Women who don't cook deal breaker?

[boxing123]

Are you serious? Just because I don't want children does not mean that I do not want to share my life with someone that I love. No one wants to be lonely.

 

Having kids is not the only reason to get married.

 

Candy, yes.. Women are more of the "comfort seekers" between the 2 sexes. Men are not. Give up all freedom, financial security, and sleep with one woman forever, and never have a family? Makes little sense.

[clv0116]

Having said that, I would also be deeply disturbed if a woman could not see past her materialistic desires, to the person I am inside, in order to want marriage.

 

Dude you need to just accept this and move on - it's the way they are made. It's for the good of the species really so it's not a bad thing, OK?

[CandyGirlXO]

Candy, yes.. Women are more of the "comfort seekers" between the 2 sexes. Men are not. Give up all freedom, financial security, and sleep with one woman forever, and never have a family? Makes little sense.

 

WOW! So probably should be its own thread, but men only get married to have children? No other reason?

 

I am screwed, I might as well just break up with my BF, and say sorry I can't be with you, because I can not cook, and I am not sure if I want children.

[boxing123]

Dude you need to just accept this and move on - it's the way they are made. It's for the good of the species really so it's not a bad thing, OK?

 

It's sarcasm... The same posters on many threads make demands on a man's income (yes rightfully so), but then do not want ANY demand placed on them. The only old fashioned traditional roles that should be kept in place are ones that benefit themselves.

 

A demand placed on them makes you a old fashioned power hungry caveman, yet they want to keep in place the old fashioned role of the man being the bread winner. Hypocrisy.

[norajane]

If she's not able and willing to do that well and cheerfully what precisely is she good for?

 

Good for? That says a lot about how you view relationships.

 

Hell, my mom even ensured I could embroider and sew my own clothing, which is about as useful as...anyways...

 

 

I'll see your embroidery, and raise you crocheting and knitting! If you need an afghan, tablecloth, doilies or scarf, PM me. Oh, and you haven't seen the height of style until you've seen a crocheted car seat cover!

[clv0116]

WOW! So probably should be its own thread, but men only get married to have children? No other reason?

 

Social pressure, emotional issues or perhaps for some it's the only way to get regular sex. None of these will typically be true of a successful, desirable, well adjusted man but there are not enough of those to go around for every woman.

 

We all get the best we can attract though.

[boxing123]

WOW! So probably should be its own thread, but men only get married to have children? No other reason?

 

I am screwed, I might as well just break up with my BF, and say sorry I can't be with you, because I can not cook, and I am not sure if I want children.

 

Candy, if 2 people do not want kids, then why not keep finances separate and just live together?

[CandyGirlXO]

 

If she's not able and willing to do that well and cheerfully what precisely is she good for? And please, don't say sex OK? Sex falls from the vine too easy to be a factor nowadays and it's all good.

 

I am more than willing to pay when we go out to eat. I don't mind that at all. I am not one of those woman that think men should have to pay all the time.

 

I am also very caring and I would be a faithful wife. I also clean and do laundry. I don't mind doing that at all. I am not disagreeing with you. Cooking is important to learn, but I am 26 and I still have never cooked.

 

So you think all a women is good for is being pregnant in the kitchen? If you don't mind me asking, where do you live?

[Trialbyfire]

 

I'll see your embroidery, and raise you crocheting and knitting! If you need an afghan, tablecloth, doilies or scarf, PM me. Oh, and you haven't seen the height of style until you've seen a crocheted car seat cover!

Hey, I can crochet too but my knitting sucks big time! You should see the...errr...scarf...I knitted as a teenager. My mother almost cried, then gave up! It was worth deliberately and not deliberately screwing it up.

 

It sounds like you're getting the picture Candygirl, of the kind of men to avoid. Look for someone who values you as a person, not a personal comfort object. Learn to cook for yourself but don't say you can do it, until you figure out the man's attitude.

