How would read this text!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mr.dream merchant]

Damn that's wussup man! One ho down, no more to go hopefully. Grab you a nice respectable woman. Isn't that some **** though? Using her unhappiness as an excuse to cheat? Its takes two to make a relationship not so fun.

[urdone]

One things for sure, it'll still be her and her unhappiness long after I'm gone.....and hooked up with some hottie

[jnj express]

Just make sure you take care of yourself and your son----she has been blameshifting for a long time, one of these days she is going to come to her senses, and realize she has screwed up big time. She is gonna find out the grass is not greener elsewhere, and these guys she is screwing around with it is all fantasy, there is no reality and hard life decisions with them. It will hit her, and hit her hard. Just stay strong, do you intend to file for divorce?

[urdone]

Yes, I think you are 100% correct in your observations.

 

I have to ask myself....the only thing she has admitted to is getting on with some guy "she didn't know" at a party....what is she possibly trying to take away from that...some form of validation, and yes these guys are just a fantasy I found out who the guy was, just some dipsh*t "player", worthless numbnuts....and all this only two weeks after splitting (if not before).

 

None of these guys are there for any other reason but a good time, and a free piece of meat. How could I possibly ever lower myself to thinking about taking her back after this?. You are right, one day after all the night clubbing, fast friends and partying lose their sparkle she may indeed decide that she want's to come back.

 

As far as I'm concerned it's done, finished, over and I don't say that in a flippant way....I suffer very badly for this, the shock, disbelief, despair, anger, hurt and pain are my constant bed fellows and sometimes all I can do is cry my heart out. The pain I see in my son that she completely denies exists is beyond belief.

 

One thing is for certain I will never take her back, and I will file for divorce, there just has to be someone better waiting for me out there. Infact my Pastor is so incensed by her that he's vowed to "hook me up the right one" LOL...a very nice gesture and very unexpected coming from a Pastor....

 

I am realistic and to be perfectly honest I think I'm going to be out of action for a couple of years over this.

 

Thanks.

[Scorpio13c]

Urdone,

I think you're handling this superbly and will be a role model for those unfortunate souls who are, or will be going through something similar!

All my best wishes for you and your son, you will have better times!

 

Scorp

[jnj express]

Hey you are doing the right thing, there is nothing to even think about. The woman you married has passed on to another life, this thing that now inhabits her body, you DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER OR IT OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT. But do not back down and give in when she comes crawling to you crying and on her knees, for when her fling is over, and she realizes what she has done she will try to come back. Be strong and do not give in.

[urdone]

It's true, it's like the person that was there has COMPLETELY CHECKED OUT!!!!!, and that's something I have a very very hard time dealing with, she gave up everything to hang out with a bunch of 30 year olds that all live at a lower level, drink and all have casual sex and drama as if they are 17 year olds....I'm not sure what happened to her but she seems to have immersed herself totally in it. I still can't believe how much has happened in such a short space of time!.

 

What really pisses me off is that once a month she shows up to church!!!, she comes in the last 20 minutes and has obviously been out all night partying and she even "looks different", I don't know if she looks the same to anyone else but to me it's like I'm looking at a stranger..it's really weird. As always she dumps our son on her auntie every Saturday night, I'm sitting here, my son's sitting I don't know where and she's sitting somewhere else, it would almost be funny if it wasen't so insanely pathetic....and all the time the preaching from the pulpit is making a complete ass out of the lot of us....I have no idea why she bothers to go

to deal with her own guilt I guess.......either way she is a stranger now, I was hoping after the first couple of weeks she was going to snap out of it and come to her sense's like this was all some big mistake, now I know that is never going to happen. I don't really believe she will ever come back anyway.....Why has she done all this???, does my fu*ken head in!!!. I always get down after physically seeing her....it sux so bad.....why am I paying for this?.

