boxing123 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I strongly disagree with traditionalist roles. Well, the only problem is that women are still the ones giving birth. That is a role that will never be changed. And say what you like, but many women change COMPLETELY after giving birth. I noticed this with my sister. No longer did climbing a corporate ladder interest her. She wanted to be, and chose to be a stay at home mom. At that point, if you like it or not, men and women do assume more traditional roles, BY CHOICE, in many, many cases. So logically, if you are marrying a woman, and you know you might have children, you want a more nurturing woman, that would be a good mother. Her career, income, etc means absolutely ZERO if she chooses to remain at home.
Stockalone Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 My mom NEVER taught me how to cook. She barely cooked when I was young. You are off the hook then. Let's blame your mom. I wouldn't mind my BF teaching me, that would be fine by me. Problem (if it even is one) solved. If your bf can't cook either, take a class together. You can spend time together and learn something useful in the process. Right, not sure if I want children, but I agree I would have to learn before having kids. WOW! So probably should be its own thread, but men only get married to have children? No other reason? I am screwed, I might as well just break up with my BF, and say sorry I can't be with you, because I can not cook, and I am not sure if I want children. No, you are not screwed. But, talking about having children or not is probably something that will come up prior to getting married. If you talk about your future, children or no children will have an impact on how that future looks. On the off chance that I get married, I would want children. But that is something each couple has to decide for themselves. This place seems to be pretty intolerant of those who don't toe the party line. Actually it isn't. People agreeing on one topic can find themselves on opposing sides the next time around. Sometimes, you will be part of the majority, other times you won't. Just like in real life.
norajane Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Last year I learned three new skills, of which two were with consultation from LS male members. How to fix my toilet when the water won't stop running, how to unplug it when you jam it up with cat litter and how to put back up a fallen down shower rod, that weighs about 10 lbs. I feel enabled! Hopefully, people will enable themselves with as many life skills as possible, including cooking, so you're not always in reliance of the opposite gender to fix your personal lack. This past month, I learned how to fix a leaking whole-house humidifier, how to minimize window condensation, and how to disconnect the lever under the sink that holds the stopper in so I could pull it out to unclog the sink. Oh, and I took apart the inside of my freezer so I could figure out if my fridge wasn't cold because the evaporator coils might have been frozen over due to the defroster not working... And if you have a ghostly howl coming out of your toilet as it's filling, make sure the water valve is fully open...that'll fix it. Life skills are good to learn, but I wouldn't include knitting among them!
Trialbyfire Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 YAHHHHH nj! All this, the ability to cook, have a kick-arse career, be self-sufficient AND good-looking! Girlfriend, I would so marry you!
norajane Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 YAHHHHH nj! All this, the ability to cook, have a kick-arse career, be self-sufficient AND good-looking! Girlfriend, I would so marry you! If we could only work out the whole sex thing, we'd be a match made in heaven!
Trialbyfire Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 If we could only work out the whole sex thing, we'd be a match made in heaven! Yes, it's a shame but as we both know, one of those deal-breakers! I'll just admire you from afar, in a purely platonic fashion! I made dinner for my snowman last night. He didn't know I could cook and didn't much care if I could. He had seconds and would have had thirds, if there was any left! It absolutely rocked to see his face, when he had that first bite. It feels wonderful to pamper someone you care about, especially when they don't demand or expect it of you. A labour of caring v. assumptive traditionalist attitudes.
norajane Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Yes, it's a shame but as we both know, one of those deal-breakers! I'll just admire you from afar, in a purely platonic fashion! I made dinner for my snowman last night. He didn't know I could cook and didn't much care if I could. He had seconds and would have had thirds, if there was any left! It absolutely rocked to see his face, when he had that first bite. It feels wonderful to pamper someone you care about, especially when they don't demand or expect it of you. A labour of caring v. assumptive traditionalist attitudes. Beautiful! How does he feel about knitting?
FleshNBones Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 This thread is actually making me depressed. I feel so worthless. I had no idea that men only wanted to get married to have children. I am just not sure if I want that. With the divorce rate at 50% I fear having kids and then being left on my ass.I believe at least 80% of divorces are initiated by women, and usually over the issue of money. Either he lost his job, or he just isn't earning enough.
