LoveLace Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I have a circle of friends that goes back many years. Among us is a guy that I met and befriended on an as-see basis all that time ago. He had a gf a year or 2...at some point he and I had a "hook up" night...but for some reason I was never interested in more after that. That was probably 3 or more yrs. ago. He would call me on occasion but I always either blew it off or kept is short, but I'd always still hang out with him and talk if I saw him out. Even just about a year ago, he would still call me late at night and I would give him sh*t about it. I remember telling my girl friend who's also in the same circle, that sew-sew has been calling me lately!....Next thing I knew, those 2 were seeing each other. He was all about her. She kept saying how "nice" of a guy he is, etc...it seemed he wanted to be serious with her. Around that time she asked what happened with he and I - and I just said I don't really know, I just never desired to be with him that way again. Well she ended up blowing him off for other guys and he was too boring for her all of a sudden. He wanted to be serious too fast for her. (This was all over the summer). Well last weekend at a friend's big b-day party, somehow he and I ended up deciding to hang out after the shin dig. He invited me back to his place (which is no big deal cuz I've been there a few times and I know both he and his roommate very well)...well we ended up making out pretty hot and heavy, but it ended there and he cuddled me tight all night and rubbed my back, etc, and it was all very nice. He let me just pass out and he didn't try or suggest anything sexual beyond that. The next morning I felt distant from him (maybe cuz we are already good friends), and thought "what am I doing because I don't think I like him that much"... I didn't think this was such a big deal that I should call my gf, his Ex, and tell her about it, especially since SHE was the one who dumped him, and since I had mixed feelings about it anyway. THEN, all of a sudden, she texted me a week later about that b-day party and says, "So where did you go afterwards?" I knew right then she must have somehow knew what happened...and I never told anyone. I just replied that I hung out with sew-sew for a bit, then passed out...then changed the subject. Last night was yet another friend's b-day party that all 3 of us were at, and she kept making sarcastic comments that "we should have a threesome" and laughing about it. I'm gathering those 2 have talked about me? He and I both basically just blew off all her comments. He and I did a fair share of flirting and sitting by each other, but we didn't stay by each other all night. I had to leave early and he said "it was a pleasant surprise" to see me that night, and we gave each other a quick kiss (even in front of some girl he was talking with at the bar). I told him to call me to hang out sometime...I had vibes that he wasn't sure how I felt about him that night. And I was starting to decide that I do in fact, like him a little more, but still not a lot. 1st of all, is SHE perhaps a little jealous even though she dumped him? Secondly, she's always juggling like 5 guys at a time so should I feel guilty or like a bad friend if I like this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Hey, LL. Yikes, it all sounds terribly confusing and dramatic . What is her relationship with his roommate? Could she and he not have connected at some shindig or another, and she heard it from roommate? She doesn't sound jealous, really -- just yanking your chain...cos you made it so easy for her to do that, by not just telling her the truth at some point since. Honestly, I can see my own 'inner troublemaker' having a go and doing the same "how about a 3some, you guys?" bit of ribbing. For that matter, I can see anyone in my long-term circle doing that. We'd each get that whoever does the chain-yanking is just trying to point out that one of us is acting somewhat "girlishly", and using humour instead of saying, "Hey, Ronni, give your head a shake...no big deal you did that guy. Hell, we're all gonna have a go sooner or later, it seems." Or. Is it that your ARE feeling somewhat guilty, uncomfortable, whatever? Did you feel you DID need to hide it from her, for whatever reason? If so, maybe it's just a case of projecting, and nothing to do with her, really??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Hey, LL. Yikes, it all sounds terribly confusing and dramatic . What is her relationship with his roommate? Could she and he not have connected at some shindig or another, and she heard it from roommate? She doesn't sound jealous, really -- just yanking your chain...cos you made it so easy for her to do that, by not just telling her the truth at some point since. Honestly, I can see my own 'inner troublemaker' having a go and doing the same "how about a 3some, you guys?" bit of ribbing. For that matter, I can see anyone in my long-term circle doing that. We'd each get that whoever does the chain-yanking is just trying to point out that one of us is acting somewhat "girlishly", and using humour instead of saying, "Hey, Ronni, give your head a shake...no big deal you did that guy. Hell, we're all gonna have a go sooner or later, it seems." Or. Is it that your ARE feeling somewhat guilty, uncomfortable, whatever? Did you feel you DID need to hide it from her, for whatever reason? If so, maybe it's just a case of projecting, and nothing to do with her, really??? Ah yes she could have heard from the roommate...even though we never saw him at home that night...but I guess the 2 guys might talk. However he and I didn't have sex; I think I just kind of feel like she's under that assumption and wish she wasn't. I don't know. I never felt the need to hide anything, and I still don't. I just didn't see the need to call her right up, as if something huge happened, because to me it wasn't anything huge. I'm wondering if maybe I wish that she would just mind her own business. I'd rather her act as if she doesn't know about it, as opposed to making a joke out of it. Especially with HIM right there....kind of feels like "LL and ____ sittin' in a tree, k i s s i n g!"