Curiosity killing the cat, over and over ! THE PAST !

[DEEPDOWNUNDER]

I have been seeing my girlfriend for 4 months now and im deeply in love with her. However about a week ago i began to indulge in my curiosity about her past. I began asking questions demanding the truth. She revealed to me that she had sex with 13 guys before me and she 26 now. she started at 15, and in a duration on 3 years slept with 10 men.

I am hurt everytime i aske her about her past but i have an itch that drives me crazy, wanting to know what went on in her past. For instance one day i saw a high schooler wearing a really short skirt and pointed that out to her. She the exclaimed that she used to wear skirts like that in her past. I than began to ask her if she did it with her skirt on when she had sex with her ex, immediately after her answer admitting yes I felt a burn in my chest suffocating me.

Another example is of me asking wheter im the biggest #### she have had or if she had bigger... I dont want to ask these questions but it just hits me everytime unexpectedly.

i dont know why i keep asking these silly questions about her past and its really getting to me.

I start seeing images and thinking to myself that she is a slut, and there is no possiblity of me marrying a girl like that in the future.

I have two faces , one telling me that i hate her for being such a hoe and there is no way id settle down with her so i should break up with her now and the other is that I love her very much.

I guess im jealous in a way that i didnt get to have as many sexual encounters as she did. so sometimes i think if i had more a number or maybe slept with more women id feel better... i dont know .. im confused ..sick maybe...

What should i do, it does bother me till i have lost my appetite and longing for making love to her cos im a lil shocked...

[confused888]

Okay sometimes it's better not to ask a ton of questions about a girl's past. I'm 25 and when I was 17 I went through a stupid phase just like her. That doesn't necessarily make her a whore. If anyone asks me about my past I feel backed into a corner and get defensive. The reason I was with so many guys wasn't because I was a nympho, I thought that's what I had to do to get them to pay attention to me. I was naive and stupid and insecure. If she's still sleeping with anything that moves it could be a problem, but the past is just that, the past. Don't ever ask if a guy was bigger than you. What if she says yes? Then you feel insecure and feel like less of a man? Not to be mean, but seriously the questions you're asking are showing an immaturity on your part. I don't know how old you are, but you have a lot to learn about girls. There aren't a whole lot of single 26 year olds out there without baggage and tainted pasts. It's a package deal sweetie. You should want her for her and nothing else should even cross your mind. The skirt thing even more solidifies that she was using sex for attention too. She may not be a virgin, but it sounds like she's never had a guy actually care for her. There could be a lot of firsts that you're not thinking of...

[TinTin]

A very similar story to my own this. All I can is.. STOP ASKING!! I'm with a gorgeous girl, who i've been seeing for almost two years now, we live together quite happily and 99 % of the time i'm fine with her past. She, like your girlfriend started quite early at around 14/15 from what I can gather, I don't want to ask too many questions. I asked her about a year ago how may guys she'd slept with, she answered 10 not including me. Now that may not seem too many but as she was in a long term relationship before me, from the age of 18, that makes 9 other guys before the age of 18. Now as I said I love her to pieces, I myself have a little of history but nothing like her. I can't help but torture myself with images of her with these other guys every now and then, mostly when I look at facebook and see she has become friends with a guy I don't know, and then I start to wonder.. has she slept with him.. did she love him.. etc etc etc. Really stupid I know but, like you, it makes me sick to my stomach. I've deleted my facebook page today so as to try and stop this. I fully intend to marry my girlfriend but until I can sort out my stupid imagination I don't feel ready to ask her. I first found out, via this forum, that this is known as retroactive jealousy, and your not the only one mate I can tell you! The most repeated piece of advice you'll read on here is that it'll go away in time... for me it hasn't yet, but i'm getting better at dealing with it. Until i can get my head around this i'm afraid I can't offer you much more advice than this.. but just know that your not alone and read some of the advice on jealousy on here because it has me a lot. Good luck!

[DEEPDOWNUNDER]

Thank you for your restrospects and your advices. I must admit reading the posts here do make me feel better at overcoming the silly thoughts that i have.

So thank you. I appreciate it and i really hope to mature more and learn more about girls, dealing with jealousy and coping with with the fact that my girlfriend did have a past.

Lastly, i have a thought lingering in my mind, which is..

if she was cheating on me now because of her tendency from her past, how do i find out ? i want her for my self...

[AAlike]

Is this the first girl that you've ever felt very strong feelings for?

[Charles1978]

You're showing some bad signs here. First, you admit to asking her questions about her past and it drives you crazy. Now you are asking how to find out if she is cheating. You're letting your imagination control you. It is not an attractive quality to any girl. The more you dig and the more you accuse her, the close you'll get to her breaking up with you. Just stop with all the questions and suspicions. You are making yourself seem very insecure. How old are you two anyway? I see that she's 26, so I would assume you are at least 26. You should have moved past this phase by now.

[DEEPDOWNUNDER]

hi there im 24 and yes this is the first time ive had strong feelings for a girl. Maybe it has to do with the fact that im out here in Japan and dont have too many friends, not being able to speak Japanese. So i guess i have feeling that she is the only person out there to care for me.

[norajane]

I love her very much

Do you? Why? What do you love about her? Is it important to you to love a woman? Are those things you love about her important to you?

 

Does she love you? Is it more important to you to be loved, or to go out and have more sex with lots of women so you increase your "number"?

 

Depending on your answers, you know whether you need to get over yourself and accept the love in your life and give it freely, or whether you need to break up with your gf and turn into a slut yourself just so you can have a bigger number and stop being jealous.

[mark982]

what hasppened b/4 you can do nothing about, quit fretting over it. it's how she treats you now is all that matters.

[bubblebutt77]

hello there. wow you're in japan? so am i. we're also the same age.

anyway, i read your post and i feel you. i'm a girl and have been dating a guy the same ageas me, and i really understand every sentence you wrote there.

 

i don't know what got me started exactly, but one day i became curious about when how why where my boyfriend lost his virginity. that was the start. it started killing me. i was losing myself, friends, appetite, blah blah ...i knew it wasn't going anywhere, but to misery. i wanted to be his "one and only" so i was always asking him about his ex girlfriends, about where they're from, what they did, what they looked like. all i wanted to hear and know was that i was the best, the smartest, prettiest. but the thing is, i didn't need to. you don't need to either. if your girlfriend really loves you and i'm sure she does, you are the best to her! why else is she with you then?!

 

do things that will make you feel more confident. learn something new, play sports, i don't know, but you have to be more confident. my boyfriend hated seeing me so jealous and crazy. it's such a turn-off. i know it's going to be hard at first, but the first step is to stop questioning...do anything to get your mind off her past....and you will get over it. don't lose to the past, it's over. it means nothing to her anymore. good luck. you will be fine and enjoy japan while you're here!!!