[boxing123]

Candy.. Come on. Would you marry a guy with no job? If you say no, then to follow your logic, I would say "So a man is only good for his wallet?

[clv0116]

Good for? That says a lot about how you view relationships.

 

Yes it sure does - I view it as a partnership where each person has roles and responsibilities. I'm absolutely fantastic at fulfilling mine and I expect nothing less from a potential partner. Resentment is one natural, typical but nonconstructive response from persons who cannot or will not measure up to that standard.

 

It's more useful to try and set aside such irrational (albeit sometimes humorous) outbursts and consider the facts logically and reasonably.

[BoooredGuy]

Wow, well this thread really took off...

 

My posts were specific to me, and me alone. I wasn't speaking for all guys out their. That being said, there are some girls that do want to date me and others that don't. I've accepted the fact, <gulp>, that I am not God's gift to women.

 

Some guys will not find cooking to be a dealbreaker, whereas some guys would, like me.

 

Stock mentioned compatibility, and that's what it's about. I know plenty of women who know how to cook and love to. I know women who can't and/or refuse to. I know women that want to be traditional homemakers, and I know women that want high flying careers and do not want to be at home. There are people who are homebodies, and there are people who can't stay at home. People who love to travel and people who hate to travel. This world has everything out their, so whatever you want, you can and will find it. Just make sure you find someone with the same values as you; interests don't matter so much.

 

Sorry if my posts added some fuel to the fire on here...

[CandyGirlXO]

Candy, if 2 people do not want kids, then why not keep finances separate and just live together?

 

 

This thread is actually making me depressed. I feel so worthless.

 

I had no idea that men only wanted to get married to have children. I am just not sure if I want that. With the divorce rate at 50% I fear having kids and then being left on my ass.

 

I grew up poor, and kids are very expensive. I wouldn't want to put my kids through that. If I found the right person who really wanted kids, I probably would, but I would be fine without kids as well. The what ifs are what scares me.

 

I am really going to put some effort in learning how to cook. I just didn't think it was that big of a deal. Like I said I am fine with cleaning if he cooked, and I am also fine with paying when we go out to eat. I thought that was good enough.

[CandyGirlXO]

It sounds like you're getting the picture Candygirl, of the kind of men to avoid. Look for someone who values you as a person, not a personal comfort object. Learn to cook for yourself but don't say you can do it, until you figure out the man's attitude.

 

LOL I hope you are right. Should I ask my BF if it bothers him that I don't cook. Or should I just attempt to learn?

 

One of my supervisors is a newlywed, and she told me she doesn't cook. One of my co-workers said to me, "If you don't cook for your man then what do you do for him?"

 

I just thought that was such a rude comment. She makes good money, she is beautiful, and caring. Most men would probably kill to be with her, even though she does not cook.

 

And no I am not proud of the fact that I don't cook.

[CandyGirlXO]

Candy.. Come on. Would you marry a guy with no job? If you say no, then to follow your logic, I would say "So a man is only good for his wallet?

 

 

No never, my dad has never worked so I would never be with a guy like that. But I don't think a man is only good for his wallet.

 

My EX was a millionaire and I left him, and I am broke. I want a guy to have a job, but he doesn't need to make a lot of it. Just not be a complete loser.

 

I don't think that me not cooking makes me a loser. I have a full-time job, so should he. I wouldn't mind me doing all the cleaning and laundry, and he do all the cooking. What is so wrong with that?

[Trialbyfire]

LOL I hope you are right. Should I ask my BF if it bothers him that I don't cook. Or should I just attempt to learn?

 

One of my supervisors is a newlywed, and she told me she doesn't cook. One of my co-workers said to me, "If you don't cook for your man then what do you do for him?"

 

I just thought that was such a rude comment. She makes good money, she is beautiful, and caring. Most men would probably kill to be with her, even though she does not cook.

 

And no I am not proud of the fact that I don't cook.

No matter what, I think you should learn to cook...for your own well-being since processed or fast food can kill you slowly.