[jnj express]

you must remember there may have been problems with the mge., there are with most mge., but having her wild fling, and A's, and ONS, is not your fault in any way shape or form. These are her own choices, and if she is dumping her kids off with others who shouldn't have them when she is spose to be responsible for them, just keep a log of all these things, date time, situation and use it against her when you go to court to settle custody

[urdone]

Yes we had problems and of course they were always my fault....never hers...I'd end up saying sorry when I didn't even do anything wrong!. There were also real problems but none so big or bad in anyway to warrant any of this....I'm a complete non smoker/drinker, good guy, never laid a finger on her type, it was almost as if there was no real reason to bail so she had to invent hem to justify her actions.

 

A very telling sign is when everyone was totally shocked at how unexpected it was....and how nobody is bad mouthing me....I mean if 50 people tell you your an ******* then there must be something to it.....but there was nothing like that...

 

She was so willing to give up and get out she simply agreed to 50/50 custody on the spot.....My reasoning behind this is that it simply gives her more time on her own to work on her social life.

 

I still can't get over the change, there be some clinical explanation for it....it's just so strange, how do you completely turn off. It is as if someone flicked a switch and that was it!.

[Island Girl]

Yes we had problems and of course they were always my fault....never hers...I'd end up saying sorry when I didn't even do anything wrong!. There were also real problems but none so big or bad in anyway to warrant any of this....I'm a complete non smoker/drinker, good guy, never laid a finger on her type, it was almost as if there was no real reason to bail so she had to invent hem to justify her actions.

 

Absolutely true.

 

She got bored, frustrated, what ever and she looked for reasons to leave.

You didn't give her any so she made them up.

Then when she looks in the mirror she can lie to herself and blame you.

 

But the self deception can not last forever.

Just like the partying etc can't.

 

Imagine a 60 year old woman trying to go out to some clubs and party it up. Who's going to go along?

yeah, no one.

And the people she is doing that right now with? Well eventually they'll meet someone too and friendships fade.

 

She will find herself "rode hard and put away wet".

Looking like ****, possibly becoming a barfly (oooo yeah! attractive!), and all alone.

 

While you my friend, take a little while to get your head clear and then go about creating a normal life again but this time there aren't a whole lot of men who've got it together, are good guys, smart, a great sense of humor, etc. You will be able to afford to be very selective.

 

There is no figuring out crazy. Crazy just is.

 

You lived with it for a long time. And at times it is understandable that your head gets full of crap. After all crap is kind of what you are used to. She fed you a lot of it.

 

Take the time to clear your head as I said.

Good days will be more and more prevalent. Just remember the sun doesn't shine everyday. Sometimes it rains. So be prepared for the bad days and know that they will pass.

[urdone]

That is exactly what I need to hear this morning.

 

It has made me think.....the reason she wasen't happy with me really is because she really isn't happy with herself...and how does skipping out on me instantly make her happy.....it's just not possible is it.....even when we were together I never said she could or couldn't do anything, she had all the freedom to go out with her friends whenever......I was never insecure abotu anything like that and for the best part of 10 years I really did trust her and she never gave me any reason to doubt that until recent times.

 

What I think it really boils down to is- "I want so much out of life, and I want you to provide all of it" and it was just plainly impossible for me to keep up with those demands...for anybody to keep up with those demands and there is no way the next guy will be able to either....I would have to say that she is very attractive and that may be her ticket to nabbing a guy with money.

 

Here are a few of the varying "reasons" she had for leaving-

 

Because of my reaction to the text I found???, I know some pretty mellow guys that have said they would have beaten their wives black and blue no questions asked if they had found that....all I did was throw a fit....catch her in her lie...and this is my fault?, she never did anything to convince me otherwise and carried on in a very suspect way.

 

Because I said something a couple of weeks previously that made her realise "I would never change"...this is a really interesting one since what am I supposed to change into?....her ideal of what the perfect man is...this one is yet another enduring pipe dream....There would be a million things I would change about her but "she never had a problem"...and I accepted her warts and all...she often joked that she would never leave and hook up with someone else because "no one else would put up with her"....obviously now it has occured to me that this wasen't a joke. This has infact reminded me of an email she sent me a couple of weeks previous to the split it reads....."You are such a sweet and caring man, thank you for putting up with my torrent moods, I love you so much"....living proof that talk is cheap.

