Does God want us to be together?

[lovesick1]

I read that in the Bible true Christians are supposed to live the hardest lives. But yet we are expected to accept these hardships and move on from them. But it is so hard when you look around and see people, non-christians, have everything going GREAT for them. Everything works out so much easier for them and it goes back to the point that the world is just not fair...

 

I have/had a girlfriend for a year. About 4 of those months were long distance(4 hours) with me in college and she in high school. I love her so much and don't want to break up with her for anything but I can't help and feel that God is trying REALLY hard to separate us and keep us separated.

 

For instance: The first four months worked fairly well because we were both under the impression that the college she was touring, which was 30 miles from me, was her #1 college and she was certain she wanted to go there. Only upon touring there, she said she HATED it completely. This shot my hopes down for us since she couldn't go to my college or any other close-by college because of costs. So now, she is going to a college that is just as far away from me as this year was. She also told me that she wouldn't even get to have a car her first year! As if this year wasn't hard enough! Her parents wouldn't ever let her drive up to see me this year because they considered her car "unsafe."

 

To make things worse, she is pessimistic and seems to keep giving up on us unless I convince her otherwise. I can't keep holding us together and currently we are broken up and have been for about 3 weeks. We still talk frequently and when we do it is like we are still together, the only difference being "I love you." She says she still wants to be with me and says she has never been as happy as she was with me. We want to get back together but all of these factors are preventing us from making any possible relationship like we had before feasible.

 

Basically, every ounce of hope I get is shot down instantly by some other factor that seems to add to the countless reasons why God does not want us together. So... I'm curious

 

A) Is God trying to separate us because we really aren't right for each other? (which we have both contemplated before)

B) Is God just testing our faith in him and in each other by making things so difficult, like I believe it was Job in the Bible?

C) Are both of these two assumptions B.S. and we are just unlucky?

[Tony T]

"I read that in the Bible true Christians are supposed to live the hardest lives."

 

That's a lot of bull. You need to cancel your subscription to the National Enquirer.

 

"But it is so hard when you look around and see people, non-christians, have everything going GREAT for them."

You're a lot more talented that most people...being able to look around and tell whose lives are great and whose lives are not. People who look at me think I'm rich, yet I'm $32 overdrawn on my checking account. If you sell your "looking around" services to others you can be a rich man.

 

"Everything works out so much easier for them and it goes back to the point that the world is just not fair..."

 

WOW, you are one gifted guy. I mean, you know, Saddam Hussein has eight palaces, with gold everywhere. He ultimately got beheaded. Things work out fine for people sometimes but in some cases they can lose their head. Your thinking is quite faulty.

 

In the case of Christians, look up Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, or Robert Tilton. They were all wealthy Christian leaders living incredible lives until the axe came down on them.

 

"I have/had a girlfriend for a year. About 4 of those months were long distance(4 hours) with me in college and she in high school. I love her so much and don't want to break up with her for anything but I can't help and feel that God is trying REALLY hard to separate us and keep us separated."

God does not get involved in domestic affairs. If I were God and you blamed me for your crappy love life, I'd send a bolt of lightening up your butt real quick. God leaves your love life up to you. He doesn't interfere. He also wants you to know relationships aren't easy and not everybody is for you. Many relationships don't work out because they aren't meant to be. When people fight that, they often end up divorced, dead or both.

 

"For instance: The first four months worked fairly well because we were both under the impression that the college she was touring, which was 30 miles from me, was her #1 college and she was certain she wanted to go there. Only upon touring there, she said she HATED it completely. This shot my hopes down for us since she couldn't go to my college or any other close-by college because of costs. So now, she is going to a college that is just as far away from me as this year was. She also told me that she wouldn't even get to have a car her first year! As if this year wasn't hard enough! Her parents wouldn't ever let her drive up to see me this year because they considered her car 'unsafe.'"

 

So you think this happened because you are Christian??? Do you think the college she didn't like was designed so Christians wouldn't like it? Did God help her not to like it so she would have to go somewhere out of your reach? Geeze, if you are a Christian you have a really high regard for God...WOW! Thankfully, God forgives. Meanwhile, if you need to pin the blame on somebody, why not try CIRCUMSTANCES!

 

"To make things worse, she is pessimistic and seems to keep giving up on us unless I convince her otherwise. I can't keep holding us together and currently we are broken up and have been for about 3 weeks. We still talk frequently and when we do it is like we are still together, the only difference being "I love you." She says she still wants to be with me and says she has never been as happy as she was with me. We want to get back together but all of these factors are preventing us from making any possible relationship like we had before feasible."