 

After you've learned to cook, without saying anything to you b/f, just ask him casually what he thinks of women who don't cook. His response will tell you what his expectations are of women. If he's one of "those" personal comfort guys, this won't be his only attitude problem. Consider it a red flag and watch for the other signs of personal comfort-hood.

[clv0116]

It's sarcasm... The same posters on many threads make demands on a man's income (yes rightfully so), but then do not want ANY demand placed on them. The only old fashioned traditional roles that should be kept in place are ones that benefit themselves.

 

....

 

Hypocrisy.

 

Ah OK. Well I guess I've just learned to work around that also. I find it sort of cute now how they can almost Universally install those 2 standard blinders.

[carhill]

I had no idea that men only wanted to get married to have children.

 

Not all men. That said, children were the main reason I pursued marriage, being it was the most acceptable social and legal state in which to best provide the environment for them I wished to. As I was socialized in such an environment (a two-parent married state), it was the natural progression, for me.

 

If/when you make changes in your behaviors, desires and pursuits, IMO, do that for you, not for some speculative norm you wish to perform to. FWIW, going forward, one of my confirmed deal-breakers will be a woman who doesn't help me clean up after I've cooked for her. It goes to "appreciation", as I mentioned in a prior post. As long as you appreciate your man through your words and actions, you'll enjoy a wide path of reciprocation and inspiration.

[Stockalone]

I'm not jumping down anyone's throat, just the throat of any man who I'm dating. As it stands, I wouldn't be dating anyone who had this kind of requirement, for all the wrong reasons.

 

For me, relationships are about partnerships and valuing the other person, as a PERSON and not by their mad stereotypical skillz.

 

Why would it be automatically for the wrong reasons. Just because I expect (yes I said expect) a woman to be able to cook, that doesn't mean I want her shackled to either the stove or the bed. I don't expect her to cook for me. But I would eventually expect her to cook for our children. I can cook, so it's not like I am asking for something I can't bring to the table.

 

 

Cooking to me is a life skill that's important to everyone. If a person can't cook, they should learn BUT learn for themselves. If a man NEEDS a woman to cook for him, this isn't a gesture of love. It's a NEED for submissive behaviour, so his ego gets pumped up and his lifestyle is improved through her ability to kowtow to his wants. "My lil' woman shore can cook up a storm!".

 

I agree with you that cooking is a life skill and it's really not hard to achieve a decent skill level. But this just makes this whole discussion even more disturbing to me.

 

If the man wants the woman to cook for him, so he can feel like "the man", then I agree with you. That is just stupid.

 

However, that can also be said about certain women. Some women refuse to learn how to cook, or cook for a man just because they are afraid it would make them the "lil' woman" (as you put it) who, through the act of cooking has now lost all her independence. A woman who cooks is not waving the white flag, she is not surrendering her equal footing in a relationship.

 

I understand that cooking it is a delicate topic as it has been associated with gender stereotypes for so long. But there doesn't always have to be a hidden agenda. It doesn't always have to be a power struggle.

 

Both of those viewpoints are extremes, or so I hope.

 

 

 

As long as it's not ALL women and only one woman, that's good.

 

God no. Certainly not all, but it's more than one. But the vast majority of women isn't anywhere near this extreme in their views.

 

 

Gourmet cooking, keeping a perfect house, being able to handle a dinner party or a cocktail affair for 50 people are all skills that my parents ensured I had. Hell, my mom even ensured I could embroider and sew my own clothing, which is about as useful as...anyways...

 

. I had to learn how to knit. Never made use of that skill ever since, I don't even think I would still know how to do it. Thank God my mother doesn't know this, she would probably insist on refreshing my memory.

 

 

 

Having said all that, it would disturb me greatly if a man couldn't see past his personal comforts, to the person I am inside, in order to want marriage. I've been proposed to enough times to know that there are more than enough men who don't see a woman as just a personal comfort object. That's the attitude that truly disturbs me.

 

Well, if someone outright refuses to learn how to cook, that is a part of who that person is inside too.