Trialbyfire Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Beautiful! How does he feel about knitting? I noticed his socks were store-bought and have yet to see him wear a knitted cap or booties, so I think I'm safe! Btw, he also cooks but in a bach kind of way, albeit healthy. No processed or fast food. A scratch or decent restaurant kind of guy. I'm liking this man, more and more. Candygirl, here's another way to think about it. If you learn how to cook, it will be a way to keep away dangerous levels of cholesterol. I don't know if you're aware but if someone intakes a lot of unhealthy fat, they may still "look" thin but their organs are surrounded by fat that can kill. Olive oil is a form of superfood.
norajane Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I believe at least 80% of divorces are initiated by women, and usually over the issue of money. Either he lost his job, or he just isn't earning enough. Or he's cheating.
FleshNBones Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Try Crepes. The French Canadians should be very familiar with it. 4 cup milk (960g) 3 eggs 1 tbsp salt (21g) 1/3 (68g) to 1/2 (102g) cup oil 3 cup flour (360g) combine ingredients and mix thoroughly starting with the liquids and salt. I usually mix-in flour after the other ingredients are mixed. I fry these thin pancakes by pouring the batter using a soup ladle (usually less than a 1 full ladle) into a preheated and preoiled skillet (just cool enough so it doesn't steam). You want to brown it a little on both sides. I usually flip it with a spatula when the top surface dries. Put a little oil (1 tsp to 1 tbsp) in before adding batter each time to prevent sticking. I found that there is usually less sticking when the batter is poured in slowly, and then the pan tilted and rolled to even it out. Do not let the pan overheat (steaming). If it overheats, lift off the pan, and reduce heat. Make enough to eat or whatever, and cover and refrigerate the batter. The batter should be good for a few days. This is an easy recipe. You can vary the type of milk (I use 2%), or substitue some of it with water (maybe half and half). The type and volume of oil will affect the flavor (I use full-bodied olive oil for frying). You can vary the type of flour (ordinary flour should give it a sweeter flavor, and whole wheat should taste nuttier and be more tolerant to burning). Letting the batter sit will give you a different flavor (some bacterial action). You will definitely get some experience working with a skillet. The crepes can be used as a base in some fancier recipes. You can roll meat, fruit, cheese, or something into it. I usually spread some jam and roll it up. I don't know anybody that didn't like it. I take that back. I think the only exception is my brother who is addicted to saturated fat (McDonalds). His waistline should prove it. I often use an electronic scale to avoid using measuring spoons and cups. It saves time and cuts down on the dishes. PS, a pissed-off resteraunt cook can add a few extra ingredients. There is also a lot more between you and your food so you are more likely to get sick if not from sabatoge, then from germs in general.
BoooredGuy Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 And say what you like, but many women change COMPLETELY after giving birth. I noticed this with my sister. No longer did climbing a corporate ladder interest her. She wanted to be, and chose to be a stay at home mom. From my experience, this is true ~95% of the time. And these were aggressive career-women before birth. Life takes on new meanings.
Trialbyfire Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Candygirl, if you want a really, really easy recipe for buckwheat and blueberry pancakes, I can link you to one that's foolproof! Just PM me so I don't link to something considered "bad" by LS moderators. Buckwheat, whole wheat flour and blueberries are all good for you and taste delicious when combined! The only change to the recipe I made was to replace the canola oil with regular olive oil, not extra-virgin or virgin and reduced the amount by 25%. This way, you don't overpower the recipe with a conflicting flavour.
Stockalone Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Things like cooking, are lifestyle choices, in that cooking helps to maintain a healthy lifestyle. To assume that they define a person's femininity, is retarded. It's like defining a man by his mad skillz in plumbing. Totally retarded. A man wants a woman and a woman wants a man. Where it gets tricky, is that definintons about what makes a man a man and what makes a woman a woman are all over the place these days. Unlike you, I am not entirely against traditional gender roles, I believe not all of that was/is bad. But we are in agreement that it is first and foremost about attitude and it is even more important to find a partner whose views fit our own.