 

If you like this girl at all, you will help her to be comfortable with the decision she has made. Don't try to hold anything together. Love doesn't work like that. The LESS you do, the more she will be drawn to you and want to be with you. Meanwhile, proceed your merry way and start dating other people. God has given your beloved a free will and, knowing women like I do, the chances are 87.6395% that she will meet some dude around her new school and start dating him. If the two of you are meant for each other, she will come back to you.

 

Chances are 79.3495% that one or the other of you will start dating another person within two months, likely her because she seems to be the one who cares the lesser.

 

"Basically, every ounce of hope I get is shot down instantly by some other factor that seems to add to the countless reasons why God does not want us together. So... I'm curious"

Have you ever thought that you aren't being shot down...that maybe God is sending you a message...like here might be the message: "This gal does not care enough about you to make the kind of commitment you require. Go out and find one who does!!!!!"

 

A) Is God trying to separate us because we really aren't right for each other? (which we have both contemplated before)

 

Answer is above. Again, God doesn't get involved in love affairs. That would be taking away from the free will he gave both of you and God is not an Indian giver.

 

B) Is God just testing our faith in him and in each other by making things so difficult, like I believe it was Job in the Bible?

 

Nope. God doesn't test people, people do. Maybe this gal is testing you but I doubt it. Her behavior is perfectly normal for someone who is more concerned about getting a good education while she's young than putting up with a pestering suitor. She's a nice girl who wants you to be happy and she's doing what she can to appease you BUT right now, and rightly so, her job one is getting an education. How about showing her enough love to give her that opportunity in peace.

 

C) Are both of these two assumptions B.S. and we are just unlucky?

 

As I look back on my life, and I am a lot older than you, the LUCKIEST breaks in my entire life came during those heartbreak times when somebody busted up with me. At the time, it seemed like the end of the world. Looking back on it, I count myself among the luckiest men on the planet for a number of reasons in each instance.

 

Don't force love. If you do, you will get it up the butt every time...and it won't be God who does it. It will be your own foot!

[wuggle]

yet I'm $32 overdrawn on my checking account.

 

You lucky, lucky ba**ard !!

[Geishawhelk]

Oh wow! I wet myself laughing!!

Twice!!

Once at Tony T, cos he was kidding and once at BnB, because she's serious!!

[Joyvke]

I vote for C.

 

Yes it is bull****. People do what they do by themselves, not any god or whatsoever, but theirselves. You make choices cause you trust your GUT feeling. If things go wrong that just means it's not meant to be not god that goes "oh ho ho let's make things go wrong for him/ her".

[Lovelybird]

I like bentnotbroken's advice God does care our love life, He wants to be in everything in our lives, but also HE gives us free will to choose. But God's is the best. Do your best to seek God's will in this matter, no matter you get answer soon or later, God will honor you and you can find peace and joy in it. "not depending on own understandings, but on God"

 

About Christians have a hard life, depends on how you define "good life". Material wealth? big money? Everything meets your expectation? Or a life of full of spiritual development, new discovery in Lord, new growth, new fruits of Spirit, new closeness with God. Christian's life is full of adventure and romance IMO not exclude hard time though, but even so one still can enjoy God and God's love

[Citizen Erased]

You and your love life are not important to God. He doesn't give a **** if your relationship is crappy or good.

 

Or, what Tony said.

[Trialbyfire]

God gave us all free will and a mind to think with. Now use them.

 

If both of you want to make something work, stop focusing on the negative. It sounds more like a one-sided effort where she's too lazy to put anything into it. Move on!

[JamesM]

A couple of things....

 

If it is meant to be, then it will be. As dumb as that sounds, it may simply be that she is not right for you. Or it could be that when this is over, it will be very clear.

 

And most importantly, if you are wondering what God is telling you, then my suggestion is to pray and read your Bible. I think you may find more answers regarding your life by doing those two things that by asking us here on LS.

[Quinch]

Am I the only person here who can't help thinking of Ned Flanders?

[Geishawhelk]

Okey-dokey- D'oh!!

[NicolaiLarsen]

Well, I'm not a Christian, but I'll give my 2 cents.

 

I believe that you create your own happiness, no one than yourself is responsible for your actions.

 

To extend it and drag a Christian believe into the contest:

 

Have you seen Bruce the almighty?

It's a comic movie, but it actually make a really good point, when "god" is telling Bruce about the rules of being god.

 

He says that Bruce cannot intefer with a person's free will, because bla bla bla bla. Can't remember what else he said, but the point is that your responsible of your actions, nothing magically is going to appear in front of your eyes.

 

If you want to make your relationship work, then make it work.

If you're open for the opportunities, they will appear.

 

So actually it's neither A, B or C

 

The good news is that it isn't over, you have the possibility to make it happen.

