Women who don't cook deal breaker?

[Lizzie60]

when I see a question like that.. I'm not thinking about the 'every day' cooking.. I can do that, eventhough I don't like it.. but I was thinking about 'cooking'... like being able to do really fancy stuff, like a 5-7 course meal... not the every day, meat/potato thing or any beef/chicken/fish casserole.. I guess everyone (men and women can do that).

 

I have no desire to learn the fancy stuff.. I just hate cooking... I don't even want to learn it..

 

But if the question was about every day cooking.. then yes.. most people can cook... but not a lot can say that they enjoy it..

 

People who can do fancy stuff are the ones who loooove to cook.. no problem there.

[rod_in_gtown]

I'm also screwed.. as I don't cook...

 

I just spoke to a guy from a dating site... and I told him I hate to cook.. didn't seem to matter to him..

 

I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, don't cook.. but I scr*ew like no one else..

 

This is an attribute that makes me overlook any other dealbreakers

[Lizzie60]

Hahahaha...

 

I also forgot to say that I love to 'eat'

[rod_in_gtown]

I don't see a woman's lack of cooking as a dealbreaker. HOWEVER,

 

I am a foodie, I love good food and by extension I believe that there are only a handful of restaurants out there that provide exceptional food. I love ingredients and I love processes. For me it's not a chauvinistic's point of view that a woman who can cook can nurture me and provide for my children, it's a combination of things that tell me something about a woman:

 

1. Dedication: You have time and patience to see something through, usually good cooking takes time to choose the ingredients, prep, putting them together and preparing complimentary flavors that go hand in hand with your main course.

 

2. Thirst for knowledge: Cooking demonstrates that you have an interest in food and are thirsty enough for knowledge that you're willing to read up on it and find out how it's made.

 

3. Creativity: you know that a recipe is just someone's version of complimentary flavors and are not afraid of throwing something in there that might make the dish taste different and good.

 

4. Courage: You're not afraid of screwing up and have the will power to try again until you get it right, cooking is filled with failures, from overseasoning, to underseasoning, to burning to using bad ingredients. You'll try again until you find something that you like.

 

5. Nutrition: most restaurants out there use questionable ingredients to cut corners on spending and diminish their bottom line so that they can get bigger revenue, things like using lard instead of butter or, liquid smoke as opposed to smoking a food, those things are generally less healthy for you and can cause you to break out and gain weight.

 

6. Thriftiness: It's always cheaper to make your own food than eating out, while I have no problem spending a couple hundred on a nice meal, it's always nice to know that if tomorrow we all lose our jobs, we can eat a decent meal on a budget.

 

I mention that cooking is not a dealbreaker for me and if I see these attributes in a person on other areas of their life then I have absolutely no problem being with them, but it is important for me to have matching values. Plus it's a great thing to have in common, there are few things as enjoyable as cooking with your significant other and then reaping the benefits of your labor.

[rod_in_gtown]

Hahahaha...

 

I also forgot to say that I love to 'eat'

 

I'm sure watching you eat can be just as pleasurable

[rod_in_gtown]

Here are some recipes I posted to another thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1851651#post1851651

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1851684#post1851684

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1851714#post1851714

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1852388#post1852388

[BoooredGuy]

Back in college, I knew a woman who couldn't wait to graduate, because then she would finally make enough money to hire domestic help so she would no longer have to deal with household chores. She was very smart and driven, so I am sure she succeeded, but I could never be with a woman like her.

 

Bingo.

 

I know many girls like that as well. Great, so you had the discipline & smarts to open a book, sit down, and master the material. You gained a certain set of knowledge & a set of skills that will earn you a good living. While I agree that education is important, it isn't what attracts me to a woman and has me stay by her.

 

How could your parents never have taught you basic life skills? If, unfortuantely, you didn't have such parents, then why is there no desire to learn basic life skills?

