'I'm available, but not 100%' vibes 2. posing a challenge, or presenting an opportunity for 'rescue' from the 'bad' relationship 3. making their SO the 'bad guy' so that the OP will be more likely to cheat with them Do you get touches and hugs from this guy in ways you don't from other platonic males? Link to post Share on other sites
WalkOnWater Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 He's hinting at you. If he just wanted female advice, he'd post on LS! Link to post Share on other sites
noreply110 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Well call me crazy, but it can mean both. I have good friends, males that I have known for a long time, including my H's friends who have come to me for advice/venting on their relationships. But all of these males see me as a sister. And I have known them for a long time. Then there are the guys who like to whine about their relationships to a sympathetic ear. It is usually a woman, as they are the only ones that seem willing to listen (I said usually, not always!). These guys can develop a crush, but I don't think it starts that way. Then there are the players. They complain to get your attention and sympathy, and then you are hooked. What is his body lanuguage? Does he get close? Is he touchy? Does he use it to get private time? Or does he seem annoyed while he is telling you, like he is reliving it? Does it center around the same thing over and over again? What is his actions telling you? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 The problem here is too - SHE likes this guy and is interested, though she won't let anything happen between them unless he ends his relationship. This could be a case of she's reading into anything and everything he's saying - Maybe he IS just venting and needing an ear..But, he also could be opening the door for an affair setting as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Exactly...regardless of actual intent...deeply emotional communication like this can absolutely set the foundation for an affair. It's a dangerous practice REGARDLESS of intent. Link to post Share on other sites
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