 

And the biggest one of all...MONEY!, It always came back to money...it was always about "you need to take your family somewhere"....this is what she meant....in a discussion I had with her one day.....I'm a woman and I should be looked after...if I don't want to work and have another baby you should have a job that covers me so I don't have to back to work straight away (this one is fair enough), then comes the....if I want to stop working and start my own business you should be able to pay for this...I want to travel you should beable to pay for this, I want a nice (big) house and you should provide me this...and all the while I want to be the pampered spoilt housewife.....and your pitiful 50 grand a year won't cover it...she earnt 60 grand a year and I never heard the end of it....because she put her money into the savings it was "all the money I have saved"...completely forgetting we lived on my salary!!!!!, but it was all her money in the savings!!!!!.......

 

To me money was really the biggest and ugliest of all the beasts...because it was not about money it was about what money meant....I don't have to listen to anyone.....I need to be validated....I want everything those rich flakey asshol*es at my snobby job have....I want to grossly over-compensate for my neglected poverty stricken childhood and all the years of abuse I took in in (this is very Freud and very true)....she was very adept at nailing herself on a cross and telling me about how good she was and how far she had come and how great she really is and how lucky I was to a have her?. The reality is I would have to have earned at least $300,000 a year to provide her with everything she wanted.....they say money can't buy happiness I'd have to disagree to an extent since it is not really love she needs.

 

I can't handle stress...I don't know alot of people that can...and when you live everyday with a gun pointed at your head...ie- someone telling you you had better get me all these things or I'll leave you...well it's a constant state of anxiety and fear...and that is enough stress within itself.

 

I didn't exercise enough....never mind the fact that I was constantly stressed by her and lacked any form of energy, basically I was completely exhausted all the time. Now the real funny part....She never exercised at all herself...yet I was meant to?.

 

The list just goes on and on and on...

 

And yes your right, there is no figuring out crazy..it just is.

 

Thanks for letting me have my ranting session I really needed it...and this is really helping me....

 

Thanks.

[LifesontheUp]

Don't have anything more to add than whats already been said. Sounds like she's selfish and thinks money is the be all and end all.

 

My xH was like that....he came into a lot of money just after I divorced him and was very vocal about what a wonderful life he was going to lead on it. Well yeah........years later he is living a sad and lonely life whilst I on the other don't have nowhere near as much money but am very happy with my partner and have what money can't buy...........my gorgeous little boy

 

IMHO you are better off without her. You will get through all this and will find someone who deserves you and treats you like a human being rather than a money making machine whom she runs down.

 

Good luck

[The Collector]

And yes your right, there is no figuring out crazy..it just is.

 

There's nothing crazy to figure out. Your story is similar to so many men in your position. Woman settles down, has kids, gets bored after ten years, looks for a way out, causes arguments and finds fault where there is none to justify it, and it's over. Then she can go back to the empty partying she's been missing.

 

The fact that she'd say she'd stay if you earnt more is further proof that your caring and loyalty were wasted on this woman. But despite her bad behaviour, if a person wants out of a relationship, they can leave. Try and accept that you had your time together, and now it's over. And soon a new chapter will begin for you.

[imagine]

Right, you are done with her, go plan B.

 

Can you get her to sign all her responsibilities away. Take all custody. You need proof that she is abusing the kids. For example, does she bring the drinking crew before the children.

 

You do not need to see her again. Get a person that would act as a intermediary taking messages and taking the children. Fix you. Move on with your own life.

 

Normally a plan B is heralded with a note that says that you would like to reconnect but in your case you have disconnected. Initiate divorce proceedings.

[lostsunsets]

She needs to be used like a piece of meat. She is old, and she will get older looking quick. She will get plenty of sex, but no one will give a damn about her. Do you think any of her party friends care? At some point she will wake up. Why? Because she will want to be loved. Not that she will want to love. She is selfish. Divorce her asap, and find someone worth loving.

[urdone]

To all you guys and girls...you don't know how much it means to me that you would all give me your honest and open opinions on this.......it is so much better to hear this from alot of people that have also been there and done that.