 

Depending on their attitude about why, a whole bunch of issues can be attached to something as petty as the ability to cook. But that goes for either side. The side who refuses to learn how to cook and the side who demands that the other party learns how to do it.

[clv0116]

This thread is actually making me depressed. I feel so worthless.

 

I had no idea that men only wanted to get married to have children. I am just not sure if I want that. With the divorce rate at 50% I fear having kids and then being left on my ass.

 

I grew up poor, and kids are very expensive. I wouldn't want to put my kids through that. If I found the right person who really wanted kids, I probably would, but I would be fine without kids as well. The what ifs are what scares me.

 

I am really going to put some effort in learning how to cook. I just didn't think it was that big of a deal. Like I said I am fine with cleaning if he cooked, and I am also fine with paying when we go out to eat. I thought that was good enough.

 

 

Oh sweet lord. I'm sure you're a wonderful person and a great woman. First, the cooking thing was meant as shorthand for something bigger and now it's just taken on a life of it's own. Second the fact you are fretting about it says good things about you as a partner.

 

Few guys expect gourmet cooking, but no one wants to come home after a very hard day of earning for his family to find said family ill-fed and living in a poorly kept environment. A woman without any domestic skills makes that a likely scenario.

[boxing123]

Candy, nothing is wrong with that. If he marries you with that agreement.

 

I personally would not, nor would most men I know. I do not need more money or a second income.

 

And do not listen to advice given to you to play silly games. If a man says he loves a woman who can cook, that is perfectly normal. Not a sign that he is some power hungry maniac. That stereotype is far more often seen in movies than real life anyway. If a woman is constantly focusing on furthering some feminist agenda with a double standard on top of it, she will make many men miserable and wind up alone..

[Trialbyfire]

Stock, it's all about attitude and in this we most definitely agree! Women are people and not objects of personal comfort. Men are people and aren't objects of personal comfort, such as the bottomless wallet and financial provider.

 

I strongly disagree with traditionalist roles. Where I stand is that men and women are fully capable adults. As adults, we are responsible for our own personal comforts. This doesn't mean that we can't or shouldn't pamper our partners. I just see no need to be a surrogate mother or want a surrogate father. That's the part of the word "nurturing" that drives me bananas. It's very assumptive in that it assumes men are incapable as adults, that they need a replacement mommy figure. Not something that's appealing and for certain, not something that's going to kick-start a sexual drive within a woman.

 

I do want a man who's possessive. One who wants me for me, who values me as a person, as I value him as a person. Things like cooking, are lifestyle choices, in that cooking helps to maintain a healthy lifestyle. To assume that they define a person's femininity, is retarded. It's like defining a man by his mad skillz in plumbing. Totally retarded.

[norajane]

Yes it sure does - I view it as a partnership where each person has roles and responsibilities. I'm absolutely fantastic at fulfilling mine and I expect nothing less from a potential partner. Resentment is one natural, typical but nonconstructive response from persons who cannot or will not measure up to that standard.

 

Your role as YOU have defined it. A lot of women prefer to define their roles for themselves as well, rather than having them proscribed to them.

[norajane]

Hey, I can crochet too but my knitting sucks big time! You should see the...errr...scarf...I knitted as a teenager. My mother almost cried, then gave up! It was worth deliberately and not deliberately screwing it up.

 

Maybe you can use that scarf as insulation to wrap around pipes in the basement so they don't freeze in winter.

[Trialbyfire]

Maybe you can use that scarf as insulation to wrap around pipes in the basement so they don't freeze in winter.

 

Last year I learned three new skills, of which two were with consultation from LS male members. How to fix my toilet when the water won't stop running, how to unplug it when you jam it up with cat litter and how to put back up a fallen down shower rod, that weighs about 10 lbs. I feel enabled!

 

Hopefully, people will enable themselves with as many life skills as possible, including cooking, so you're not always in reliance of the opposite gender to fix your personal lack.