FleshNBones Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Or he's cheating. Let's think about it. Who usually benefits, and who usually loses on the issues of alimony property child custody child support I think for most guys, marriage is a big financial risk, and one they won't take unless they can have children. I don't think there is much benefit for most men in a childless marriage. A woman can dissolve it on a whim, and leave him in financial ruin. I too grew up relatively poor. The last thing I want is to be dragged into working poverty by the wrong women. Worse yet, let her turn the kids against me.
Trialbyfire Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 But we are in agreement that it is first and foremost about attitude and it is even more important to find a partner whose views fit our own. Totally about attitudes. At core, I want to be with someone who I love, lust for, respect and trust. I want him to be my friend, my lover and my partner but not my everything, since we both need lives and downtime. In this, I do have high expectations since I "expect" it to be reciprocated. I don't expect that he can build a home with his hands to define his masculinity or that he can shoot a snowflake through the middle at 1000 paces with a Colt .45, while not disturbing its downward drift! So if you want to knock my expectations, go for it!
boxing123 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Well, some men make poor decisions. They marry the career woman that has no other skills than to get dressed up and sit in an office. So once they have a family, guess what. She is inept. She cannot cook, clean, or maintain a household. She no longer wants to go to work, but is also bored at home.. So now he has to support her, himself, the children, pay for a nanny, and cook for himself. Once again, men seldom care if the woman they are dating/banging can cook or would be a good mother, as they are not ready for commitment anyway. Saying your boyfriend doesn't care if you cook really does not mean anything. The other thread was about whom this man chooses to marry, and why. And yes, the most strident career women often times yearn to be in a more traditional role. But since they cannot, or do not have the ability to, they try an convert others to their pattern of thinking.. Usually they are completely jealous of the stay at home mom, with a loving husband. Making money will never replace a woman's desire to be truly loved and taken care of.
Storyrider Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 And yes, the most strident career women often times yearn to be in a more traditional role. But since they cannot, or do not have the ability to, they try an convert others to their pattern of thinking.. Usually they are completely jealous of the stay at home mom, with a loving husband. Making money will never replace a woman's desire to be truly loved and taken care of. Wow, boxing, you're like the horse whisperer for women. It is amazing how you can get inside our heads like that.
Stockalone Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I don't expect that he can build a home with his hands to define his masculinity or that he can shoot a snowflake through the middle at 1000 paces with a Colt .45, while not disturbing its downward drift! But you do have an idea, a vision in your head of what makes a man a man. Something he has to be in order for you to be attracted to him, don't you? So if you want to knock my expectations, go for it! I have no desire to do so.
clv0116 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Your role as YOU have defined it. A lot of women prefer to define their roles for themselves as well, rather than having them proscribed to them. My role as derived from countless eons of successful human families actually, but carry on. Here's some food for thought; which of these groups seems least likely to know whether "not cooking" is a deal breaker for a man to marry a woman? Single menMarried menSingle womenMarried women I think I'd have to say group #3 is most likely to be talking out it's collective ass with ideas they think should be true. All the others have some basis in reality with I would suggest, men being the best qualified to answer.
Trialbyfire Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 But you do have an idea, a vision in your head of what makes a man a man. Something he has to be in order for you to be attracted to him, don't you?Sure and I've hopefully found him. I'm already fairly certain he is but only time will tell if he is or not. One thing for me that makes a man is someone who's real, with internal strength. Someone who I can stand back to back with, who willingly fuels his share of the relationship, who will protect me as I protect him. The last thing I need is someone who needs me to "nurture" and shelter him to adult-hood and emotional/relationship stability. For me, realistically speaking, marriage is more a detriment than a plus. It restricts my freedom. It had better be the most amazing relationship before I'm willing to be restricted. One way of ensuring a lack of marital interest for me, is to expect that I will play a surrogate mother, stereotyping me into a "must cook and clean" role, one who needs me to nag, to get my needs met. No go, fo' sho'!
Dumbledore Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 If you can't cook because you're lazy, then it's a deal breaker! If you can't cook because you're rich, then it's a deal maker! And it has to be one of these two reasons.
iceis44 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I can cook, there are just 472 other things i would like to do before cooking, heck sex, laundry, clean the bathroom, more sex, read a book, watch tv, sex, sit on the sofa and stare into the abyss (grinch) hardy har, sex,
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