 

As much as I still deal with alot of pain and disbelief over all this I am also waking up to the fact that so many people I know all tell me the same thing....basically she is a complete bitch:D there are a few words that constantly seem to come up about her....callous, cruel, selfish,.....It's almost as if I was a dog that had been beaten for so many years that in the end I truely believed that I was good for nothing...and that is plainly bullsh*t.....once she was completely done with me it's obvious she is now on the look out for the BIGGER BETTER DEAL!!!.

 

I am (so they tell me) a fantastic guy, that never deserved any of this sh*t, and was far to good for her....well I'm not to sure how much of that is true since I don't feel like I'm that great!!!!!......Hey but maybe I am :laugh::laugh:, God knows I have so much to give...and if I could have been that good to someone who was so bad for me......how good would I be for someone that is so right for me.....HHHHHhhhmmmmmmm:)

[Dexter Morgan]

 

This is what it said-

 

Hi Joe ot's Betty,

 

Whats with the confession LOL, Holley is giving me the low down.

 

For the record it was you that backed away 3 times (you Italian tease) not me.

 

I regret nothing and neither should you.

 

Like I said at the club "you take the lead"

 

Betty xx.

 

how would I read that? Your wife is having an affair or really wants to.

 

Either way this is highly inappropriate behavior for someone who is married.

 

 

Of course I hit the roof, first she denied it was her and said she was borrowing someone elses sim card (Which she had) BUT, this message was dated the 24th and we were on holiday, absolutely no one else touched that phone. The story then changed to "nothing happened".

 

She is so full of sh#t it aint even funny.

 

 

She said that he was drunk and tried to kiss her 3 times

 

ya right, remember this line..."it was you that backed away, not me"

 

 

.....and she told him she was married so he backed off each time......he also claimed the "you take the lead line" was a reference to dancing?.

 

Like hell it was.

 

 

I of course got angry and she then instead of even telling him he was jerk, claimed he felt really bad and she was brushing it off THEN got angry at me say "you have done things in the past" NO I HAVE F**KEN NOT, not once in 10 years. SHE ACTUALLY DEFENDED HIM?

 

The very next day (YES XMAS DAY!!!) she pulled the plug on the marriage saying she wanted a divorce and moved out, she has not made contact since.

 

Yup, she is guilty as charged. She got caught and now wants out. Otherwise if she was true blue and nothing happened, she'd be fighting for this marriage.

 

 

A friend of hers, went around to her place a week ago to visit and said when she knocked on the door there was a mad panic off the couch and saw this guy dart into the back bedroom.

 

Just consider yourself lucky and that you will be getting rid of this cheater. The sooner you are free from her the better life will start to become again. I guarantee that.

[urdone]

Into week 13 of this and for whatever reason the last 2 days have been a nightmare, it may have been because I saw her on Sunday coupled with her "confession" last week, I have hardly been able to get out of bed and have been having intense highs and lows rapidly. I've barely been able to sleep or eat. It's like I'm back at square one.

 

I'm really shocked at how intense it's been.....is this typical of the 3 month mark....I generally feel rotten most of the time and am STILL in a deep state of shock over it all.......and find it really really hard to believe this is actually my life!!!, it feels very surreal at the moment..like I'm watching a movie of someone elses nightmare.

 

I hate the fact that I-

hurt so bad over her, still love her, she didn't miss me for even one day and wasted no time in moving on.

 

I still cannot believe that I wasted 10 years on a woman who simply ended up not caring one bit about me....that was 10 years of complete devotion and unconditional love......for what?.

[imagine]

You are going through a series of phases. She is not.

 

She did want to get out and will take consequences. I'm sorry that you have to go through this crap!

