almostthere Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 Ok...Hopefully, I can get a few guys to help out on this one. My boyfriend is great. We've been together almost 3 months now (I know not very long) but things have been progressing great. I consider myself to be good at reading people. He wants to cuddle with me, kisses my forehead or shoulder while we watch a movie, looks at me until i turn and catch him. We play together like wrestle and try to trip each other and we can talk about anything everything. He's always polite with doors and takes me out places to meet his friends and family. These to me are all good signs that he maybe be starting to feel something for me. Anyone agree with me on this? Well, Sunday night we were having our first heart to heart. Really talking about us. And he mentioned that he really hasnt had any single time for 3 years. Then he goes on to say that when he is with me all he thinks about is me but when we arent together he thinks about other women too and wonders what they might be like (like what I dont know). And he said that he thinks about us seeing other people. He didnt say we should he just said he thinks about it. I was heartbroken. I really thought he was into me. We spend 5 days a week together and he calls me on my way home from work and before bed when we dont see each other. I take short trips with him like to KS and MI for the weekend for a his race. after he says all that I didnt know what to say. eventually I said i had to go after about 1/2 hour of not even being able to look at because Im so hurt. he pulls me to him and he wants to cuddle. He starts to fall asleep and I say i have to go so he walks me down stairs and instead of the quick peck goodbye...gives me a really really nice kiss...the best goodbye kiss ever and says ill see you tomorrow. So we get together last night to talk about our Sunday night conversation and we dont bring it up. We just start talking like normal. He took me out to dinner and to shoot pool. He opened every door and paid for everything except the few beers i bought for us. then we started tripping each other and being goofy as normal (we only had 2 beers each...lol). got home did alittle "exercise" and again he pulled me close and cuddled up to me and we both fell asleep. several timeshe woke in the middle of the night and cuddled back up to me. I woke up at 4am and hightailed it home. Now that we didnt talk though I dont know what to do or think. Should I wait until he brings it up again? Or what? And Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 and? .... yes? sounds like he's scared, plain and simple. He obviously enjoys being with you, but is afraid of The Idea of Being Committed, so He Counters That By Saying Y'all Ought to Date Others. But I think if you told him you agreed to that idea, he'd be very put out! Actions speak louder than words. If he's loving, if he's into being with you, yet talks about you guys not being committed, he's fighting his feelings the only way he knows how. Talk to him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 Almost, On a positive note, at least he was honest and straight up with you. Someone less thoughtful would just continue seeing other women behind your back anyway. If you over react, you'll just shut him down and he won't feel comfortable speaking candidly with you about these issues any more. Now, I can certainly understand how you might feel hurt and confused. You both enjoy each other's company, so there's no need to cut things off or rush too fast into any commitments. However, I think your friend needs to be a bit more decisive as to whether he wants to date casually, or if he's looking to establish an exclusive relationship with you. If you both decide you'd prefer to still date other people, than if I were you, I'd certainly expand my horizons and enjoy the time I got to spend with him, while at the same time taking the opportunity to meet other guys as well. You never know, you might meet someone you like even better. Also, perhaps I might sound a bit "old-fashioned" by today's standards, but I would also recommend that if the two of you agree to see other people, that you DO NOT allow your relationship to develop into a sexual one....yet. Save that for someone who cares enough about you to commit to an exclusive relationship. While you may not be able to save your heart, you can certainly survive with your dignity in tact and come out a winner every time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author almostthere Posted September 23, 2003 Author Share Posted September 23, 2003 Thanks for the advice. Our relationship is already sexual. Im 24 and hes 27 by the way incase anyone wanted to know. I think he is scared too. So do i ignore the issue until he brings it up again? or do i bring it up to show him whats important to him is important to me? Link to post Share on other sites
MercyRose Posted September 23, 2003 Share Posted September 23, 2003 When something bothers you in a relationship you must discuss it. Do not make your decisions based on guesses or assumptions. Sometimes small things out of the blue in an otherwise happy and fulfilling relationship are warning signs we must not avoid, overlook or not give a lot of weight too. These little things are usually signs of big things to come that will blow up in your face and lead to a break up with much heartache. Simply ask him if he meant what he said about seeing other people or if it was cold feet. Listen to his reply and no matter what his answer is tell him that you are not interested in a relationship with someone who wants to see other people. Explain how that does not meet your goals of your idea of the relationship. If it was cold feet fair enough, but if he truly means it it's in your best interest to let him go. The first 3 months are always wonderful. Its from 3-6 months that the true colours and personality really shows IF you are lucky. This is not a time to compromise your needs its a time of evaluation to see if he CAN meet your needs and if he can CONTINUE to meet your needs. Its a filtering out process, not a: 'but he was so wonderful to me I'll take any behaviour or treatment that I don't like because he has been wonderful for the past 3 months because thats the real him and thats how he will always treat me and if I am patient he will revert to that if only he stopped doing/behaving like...or he was more...or he didn't do/say that...so I will ignore any warning signs cos that is not the reality of the situation or thats not the real him' !!! Listen to your instinct. What feels wrong IS wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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