 

Well before I went on to college, I knew how to deal with life. I am not a chef, or anywhere close to one, but I learned how to cook a wide variety of dishes at a young age, from appetizers & soups to snacks & dinners. I continued to learn new dishes as I've gotten older. I learned how to do laundry, how to iron my clothes, how to sew a button on if it ever comes off my pants, etc. If my tire goes flat on my car I know what to do. When my engine approaches X amount of miles/km, then I know how to change my own oil. Unless you deal with certain farmers, you cannot buy 'organic' food at the store - you grow your own in a garden. And grinding is not dancing - I've been to plenty of clubs, but I can do ballroom, latin, and waltz.

 

These are just some of the things which I learned well before I set foot on a campus. Of course, I didn't care about them as much back then as I was young & naive, but I still knew it. I continue to learn new, practical things all the time, outside of the career realm. I would never pay someone to take care of something for me which can be easily taken care of by myself. With that, I have no interest in a woman who does think that it's ok. It's her right to think that way, but it's also my right not to want to date someone like that.

[BoooredGuy]

I'm just curious, but if you do all those things why is it important to you to have your SO know how to do all those things as well? (I understand the cleaning up part though, nobody wants a nasty messy SO living with them).

 

Marriage is a business partnership. I do want a family, and will be in a situation where my wife does not have to work (she can if she wants to), and my kids will have their lives enriched from a very young age and their post-secondary tuition covered.

 

That being said, I'm not superman and I can't do everything - I need someone that I can work with. I want a woman, not another child to look after.

[Geishawhelk]

I need someone that I can work with. I want a woman, not another child to look after.

 

THis is the first time I have ever heard a guy said this.

 

However, if I had a nickel for every time I have heard a Woman say this about her man, I would make Nelson D. Rockerfeller look like an old Hobo.....

 

And I'm not being facetious, either. Truly.

[boxing123]

Boored excellent posts..

 

It is a huge deal breaker..For many reasons that others have already mentioned.

 

How do people go through life never learning new things? I learn new things every day. Especially something you will do 3 times a day for the rest of your life.

 

Geisha, you are looking at this from the incorrect angle.. Yes, often times many women complain about taking care of a man. But usually that man is paying most of the bills. If you have to take care of him, and he is not paying bills, then find a new man.

 

In this day and age it just seems acceptable for women to do little , if anything giving in a relationship. She works? Who cares. Most of the time that is "her" money. Women aren't exactly working and putting their paychecks into a 50/50 bin to be split equally,

 

And it is like taking carer of a child if a woman cannot feed herself. I have been in the position before where I come home from work, and girlfriend is hungry. Have to then either take her out to eat, or cook for her, which of course I am paying for..

[Trialbyfire]

Candygirl, cooking is easy and can be a lot of fun. It's one of my favourite hobbies!

 

If you make simple dishes to begin with so you get used to how spices/herbs and flavours interact, you can make it a game of guessing what's in a dish, when you go out for dinner. This way, if you really like something, you can try to make it at home, without needing a recipe.

 

Cooking is really that easy! Take a small cookbook and literally work your way through it, one recipe at a time. That's the tactic a friend of mine used and now, she's something else as a cook.

 

Having said all that, if it was a criteria for marriage with a man, I would pretend I couldn't cook, then blow his mind with an incredible dinner, then dump his arrogant arse. I love to cook for people I care about, not for someone who demands it of me. I'm no one's replacement mommy!

[Stockalone]

Bingo.

 

I know many girls like that as well. Great, so you had the discipline & smarts to open a book, sit down, and master the material. You gained a certain set of knowledge & a set of skills that will earn you a good living. While I agree that education is important, it isn't what attracts me to a woman and has me stay by her.

 

 

It's just a different lifestyle.

 

Education, a good job and money allow her to have the lifestyle she wants.

 

It just wouldn't be for me, I don't want that. And I don't think that women rely on their job to attract a man.

 

You can have the same education, the same job, the same income but that is no guarantee that you will also have a compatible approach to how you want to live your life.

[clv0116]

.... I do want a family, and will be in a situation where my wife does not have to work ....

 

That being said, I'm not superman and I can't do everything - I need someone that I can work with. I want a woman, not another child to look after.