[Sco]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I feel your pain brother, hits so close to home.. really feels like we're all eating from the same sandwich of cr**.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Now understand this: there's nothing to say she's not hurting to, or miss you, or is easy for her to move on. I beg to differ and actually believe she's not liking this either, and is hurting just as well. All that bad girl stuff she’s doing is nothing but her way of dealing with a much bigger enigma. Believe it or not women are very puzzling, don't act nor show emotions like us men. They aren't wired like us at all my friend. When necessary, they can be pretty tough, strong and resilient. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]You go to church, so you must believe in God, there must be a reason the Great Architect chose them to bear the human race 9 months at a time. I may "ve lost a few folks here, but some will get it. Chances are she's sharing with her friends those same pain you share candidly with us. Nevertheless, an affair gives you this quick thrust high up in the air, to only come crashing down heavily on the ground ALWAYS. Have no doubt, regardless how wild & crazy she might act, at the end of the day, when she pulls up the cover and gets off her high, it’s one on one time with self, then the enigma takes over, and the problems hit home. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Now think deep and answer these questions: Why did she stay with you for over 10 years? Were you making $300k in year 1 of your marriage? Were you meeting all her needs then (there are 10 big ones), or didn't matter for her back then, but now they do? What is the meaning of love to you? You said you love her over and over.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Here's my point, unless she's a serial cheater, or she's always high on drugs, something got to have gone south somewhere.. therefore you must find out what it is and when it started. This is important because, the easiest thing to do is to " blame blame blame", playing the same blame shifting game she's playing.. and I believe you that she did all these horrible things.. and that you’re a better person than she is.. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]but the danger is, sometimes we can get so caught up in dissecting what our spouse do, that we fail to take the time to do the deep inner soul search and see our honest share of contribution to the problem.. cause if you don't my friend, you're more likely to find yourself in the same situation 10 years from now with a different woman, wondering what happen. That’s the last thing you need. I see you hold yourself highly, there's nothing wrong with that, and I believe you.. but I also believe that we can all get a little better in life. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Trust me, I'm not trying to knock you with a 2x4.. I'm with you, I feel your pain, cause I'm riding the same wave right now, and it's brutal.. especially when there are children involved. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. One thing I can tell you is, it is never a one way street, it is never just one person's fault. It's important to find your own flaws, your contribution to this matter and work on them, because even if things don't work out with her, at least you'll be a better man tomorrow, and won't bring any detrimental flaw to your next relationship. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]As far as the pain you're feeling right now, it comes and goes, unfortunately there's no easy fix.. when it hits you, you do mental work, I mean " extinguishing her thoughts out of your mind, replacing it with others literally". Just like meditation, you control your thought, saying "I have authority over my mind, I let in what I want and I remove what I don't want". Easier say than done, true.. fundamentally challenging, yep.. but academically simple, you got it.. Practice makes perfect.. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Remember “ This Too Shall Past ”.. there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to drag yourself to the end. I encourage you to be the bigger person, pray for her, no name calling, “after all she’s the mother of your child”, always try to do right by her, be good and kind, no other man can nor will ever give her that, deep down inside she knows, even if she won’t show it. That’s the way to go out my friend, “a good and humble man”, and she’ll miss that for the rest of her life. Her head is in the fog right now, she’ll come out of it one day. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I’ll keep you and your family in prayers, [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]So long brother, take care of yourself, it does get better…[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[Sco]

<Repost, sorry about the formatting error>

 

I feel your pain brother, hits so close to home.. really feels like we're all eating from the same sandwich of cr**.

 

Now understand this: there's nothing to say she's not hurting to, or miss you, or is easy for her to move on. I beg to differ and actually believe she's not liking this either, and is hurting just as well. All that bad girl stuff she’s doing is nothing but her way of dealing with a much bigger enigma. Believe it or not women are very puzzling, don't act nor show emotions like us men. They aren't wired like us at all my friend. When necessary, they can be pretty tough, strong and resilient.

 

You go to church, so you must believe in God, there must be a reason the Great Architect chose them to bear the human race 9 months at a time. I may "ve lost a few folks here, but some will get it. Chances are she's sharing with her friends those same pain you share candidly with us. Nevertheless, an affair gives you this quick thrust high up in the air, to only come crashing down heavily on the ground ALWAYS. Have no doubt, regardless how wild & crazy she might act, at the end of the day, when she pulls up the cover and gets off her high, it’s one on one time with self, then the enigma takes over, and the problems hit home.

