jack86 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Hi all. my Ex girlfriend and I broke up around 5 months ago. we had been dating for 2yrs and lived together for 18 months from when she moved into mine. the reason she gave was that she felt i never wanted to get married and have kids one day but we hadn't ever discussed it in detail and when i told her i did want all that in the future she said it was too late as she didnt love me the way she used to because of it. 2 weeks later she had a new boyfriend and she lasted about 3wks with him then she called me telling me she missed me and still loved me and wanted us to start over. i hadn't contacted her the whole time she was with him cos it really hurt that it seemed she got over me so fast and in that time i was starting to move on but i took a gamble and tried again cos i still loved her. But after i gave the relationship another chance she left again after 3 days saying she felt bad about going with another guy so soon after we broke up but said she still loved me and always will. She said she wanted to keep in touch and still do things together and i stupidly agreed. But while we were hanging out they would be times we would cuddle up watching a movie and she would say she felt the old spark coming back and it got my hopes up but during this time she met about 4 guys she met on the internet for dates and it really hurt me. It was then i realised i had to stop seeing her and we went out one last time just to say goodbye but when we were saying goodbye she ran out the car crying because she didnt want to lose me and i thought that would be the last i saw of her. About 2 wks later i started hanging around with another ex. it was nothing romantic, we just still get on well and my ex made contact with me and when i told her i had been hanging around with my other ex but not in a romantic way in conversation she said thats a pity because she was thinking about giving us another go and i asked her to think about it cos i still love her and she said not now as i had been seeing my other ex. what she failed to tell me was she had been seeing another guy she met on the net for around 2wks and when i asked her why she waited to tell me she had been thinking about giving us another go when she found out i had been seeing my ex instead of before it she said she didnt know why she waited but was definetely thinking about it. In the same conversation she was telling me how great this new guy is and how shes never felt so excited about someone before and she feels closer to him more than she ever did to me which i think is something u shouldn't say to an ex let alone one who still loves you and i said that but she said she was just being honest. since then i haven't made any contact with her and she doesn't contact me but i still talk to her when i bump into her in the street and the conversation always turns into how happy she is with him and telling me that all her friends and family adore him more than any ex shes had and things like that. its comments like that which really hurt me as i was really close to her friends and family too. In fact some of her friends fell out with her because of what she was doing to me. they thought she was stringing me along for insurance incase she never found someone she liked. Surely she must know that would hurt me as she knows i still love her. i spoke to her the other day in the street and she was sayin she loves him more than anyone she ever has and wants to start a family with him. its only been 2 months since they met each other and the guy shes with the now was dumped from a 2yr relationship 2wks before they hooked up. i didnt say anything about it but i think thats a bit soon. i realise im gonna have to stop talking to her in the street cos everytime i do i just get hurt but i dont want to have any bad feeling between us. ive never done anything to hurt her since ive known her and always gave her what she wanted when i could. Does anyone have any idea why she would want to hurt me and what i should do? my head says never to talk to her again but in all honestly i really miss her and i still love her. any help would be appreciated. Ps, sorry its so long. Link to post Share on other sites
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 You are well rid of her. Imagine if you were married to her, and you had a fight. She would be off with the first guy. And then she would be telling you how happy she was with him. You dodged a bullet there. Link to post Share on other sites
Goatsbreath Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 how the hell do you keep running into her on the street....haha, that just sounds funny. Anyway, she is no good for you, the only reason she would continue to make such references about new men in her life is to make you jealous. Why she wants to make you jealous and hurt is beyond me. I would forget about her. If you still choose to speak with her...."on the street" then cut the conversation short when she starts taking it toward telling you about her new man. Just leave and pretend you have things to do or better yet, just leave her alone....................... ....psycho.........i mean unless your guys are like 12 and your meeting on the street on your bicycles Link to post Share on other sites
Author jack86 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 how the hell do you keep running into her on the street....haha, that just sounds funny. Anyway, she is no good for you, the only reason she would continue to make such references about new men in her life is to make you jealous. Why she wants to make you jealous and hurt is beyond me. I would forget about her. If you still choose to speak with her...."on the street" then cut the conversation short when she starts taking it toward telling you about her new man. Just leave and pretend you have things to do or better yet, just leave her alone....................... ....psycho.........i mean unless your guys are like 12 and your meeting on the street on your bicycles She works in the same street i live in so its inevitable we bump into one another from time to time. If i could avoid her i would. Thanks for the advice guys Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Your ex is using rebound relationships to bridge over the loss felt over the breakup. I think she's in for a stunning fall on the scale of an olympic 10, when both she and the new guy realize they've reattached themselves to someone who isn't their ex, someone they don't know well, nvm at all. She's emotionally all over the map and is stringing you along whether she means to or not. Her call to you, after she found out about the ex, was to take you away from your other ex. She still feels she owns you. Let her crash and burn on her own. If at all possible, STAY AWAY from her. If you see her on the street, say Hi but continue walking away. If she tries to stop you, tell her you're late for something...anything! Link to post Share on other sites
nature Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 You don't have to talk to her when you see her. You want to talk to her. Because you miss her. Just because you live on the st she works on, doesn't mean you need to talk to her. Leave your house/apt, go where you go, then come home. You don't need to hang around the st or close to her work. Go the other way. It's easy to avoid. You are allowing yourself to "casually" bump in to her way too often. And she knows this. You want her back and miss her. And she knows this. Stop making yourself look like a doormat. that is why she is treating you this way. Haven't you ever heard the saying "nice guys finish last"? this is what it pertains to. It is not about a guy being nice, it is about a guy being pathetic. So muster up the strength, and try to stop running into her on the street. You can do it. I know you can. She dumped you. Accept it. Disappear. Who cares about the hard feelings. Being Mr.Doormat isn't getting you anywhere. All she is doing is wiping her feet on you, because she knows she can, and she knows you'll take it. She doesn't respect you becuase you don't make her respect you. So disappear. Stop acting needy and desperate. Stop making yourself available to run into on the st. And if you do happen to see her, walk the other way, or walk fast by her, turning your head to say hi quickly. You are busy. You don't have time to have feet wiped on you right now. Get a backbone and some pride! You can do it! This girl is a walking ego because you are stroking it so much. That is why she continues to hurt you. Stop allowing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sysyphus28 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 You are obligation free now. Period. I didn't realize that and I kept on pouring salt on a wound with my ex. LEave it all alone and get out of her life. You are prolonging this drama. Prolonging your pain too. Let her figure her life out and you figure out yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 the reason she gave was that she felt i never wanted to get married and have kids one day but we hadn't ever discussed it in detail and when i told her i did want all that in the future she said it was too late as she didnt love me the way she used to because of it. I'm going to highlight this section since it's pretty minimalized. She withdrew due to your lack of words and actions to show your commitment. Also, even your attempt at showing commitment, basically told her you're not currently ready to commit now. I'm not finger pointing. No one should ever commit until they're truly ready to do so. But...with this in mind, she also has a right to her feelings, feelings that a continuation of a relationship with you, was a losing proposition to her needs. So...maybe...this is part of her emotional exercise. Wanting you but not wanting you. Just a possibility of why she's acting strangely. Link to post Share on other sites
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