 

This strikes to the core of the thing. If we get married, it's to have a family. If we have a family, someone has to care for the kids and house. If she can't maintain a six figure career non-stop through 2 or more pregnancies then I guess we know who will be doing that, so that leaves her ... in a traditional role as homemaker.

 

If she's not able and willing to do that well and cheerfully what precisely is she good for? And please, don't say sex OK? Sex falls from the vine too easy to be a factor nowadays and it's all good.

[Trialbyfire]

It's just a different lifestyle.

 

Education, a good job and money allow her to have the lifestyle she wants.

 

It just wouldn't be for me, I don't want that. And I don't think that women rely on their job to attract a man.

 

You can have the same education, the same job, the same income but that is no guarantee that you will also have a compatible approach to how you want to live your life.

Stock, I'm uncertain why you believe it's that black and white. It's not. Career women can and do cook. It's a prerequisite for a healthy lifestyle in that you can easily monitor your intake, by knowing it's fresh, quality ingredients that you put into your food. Most processed foods have high sodium, fat and additives that will kill you slowly.

[Stockalone]

Having said all that, if it was a criteria for marriage with a man, I would pretend I couldn't cook, then blow his mind with an incredible dinner, then dump his arrogant arse. I love to cook for people I care about, not for someone who demands it of me. I'm no one's replacement mommy!

 

Since when do you jump down somebody's throat like this because they have requirements that you don't happen to agree with?

[boxing123]

For me, it is also a sign of efficiency. A good way to also separate princesses from good women.

 

I wake up at 6, cook, eat, and clean up.. I am done by 6:20. I cook everyday no matter how busy, and it does not take a long time. It would take me longer, (much longer) to drive to a restaurant, wait, eat, drive back home. So the "I don't have time excuse" is silly. Then plan your days and shopping habits better so you do have time. Improve your life.

 

If a woman does not have time to feed herself properly, how would she have time to have a husband and family? Raise children at the same time? Multi-task?

 

Once again, some women are great to date, but would make horrible wives. It is important to separate the 2.

[Trialbyfire]

Since when do you jump down somebody's throat like this because they have requirements that you don't happen to agree with?

I'm not jumping down anyone's throat, just the throat of any man who I'm dating. As it stands, I wouldn't be dating anyone who had this kind of requirement, for all the wrong reasons.

 

For me, relationships are about partnerships and valuing the other person, as a PERSON and not by their mad stereotypical skillz.

 

Cooking to me is a life skill that's important to everyone. If a person can't cook, they should learn BUT learn for themselves. If a man NEEDS a woman to cook for him, this isn't a gesture of love. It's a NEED for submissive behaviour, so his ego gets pumped up and his lifestyle is improved through her ability to kowtow to his wants. "My lil' woman shore can cook up a storm!".

 

I would detest this kind of attitude from anyone I dated and truly, would dump his arse.

 

Candygirl, watch out for a guy who wouldn't marry you for this simple, petty skill. Cooking is very, very easy! Live it and learn it for yourself, not to appeal to someone else.

[Stockalone]

Stock, I'm uncertain why you believe it's that black and white. It's not. Career women can and do cook. It's a prerequisite for a healthy lifestyle in that you can easily monitor your intake, by knowing it's fresh, quality ingredients that you put into your food. Most processed foods have high sodium, fat and additives that will kill you slowly.

 

I don't doubt that there are career women who can cook. I was referring to one woman in particular that I knew back in college, not all women.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't doubt that there are career women can cook. I was referring to one woman in particular that I knew back in college, not all women.

As long as it's not ALL women and only one woman, that's good.

 

Gourmet cooking, keeping a perfect house, being able to handle a dinner party or a cocktail affair for 50 people are all skills that my parents ensured I had. Hell, my mom even ensured I could embroider and sew my own clothing, which is about as useful as...anyways...

 

Having said all that, it would disturb me greatly if a man couldn't see past his personal comforts, to the person I am inside, in order to want marriage. I've been proposed to enough times to know that there are more than enough men who don't see a woman as just a personal comfort object. That's the attitude that truly disturbs me.