 

Now think deep and answer these questions: Why did she stay with you for over 10 years? Were you making $300k in year 1 of your marriage? Were you meeting all her needs then (there are 10 big ones), or didn't matter for her back then, but now they do? What is the meaning of love to you? You said you love her over and over.

 

Here's my point, unless she's a serial cheater, or she's always high on drugs, something got to have gone south somewhere.. therefore you must find out what it is and when it started. This is important because, the easiest thing to do is to " blame blame blame", playing the same blame shifting game she's playing.. and I believe you that she did all these horrible things.. and that you’re a better person than she is..

 

but the danger is, sometimes we can get so caught up in dissecting what our spouse do, that we fail to take the time to do the deep inner soul search and see our honest share of contribution to the problem.. cause if you don't my friend, you're more likely to find yourself in the same situation 10 years from now with a different woman, wondering what happen. That’s the last thing you need. I see you hold yourself highly, there's nothing wrong with that, and I believe you.. but I also believe that we can all get a little better in life.

 

Trust me, I'm not trying to knock you with a 2x4.. I'm with you, I feel your pain, cause I'm riding the same wave right now, and it's brutal.. especially when there are children involved. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. One thing I can tell you is, it is never a one way street, it is never just one person's fault. It's important to find your own flaws, your contribution to this matter and work on them, because even if things don't work out with her, at least you'll be a better man tomorrow, and won't bring any detrimental flaw to your next relationship.

 

As far as the pain you're feeling right now, it comes and goes, unfortunately there's no easy fix.. when it hits you, you do mental work, I mean " extinguishing her thoughts out of your mind, replacing it with others literally". Just like meditation, you control your thought, saying "I have authority over my mind, I let in what I want and I remove what I don't want". Easier say than done, true.. fundamentally challenging, yep.. but academically simple, you got it.. Practice makes perfect..

 

Remember “ This Too Shall Past ”.. there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to drag yourself to the end. I encourage you to be the bigger person, pray for her, no name calling, “after all she’s the mother of your child”, always try to do right by her, be good and kind to her, no other man can nor will ever give her that, deep down inside she knows, even if she won’t show it. That’s the way to go out my friend, “a good and humble man”, and she’ll miss that for the rest of her life. Her head is in the fog right now, she’ll come out of it one day.

 

I’ll keep you and your family in prayers,

So long brother, take care of yourself, it does get better…

[In Like Flynn]

Your kid asked if mommy had a new boyfriend!!! Age 9 is old enough to understand alot. Say she has alot of boyfriends thats why we aren't going to be a family anymore. And why you don't see her sometimes when you go over they and have to have the aunt watch you. She would rather be with them!! See if that wakes her up!!!

[urdone]

Wow,

Now thats a mssage and a half I will try my be to tackle each section.

 

I feel your pain brother, hits so close to home.. really feels like we're all eating from the same sandwich of cr**.

Now understand this: there's nothing to say she's not hurting to, or miss you, or is easy for her to move on. I beg to differ and actually believe she's not liking this either, and is hurting just as well. All that bad girl stuff she’s doing is nothing but her way of dealing with a much bigger enigma. Believe it or not women are very puzzling, don't act nor show emotions like us men. They aren't wired like us at all my friend. When necessary, they can be pretty tough, strong and resilient.

 

"I have thought long and hard about this and it has not been lost on me that her actions are an over compensation to fill the void....but lately I have been inclinded to disagree....what I believe I am seeing now is the real her....someone that had been on lockdown for so long then suddenly came to life...it's almost like she was hiding a secret life inside her, one in where she didn't have to play wife and mother and didn't have to deal with the day to day hassle of being married...like she said just before the split "it's just so much easier to be single".....it's abit like saying is she a good person that's done some bad things or is she a bad person who's tried to act good...a tough one!!!."

 

You go to church, so you must believe in God, there must be a reason the Great Architect chose them to bear the human race 9 months at a time. I may "ve lost a few folks here, but some will get it. Chances are she's sharing with her friends those same pain you share candidly with us. Nevertheless, an affair gives you this quick thrust high up in the air, to only come crashing down heavily on the ground ALWAYS. Have no doubt, regardless how wild & crazy she might act, at the end of the day, when she pulls up the cover and gets off her high, it’s one on one time with self, then the enigma takes over, and the problems hit home.