[lovesick1]

Thanks for the replies everyone, here's an update on where we stand right now.

 

We are still technically "broken up." We talked for about 2 hours last night at 2 in the morning about everything, including us. We both concluded that nothing has really changed between us with this long distance relationship, everything is still the same, only we are basically stress-free because we are technically not together. We also agreed that the only difference being between us is our mentality-when we are single we have hardly anything to worry about it.

 

But it is so weird because it is exactly like it was when we were doing the long distance thing last semester, except now it's just worry, and problem free. I am starting to question the idea of being technically "together" again since everything seems to be going great right now. But if I were to go see her or visit, that is where it would be different. She says she would still kiss me(lips), but isn't that essentially just like we are still dating?

 

I am just really confused right now and not sure where we stand, somewhere between single and dating I suppose, but I am relatively happy with it, although I do wish to have that title of "together" again...

 

Is this morally wrong? Should we really clear things up and say, "We are either together, op we aren't." Or is there no harm in this???

[rebmalove]

Lovesick1,

 

No, it's not morrally wrong to say "together". I think you all need not focus on titiles so much, they can confuse things and put unwanted expectaions on the both of you. I say you guys just go with the flow. How old are u guys? It seems that both of you should focus on school, and if it's God's will then it will be. You can't force it to be God's will you just have to stay focused on Him and what His desires are for your life. I totally understand how you feel when you see people living according to the world and here you are bustin your butt tryin to stay humble, faithful, prayed up, and pure and holy before God... We just have to stay faithful to Him and everything will fall into place. Hope that helps

[D-Lish]

I don't believe in God, or fate, or anything like that. I think the universe is completely random. The universe is beautiful, just not calculated by anything supernatural.

 

Now, if there was a god, I doubt he/she would get involved in affairs of the heart or sporting events.

 

You can read the Bible cover to cover and come up with so many different answers and interpretations it will make your head spin. Sure- read your Bible if you want to be even more confused than you were before.

 

When you start thinking that you have no control over your destiny, you will act accordingly and perhaps miss out on many things. If you believe you have control over your life, you can affect it.

 

I know it's difficult because if you have a belief in the christian God- he does oversee relationships, he does interfere. So many Christians cling to the belief that the Bible was divinely inspired. That's fine- however, there are far too many contradictions in the Bible, an omnipotent creature could not have had a hand in writing it. man wrote the words- and a panel of "men" oversee what goes in the Bible and what does not. It's called Canon.

 

I heard the most ridiculous thing on "The View" today. They were talking about the recent Us Airways plane crash- and one of the more retarded hosts said "see- prayer does work- those people on that plane prayed and they were saved".... That's not logic. What about people that have prayed yet still died in plane crashes?

 

Just put some confidence in your own ability to choose and affect the world around you. I think it's totally cool to have a belief system that includes exterior forces. Just not to the extent that one thinks that they have no control over their own destiny.

 

You can't change how someone feels about you through prayer- and you can't change how you feel about them through prayer. You can do some self-reflection... but no one will be in the sky waving a magic wand making life wonderful.

 

Life is hard for everyone no matter what their faith or lack of it.

It would suck to live as if one has no control over their own outcome.

If one were to really embrace that concept, then life shouldn't be that hard at all- because everything would be about "acceptance" of fate rather than a realization that all actions have consequences.

 

A relationship isn't "meant" to be simply because one party chooses to opt out- that's the bottom line about relationships.

[chris250]

The majority of the world believes in free will. I do not. I do believe that no matter what path you choose you will always be in God's will. Everything that happens on this planet is God's will. Why? because He is all powerful. How can a mere finite mortal human being like myself resist God's will? It is impossible.

 

Free will is not biblical. I do not believe I have any say whatsoever in the outcome of my life. We find several cases in the bible of God overriding man's will such as when He hardened pharoah's heart for a season. We are all under the authority of God. He has the entire world in His hands.

 

The people right now who are not serving God is because it is God's will that they do NOT serve Him at this present time. It doesn't mean their hearts will always be hardened to Him. He hardens and blinds some for a season but eventually everybody is going to be saved & come unto the knowledge of the truth.

 

Even the people who believe in free will believe this way because God has willed that they believe the illusion that they are in control of their destiny. Therefore I didn't choose to believe that God is in control of everything. He chose to open my eyes to it.

 

So as far as your relationship goes? what's going to happen is going to happen. There's nothing you can do to change the outcome. God may very well have other plans for you that do not involve this lady. I don't know.

 

The God of the bible has been in the business of preordaining events like the birth of His Son Jesus Christ. He still preordains things in our world today.