...embarrassing like in grade school, only with a much more adult kind of situation... I guess it comes with the territory of friends dating friends, but I felt like she was kind of being nosy by trying to be smooth and pry it out of me, as if I wouldn't know she was doing it. If I don't care to talk about something, I wish someone would just respect that. I would rather he and I actually establish something before saying, "Hey, ___ and I are seeing each other now." Why was it so important to her that I told her something about it? So that she could make jokes in front of everyone? Make a mountain out of a mole hill? And now that I possibly feel more interested in him, I especially don't think it's any of her business, or anyone else's unless I'm ready for that, unless it's necessary. She all around gets on my nerves BIG time in general. I think she's as fake as it gets and we don't have much in common. I've kept my distance from her lately. Guess I'm just annoyed that she just HAS to know about everything. And I decided certainly do not care to consider her feelings if I like him. She dumped him and she has more men than she can handle. So if I like someone, I wish she would just keep her mouth shut. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 LL cool J, What's going on? Actually, this guy doesn't read all that well. He had a girlfriend when you hooked up years ago and now he is shifting to you after your juggling friend dumped him. Don't set yourself up like that. You know better. It reads like stupid drama that will go nowhere meaningful in any direction. You girlfriend reads as though it is an ego thing for her. With the juggling aspect her actions fit. Don't be a ball in her unconscious game. The guy, I just wouldn't. It almost seems like you are trying to like him more then you do, and your friend's interests is fueling some weird attracting (and fleeting) drama/validation thing. What is it that you want LL? Some friends should be kept at a distance, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 LL cool J, What's going on? Actually, this guy doesn't read all that well. He had a girlfriend when you hooked up years ago and now he is shifting to you after your juggling friend dumped him. Don't set yourself up like that. You know better. It reads like stupid drama that will go nowhere meaningful in any direction. You girlfriend reads as though it is an ego thing for her. With the juggling aspect her actions fit. Don't be a ball in her unconscious game. The guy, I just wouldn't. It almost seems like you are trying to like him more then you do, and your friend's interests is fueling some weird attracting (and fleeting) drama/validation thing. What is it that you want LL? Some friends should be kept at a distance, you know? No, no, no...when he and I hooked up years ago it was well after the girlfriend.... And it's been well over 6 months since he and my friend dated...so it isn't as though he went "well maybe LL will like me" or something like that...he and I have seen each other several times since they broke up. And not until last weekend did he express interest in hanging with me again, nor did it ever cross my mind that we would do so again. I thought it was funny how he called me regularly...until I told HER about that fact...and overnight just like that he was hers and she totally bragged about how nice he was....until I expressed that I never liked him enough to have as a boyfriend...then suddenly she doesn't want him anymore...see where I'm going with this? Matter of fact, she found another guy and dissed him for weeks, until finally he asked ME what was going on and it was ME that told him she found someone else...she isn't even mature enough to just break up with him the right way and she is a 33 yr old woman. Because of ME she was finally forced to talk with him...then she charmed her way back into it as his "friend". So now that he and I apparently have enjoyed each other's company many months later, I think I"m just not comfortable with her involvement in any way what so ever. I don't trust her. I could care less if he stays interested or not...but if she decides that this can be some kind of egotistical contest for her, and starts to lead him on again, I will be outraged. He's a sweet guy and he treated her like gold. But she made the choice to disregard that. So if I like him I just want her completely out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 No, no, no...when he and I hooked up years ago it was well after the girlfriend.... That's cool. I'm glad you clarified. see where I'm going with this? A little. I think you think he is sweet and she is not nice. You may be correct. However, I still say, look out for yourself. She is not the only "ego" player as I read this, and I don't want you to be hurt. It is very uneccessary. She likes the effect she may impose on you, on him, and you should ask yourself if that dynamic has bearing toward your attraction to him to begin with. Look out for yourself sweetie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted January 20, 2009 Author Share Posted January 20, 2009 That's cool. I'm glad you clarified. A little. I think you think he is sweet and she is not nice. You may be correct. However, I still say, look out for yourself. She is not the only "ego" player as I read this, and I don't want you to be hurt. It is very uneccessary. She likes the effect she may impose on you, on him, and you should ask yourself if that dynamic has bearing toward your attraction to him to begin with. Look out for yourself sweetie. Haha well the funniest thing happened tonight. I called him up to see what he was doing, and he invited me to a dart tournement he as playing in.... and another team member there included yet ANOTHER old flame of mine... we were so happy to see each other and eyed each other the whole time. It was too hard to not to. Whatever was once there between us, came rushing right back. I think the guy I initially posted about here, was catching on. The 3 of us managed to make to conversation that wasn't awkward, but I know that Guy A was getting vibes, too. I tried to give hints that I was into him, but it didn't seem to phase him much... then he acted as though he needed to get home soon...so he left and it was Guy B and I...the flirting and talking and what not came back hardcore, like riding bike only better this time. We made out major in his truck, then he told me to call, then he texted me and we made plans to go out this weekend. So it's as though rekindling one thing lead to rekindling of another....only the 1st one wasn't meant to be...or I'm just a kissing slut lol Link to post Share on other sites
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