 

Yes I go to church and believe in God, so does the devil..and he learns his best tricks there. She also goes to church, 20 mitues per month...for what I don't know my Pastor has described her as a brazen harlot, a complete joke to the church and the type of one foot in one foot out flip flop that gives the church a bad name....I thought he was being a little to nice to her personally. "Yes she is sharing with friends...in particular her flatmate who is her cousin...the problem being and you will understand this "never cast your pearls before swine"...her flatmate has low standards...very flimsy morals and is basically really happy to see her single and paying her rent...she's the type of person that will give you the worst type of advice simply because if you do it too it dosen't make me feel so about it...even though I know it's totally wrong, a very, very poor example and a bad influence and bordering on being a compulsive lair, I have witnessed this many times....I really worry what hole she will follow this rat down....and funnily enough only 6 months ago the ex was complaining bitterly about her saying how she despised how low her standards were!!!, and now they are so thick as thieves it's as if they are the same person. I really don't know if she feels any real guilt or remorse when she is alone..my son says she is always happy and if she did feel anything it lasted no more the a few days....I think she was so ready to jump ship she gave up giving a sh*t along time ago yet still acted as if she still loved me...only a week before the split she was exicted about us trying for another baby. Another tough one."

 

Now think deep and answer these questions: Why did she stay with you for over 10 years? Were you making $300k in year 1 of your marriage? Were you meeting all her needs then (there are 10 big ones), or didn't matter for her back then, but now they do? What is the meaning of love to you? You said you love her over and over.

 

"Because over the years she said time and again she would never leave me because knew no one would ever put put up with her wild temper and constant tantrums...as the years passed she got more and more forceful and as soon as she started making more money then me...she thought to herself...hey I'm very attractive alot of guys hit on me, I can earn my own money and can support myself...I can trade up to the bigger better deal and latch onto a guy using my looks, but he will have to fit a certain image and he must earn alot of money. As she so openly pointed out the day she left "I WANT TO BE RICH AND YOUR NOT GOING TO GET ME THERE, YOUR MELLOW AND I'M A DRIVER, I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE". The meaning of love to me is very simply...it is all in your marriage vows...if we have nothing I love you, if I have a million bucks I love you, if I have a million bucks and lose it all I love you....I love you for you, for who you are, I do not love you less because you have faults I choose to over look them because you and I are not perfect, I am always ready to forgive as long as you are sincere. If you get sick I will care for you if you are in a wheelchair I will look after you everyday of our lives. Adultry I cannot let it slid...I may one day forgive you but we will no longer be together since the trust is lost, that does not mean I do not love you."

 

Here's my point, unless she's a serial cheater, or she's always high on drugs, something got to have gone south somewhere.. therefore you must find out what it is and when it started. This is important because, the easiest thing to do is to " blame blame blame", playing the same blame shifting game she's playing.. and I believe you that she did all these horrible things.. and that you’re a better person than she is..

 

"OK on this one...she would always have a problem....I would try and fix it...but this would never fix it, since as soon as the change had been made the goal posts would move and it would be another thing that needed to change in order for her to be happy...and so fourth and so on for ever and ever...I am and have always been happy to accept blame and the first one to stick my hand up and accept my role in it....but when onlt one side is doing this it's impossible, she on the other hand will accept blame for nothing becasue there is "nothing wrong with her" and she has no problems...and nothing is her fault!."

 

but the danger is, sometimes we can get so caught up in dissecting what our spouse do, that we fail to take the time to do the deep inner soul search and see our honest share of contribution to the problem.. cause if you don't my friend, you're more likely to find yourself in the same situation 10 years from now with a different woman, wondering what happen. That’s the last thing you need. I see you hold yourself highly, there's nothing wrong with that, and I believe you.. but I also believe that we can all get a little better in life.

