Xion Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Hi im 18 years old and I go to College. My dad and my mom are way over bearing and over controlling. I don't know how to live on my own and I dont know where to go. My dad is also in law enforcement which means if I run away he could easily find me. My dad always tells me that I am immature over the dumbest things...like recently I took my dog out and didnt put her ona leash but i watched her and I walked away for 2 minutes to get shoes and he yelled at me because i didnt watch her or put her on the leash, and she is 8 years old. my mom is alot worse a lot of the times she tells me to go put on this jacket that she bought me instead of the one that I want to wear and she too screams at me saying that I am immature. Now I go to a university, i have a job, and I am a biology major. I told my dad that one day i plan to work for the CIA as a medical officer and he tells me that I will never make it because I dont listen...Then if we get in a fight he makes fun of me for pretty much thinking I could work for the government. And I feel like everytime I start to think I have everything together they bring me back down. My dad wont even let me go to a club with friends. And I constantly have to call my parents. I feel like I am dying inside because I feel like my parents are killing my strength and killing who I am. And part of the reason I have trouble listening is because they made me so afraid to make a mistake that I get confused on what to do. My parents make me feel like they have so much power over me and I cant stand it. so please help me cause I dont know what to do. I cant stand feeling like I am an incompetant nothing that will never make it. I want freedom and its hard because I lived such a cushy life that I dont know how to leave.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Hey Xion, It seems to me like you are doing just fine. Just do your own thing and don't give too much importance to what other people say. Parents sometimes are stressed out from their own life. Good luck with all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xion Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 thank you but i really want to get out and my parents are the types that will like hurt you physically if you go against their wishes and run away. and I really want to just after im done with my semester to just go somewhere like anywhere because I feel like they dont want me to become what I want to become which is a strong person who goes by their own rules and thats who I am.... I just need to know things like how do I get my student loans without them and how do I just leave I cant take them! Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Xion, whilst you live under their roof, things are not going to change, and unfortunately, you are not going to be able to talk them into different behaviour. Your father's attitude is typical of one whose creer involves chastising and controlling miscreants. he's over-bearing, because he has to man-up for the job, and as is so common (militry men do this too) he brings his work home with him, and takes it out on the weakest member. That would be you. Your mother, I would have hoped, might have at least understood you a little better. But it seems you have no ally there. have you tried talking to anyone at college? They have student counsellors, or at least, someone you can approach about problems at home, I'm sure. You need some concrete support and advice. Try to see what you can do on Monday. But you need to toughen up and realise something: I know it's very difficult to believe me right now, especilly as I am a complete unknown, but - this isn't accurate. My parents make me feel like they have so much power over me.... Your parents cant make you feel anything. Understandably, you are over-awed by them, intimidated by them, and as your parents, they do have some power over you., But how you feel is up to you. And in order to pursue your dream career - and there's no reason at all why you shouldn't - you'll have to gather strength and resolve, and prove them wrong. And you are 18. Technically, you're not under their control, legally, any more..... remember that. Legally, they're out of it, by and large. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Open a bank account. Find out where you get your loans from (Are you talking about student grants, or bank loans?) If it's grants, ask the admin office at college. contact the grants authorities and ask about having payments made directly to your account. If it's a loan, you'll have to have a means to pay it back. You might be able to negotiate the kind of loan that states - "nothing to pay back for x years"..... and then re-pay it from when you get a job.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 thank you but i really want to get out and my parents are the types that will like hurt you physically if you go against their wishes and run away. and I really want to just after im done with my semester to just go somewhere like anywhere because I feel like they dont want me to become what I want to become which is a strong person who goes by their own rules and thats who I am.... I just need to know things like how do I get my student loans without them and how do I just leave I cant take them! Well, If you are living with them you have to be reasonable also. Respect their wishes etc. Take it easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xion Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 I guess then I just need a change I want to be strong and I want to put them in their place when they need it but I feel the only to do that is if I go out and experience stuff but I cant do that because they wont let me travel and they wont let me go out on my own so do i go against their wishes? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I guess then I just need a change I want to be strong and I want to put them in their place when they need it but I feel the only to do that is if I go out and experience stuff but I cant do that because they wont let me travel and they wont let me go out on my own so do i go against their wishes? I don't know. Just make the decision whenever you are calm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xion Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 i am its just i feel i need to do something drastic in order to be who i am Link to post Share on other sites
Whillo Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I want freedom and its hard because I lived such a cushy life that I dont know how to leave.... There's your problem. You can't have it all unless you suck up the minor issues and let your parents take care of you like they are until you're ready to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
OneTwo Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 i am its just i feel i need to do something drastic in order to be who i am Which is what people do when they are trying to find out who they are and what they can do. This is something that adults typically see as immature. So you are in a vicious cycle. Geisha is correct in that your parents cannot make you feel anything. Your thoughts and perceptions dictate your feelings. So, you need to understand why you think the way you do. Learning how to deal with adversity is one sign of maturity. This will likely require counseling. However, you can strike a balance of obeying your parents' wishes while still exploring your maturity and learning how to become independent -- that's kinda' what the college years are for. I think finding someone to talk to will help tremendously. Link to post Share on other sites
darkside Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I totally understand your situation. I'm almost 25 and my parents still act that way to me when I'm at home, but the difference is that I have learned to become very independent at an early age since I knew I didn't want to be controlled by them for life. Are you staying at home for college? I made the decision to go to a college far away from home so that I did not have to deal with my overbearing parents' demands. I actively sought part time jobs during the school years to support myself, so that I did not have to take any money my parents wanted me to take and will use against me later on. I also took out student loans to help pay for my tuition. Did you apply for college and the financial aid yourself? You can get loans by filling out the FAFSA form depending on you and your parents' income. You can also get loans from banks if that doesn't work for you. Ask your school's financial aid counselor on how you can get loans and such. Honestly, the first thing you need to do is not be afraid of becoming independent and stop relying on your parents. You also have to understand that your parents will not change the way they behave since those are their beliefs. You are your own person and you have your own life to live. As long as you know what you're getting into and the consequences you should try to achieve those goals and take up the responsibilities of your actions. If you feel that you are still unsure of being independent at this time, then I don't think you should rebel against them or do anything drastic. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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