sunup Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Hi all, Im in a messy situation, separated soon to be divorced due to infidelity by both parties...he lives with her...probably was a serial cheater but I chose not to notice... runs in the family. So the relationship is over but we are still very close, enjoy each others company and seem to get along well without bitternes. We have been living apart since Fall but continue to be intimate, I avoid going to his work, places he frequents, and avoid his family. I do continue to call him over if I'm in the mood, I try to avoid having him call on me, I guess a power thing... So is it possible to continue being intimate in this type of situation? I have tried NC but it just hurst too much, so now Im trying to keep it on my terms on how much contact we have...What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 he lives with her Does she know that you two are still intimate? In all honesty, you two either need to get back together and do marriage counselling or completely end it and walk away. NEITHER of you are going to heal or move on if you stay in touch and have casual sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunup Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 She knows to some extent, when I first found out about her we would talk on the phone about stuff... the marriage being over, kids, visitation, etc. I kinda used it as a push to realize my marriage was over. Then we had a phase of texting each other rude, nasty things, Id txt her when we finished having sex, but of course she thinks Im nuts and doesnt believe anything I say. So now we dont speak/text at all, probably since Nov or so, I dont talk about her to him either. They were together for 1yr before I realized who she was. Of course I always had suspicions but was afraid to really know. We have kids so he is here almost on a daily basis to see them and she has to accept that since his kids mean the world to him. I know the best thing would be no contact, but when you have kids that's impossible. I have tried but it doesnt work, and it hurts. I really enjoy his company and conversation. I know he's having his cake and eating it too, but im concerned with me, If im ok with it, I am moving forward with the divorce, he is out of the house, I dont do wifely duties and can live my life as I wish without having to answer to him anymore. Im independent Im just not ready to move into the dating world yet and hey a woman has needs too... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 And one day you're going to have to get used to her being around your kids..If they are living together and he is serious enough about her, then that is something you need to deal with as well. Anyway, it's your choice, but you need to talk to him about either getting back together and doing marriage counselling, fix things for the sake of your kids, or divorce. Going back and forth isn't healthy for you..Sure, it's sex and feels good, but for how long? Sooner or later THAT will just mess you up, especially if he cuts you off or things get nasty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunup Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 Yeah I know she'd have to see my kids, thats why I would talk to her on the phone. So that I could understand her take on being a step mom. and so that I could let her know my point of view. That if she became the step mom I would work with her for the sake of my children. I didnt want things to be ugly. Anyways I dont think she's the one, looking back on things there relationship seems to be going nowhere fast. I think the secrecy of it all was what drove them. Now that everyone knows he seems to be distancing himself. and she's getting too caught up in the drama. I dont see them but sometimes I hear bits and pieces hear and there. Link to post Share on other sites
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