[boxing123]

I'm not jumping down anyone's throat, just the throat of any man who I'm dating. As it stands, I wouldn't be dating anyone who had this kind of requirement, for all the wrong reasons.

 

For me, relationships are about partnerships and valuing the other person, as a PERSON and not by their mad stereotypical skillz.

 

Cooking to me is a life skill that's important to everyone. If a person can't cook, they should learn BUT learn for themselves. If a man NEEDS a woman to cook for him, this isn't a gesture of love. It's a NEED for submissive behaviour, so his ego gets pumped up and his lifestyle is improved through her ability to kowtow to his wants. "My lil' woman shore can cook up a storm!".

 

I would detest this kind of attitude from anyone I dated and truly, would dump his arse.

 

Candygirl, watch out for a guy who wouldn't marry you for this simple, petty skill. Cooking is very, very easy! Live it and learn it for yourself, not to appeal to someone else.

 

So as with most threads, you agree with the sentiment and meat of the issue in the end, but are trying to push your feminist agenda..

 

I wonder how many men should dump women for googling them to see how much money they make, or slyly pretend like they have none, to later dump the woman when she starts saying "He MUST make at least as much money or more than me !"

 

I guess it is ok for the females to have tons of requirements, but males should just love and accept any woman for whom she is...

 

Stop watching your lifetime movies and realize not everything men want is meant to be part of your feminist agenda to emasculate men.

[zicke]

For me, it is also a sign of efficiency. A good way to also separate princesses from good women.

 

I wake up at 6, cook, eat, and clean up.. I am done by 6:20. I cook everyday no matter how busy, and it does not take a long time. It would take me longer, (much longer) to drive to a restaurant, wait, eat, drive back home. So the "I don't have time excuse" is silly. Then plan your days and shopping habits better so you do have time. Improve your life.

 

If a woman does not have time to feed herself properly, how would she have time to have a husband and family? Raise children at the same time? Multi-task?

 

Once again, some women are great to date, but would make horrible wives. It is important to separate the 2.

 

 

You are way to obsessed with marriage. More so than any 30 year old woman that I have ever run into.

[CandyGirlXO]

How could her mother not have taught her how to cook?

 

My mom NEVER taught me how to cook. She barely cooked when I was young.

 

So I would be able to teach my gf the basics. Besides, cooking together can be so much fun, I would miss that if my gf had no interest in cooking.

 

I wouldn't mind my BF teaching me, that would be fine by me.

 

As far as marriage is concerned, a woman should know enough about cooking to be able to feed the children. I don't have a problem with someone who doesn't like to cook. That I can respect. I hate doing laundry, but I do know how to do it. If I had doubts about her ability to take care of the kids, then I would not marry her.

 

Right, not sure if I want children, but I agree I would have to learn before having kids.

[CandyGirlXO]

Why would you want to be married then?

 

 

Are you serious? Just because I don't want children does not mean that I do not want to share my life with someone that I love. No one wants to be lonely.

 

Having kids is not the only reason to get married.

[boxing123]

Having said all that, it would disturb me greatly if a man couldn't see past his personal comforts, to the person I am inside, in order to want marriage. I've been proposed to enough times to know that there are more than enough men who don't see a woman as just a personal comfort object. That's the attitude that truly disturbs me.

 

 

Having said that, I would also be deeply disturbed if a woman could not see past her materialistic desires, to the person I am inside, in order to want marriage.

 

Having said that, more than enough women have wanted to marry me to offer her financial comfort. That attitude disturbs me.

[clv0116]

Since when do you jump down somebody's throat like this because they have requirements that you don't happen to agree with?

 

This place seems to be pretty intolerant of those who don't toe the party line.

 

 

 

Are you serious? Just because I don't want children does not mean that I do not want to share my life with someone that I love. No one wants to be lonely.

 

Dead serious. Marriage is not the cure for emotional issues like loneliness, a person should have their core issues sorted out before thinking about partnering up with someone else.