 

"Mostly answered in above...to be honest I do not believe that I will find myself in the same position again.....I think I was just very unlucky in my choice of partner....I could be wrong....but living with someone who has a very aggressive personality and is always combative and angry is not what I will do again and will have to tools to walk away at the first sign that things will not last in that relationship...I'll find out pretty early on.....hey did you come from a highly abusive dysfunctional family, were molested by your Dad who was sent to prision for beating you to a pulp and you suffered years of emotional abuse from you wicked step mother....then just maybe you might have some issues....I'll give you the benefit of the doubt but I'll kepp my eye on you. . Of course there are no guarantees since even people that seem perfect for each other split....But I certainly won't spent 10 years being someones emotional punchbag again....Aye crumba!. I guess I do hold myself pretty high, but not in a conceited or arroagnt way...it's simple, right or wrong, treat people with dignity and respect and expect to be treated the same, I'm under no obligation to eat sh*t from anyone again."

 

Trust me, I'm not trying to knock you with a 2x4.. I'm with you, I feel your pain, cause I'm riding the same wave right now, and it's brutal.. especially when there are children involved. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. One thing I can tell you is, it is never a one way street, it is never just one person's fault. It's important to find your own flaws, your contribution to this matter and work on them, because even if things don't work out with her, at least you'll be a better man tomorrow, and won't bring any detrimental flaw to your next relationship.

 

"Pretty much answered above, yes I know it's never one persons fault and there are some things I am already working on a very hard.....The other thing is what one person may consider a flaw another may not so it's really hard to say for next time...I'm just gonna work on the parts I feel unhappy about and whoever will have to accept me the way I am."

 

As far as the pain you're feeling right now, it comes and goes, unfortunately there's no easy fix.. when it hits you, you do mental work, I mean " extinguishing her thoughts out of your mind, replacing it with others literally". Just like meditation, you control your thought, saying "I have authority over my mind, I let in what I want and I remove what I don't want". Easier say than done, true.. fundamentally challenging, yep.. but academically simple, you got it.. Practice makes perfect..Remember " This Too Shall Past ".. there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to drag yourself to the end. I encourage you to be the bigger person, pray for her, no name calling, "after all she’s the mother of your child", always try to do right by her, be good and kind to her, no other man can nor will ever give her that, deep down inside she knows, even if she won’t show it. That’s the way to go out my friend, "a good and humble man", and she’ll miss that for the rest of her life. Her head is in the fog right now, she’ll come out of it one day.

 

"I try very hard no to think about her but obviously I do, and I do my best not to bad mouth her when my sons around, she makes it very very hard not to sometimes....the other day "get this" it was her turn to drop my son off, but she tells my son to ring me and ask me to come pick him up from the other side of town because she wanted to take her friend shopping!!!!, can you believe that sh*t, I said no because I had to go out for the whole day, since he is supposed to come back to me at 8PM and she acts like she's doing me the favour offering him at 1PM, when she got home she got angry at the boy and asked why he was still there and did he ring his dad (which he did) she dosen't believe him and whacks him with a slipper!!!!!, today she rang because she lost her watch and flat out blamed the boy for stealing it, infact tried to convince him to confess to it...he kept saying he hadn't touched it and was completely confused and upset by her insisting he had.....yeah I have to hold my tongue real hard in those situations!!!!. I do pray for her but in detached sort of way.....I pray for her despite me.....at the end of the day everything that affects her does affect my son.

 

I’ll keep you and your family in prayers,

So long brother, take care of yourself, it does get better…

 

Thanks very much for the letter, it is much appreciated. And good luck on your path too.

 

Thanks,

Andrew.

[urdone]

Your kid asked if mommy had a new boyfriend!!! Age 9 is old enough to understand alot. Say she has alot of boyfriends thats why we aren't going to be a family anymore. And why you don't see her sometimes when you go over they and have to have the aunt watch you. She would rather be with them!! See if that wakes her up!!!

 

Oh, I'd really love to, but the fact is I'd like to keep my son somewhat innocent to these things....all I'd end up doing is screwing him up using him to get at his mother..and no she won't wake up at all!.

[imagine]

You have to tell the truth to your kids. Shape it that mom has made a mistake to do what she has done. It's her bad choice.

 

Kids are not stupid. Disguise the situation and you look like a liar.