I cheated on my bf of almost 6 yrs...here's my story...

[lkjh]

There are way too many nonconstructive attacks with no real advice on this thread. No wonder she finally lashed back.

 

 

 

Why is everyone taking up for the BF so strongly? She says she caught him three times and even though she didn't mention it, it seems like there is a decent possibility that there were other times and he may even still be...

 

They're both wrong in what they did. And I think I understand her when she says she's just confused. I don't know exactly what to tell her but I do think she needs to make a basic decision first of all, do you want to stay with your fiance? If so you have to make the last time you stepped out on him the last time ever. I know you said you weren't going to tell him but it will be worse if he finds out on his own. Maybe you could intro it like remember when you slept with those three (atleast) girls while we were together? Well...

 

Im not gonna debate whether or not his cheating validates hers but what I will say is that we do not know he slept with 3 girls. We do know she has cheated and would not have stopped if the other guy didn't dump her. She thought he did cheat and he claimed he didn't. She had a text message in one of the cases. This all just sounds like justification with no actual proof. Did he cheat? Maybe. If he did she should have broken up with him. Instead she is the one actually cheating. She will also cheat in the future because she really has no guilt. The first time is always the hardest but after that it just gets easier.

[BlackLace]

Okay...those of you on your moral high horse have my permission to step down.

 

I've been very graceful in my responses and have thanked all of you for your input but you have no right telling me i'm a bad person. Yeah, what i did was wrong, but you people have no idea the kind of person I am...for all you know I could be your best friend/cousin/neighbor....and for you to talk about me like you have ANY idea as to the real person that I am is not only unfair but IMMATURE....yeah...thanks to some of you out there I now know that I am lower than "pond scum"....please.

 

Here's what I'm going to do....

 

#1 - Never come in contact with "cheater boy"

#2 - Never tell my bf about this

#3 - Focus my energy/love/devotion on my bf

#4 - Make a sandwich

 

Now....if I read another post telling me to either dump my bf or tell him, I'm going to....well i'm not going to do anything because i'm a big girl i've got my "big girl pants" on today. I'm just tired of the same thing being repeated by people who have no real advise, just one or the other.

 

You guys talk to me as if i have only two options, why can't i just put behind me what i've done and focus on pleasing my bf? People mess up ALL the time...don't try to act like you're better than me because you've never been in a state of confusion/lust. In fact, shame on you for thinking your better than anyone because guess what douchebags YOU'RE NOT!!

 

None of you are any better than me (or anyone else) because you haven't cheated....you're not better than me (or anyone else) because you've done things in your past/present that you're not proud of. Am i bragging about what i've done? NO! I'm simply looking for a place to vent and hopefully get some real insight.

 

I'm not just agreeing with the people that don't have anything negative to say...I opened pandora's box when I wrote out my story...I'm agreeing with those that make sense and offer more than rude remarks.

 

This thread has taken a life of it's own and if you guys just want to bash me, i just won't allow that because...here's the shocker....contrary to popular belief...i AM human. I shared something very intimate with all of you and for you to take advantage of it just to get a few nasty words out and make yourself feel better is even more sad than my situation. At least i have enough balls to pour my heart out here, become vulnerable, and take your verbal abuse. Yes, i know, i should have been pouring my heart out to my bf but you know what, (still wearing those big girl pants) i'm NOT going to and nor am i going to break up with him. As said on someone's previous post, it's not a black or white situation.

 

....you may proceed to that horse of yours now, and I'll start sowing that "A" on all my outfits.

[lkjh]

MissTing, calling someone who cheats a cheater is not a attack. Calling someone who is remorseless, remorseless is not attack. Telling someone they need to come clean is not a attack. Not buying into bs reasons for inexcusable behavior is not a attack. But, writing off what she did as human behavior is enabling it. Telling others to be nice to someone who has potentially put herself and others at risk of a std is enabling it. You make it seem like this was a mistake when it wasnt. She planned this out by staying in touch with this guy and then meeting up with him on more than on occation. She would still be doing but you want us to believe this will never happen again. She is using her bf and for some reason you want everyone here to tell her that its ok, and its just apart of life. Your actions define a person. Someone who steals is a thief, someone who kills is a murderer, and someone who cheats is a cheater. You can sugar coat it if you want but it is what it is.

[BlackLace]

She will also cheat in the future because she really has no guilt. The first time is always the hardest but after that it just gets easier.

 

Is this loveshack or the psychic friends hotline?

 

I love how all of you can predict the future....why don't you make good use of your talent and get the lotto numbers while you're at it.

 

Thanks Miss Cleo.

[lkjh]

Okay...those of you on your moral high horse have my permission to step down.

 

I've been very graceful in my responses and have thanked all of you for your input but you have no right telling me i'm a bad person. Yeah, what i did was wrong, but you people have no idea the kind of person I am...for all you know I could be your best friend/cousin/neighbor....and for you to talk about me like you have ANY idea as to the real person that I am is not only unfair but IMMATURE....yeah...thanks to some of you out there I now know that I am lower than "pond scum"....please.

 

Here's what I'm going to do....

 

#1 - Never come in contact with "cheater boy"

#2 - Never tell my bf about this

#3 - Focus my energy/love/devotion on my bf

#4 - Make a sandwich

 

Now....if I read another post telling me to either dump my bf or tell him, I'm going to....well i'm not going to do anything because i'm a big girl i've got my "big girl pants" on today. I'm just tired of the same thing being repeated by people who have no real advise, just one or the other.

 

You guys talk to me as if i have only two options, why can't i just put behind me what i've done and focus on pleasing my bf? People mess up ALL the time...don't try to act like you're better than me because you've never been in a state of confusion/lust. In fact, shame on you for thinking your better than anyone because guess what douchebags YOU'RE NOT!!

 

None of you are any better than me (or anyone else) because you haven't cheated....you're not better than me (or anyone else) because you've done things in your past/present that you're not proud of. Am i bragging about what i've done? NO! I'm simply looking for a place to vent and hopefully get some real insight.

 

I'm not just agreeing with the people that don't have anything negative to say...I opened pandora's box when I wrote out my story...I'm agreeing with those that make sense and offer more than rude remarks.

 

This thread has taken a life of it's own and if you guys just want to bash me, i just won't allow that because...here's the shocker....contrary to popular belief...i AM human. I shared something very intimate with all of you and for you to take advantage of it just to get a few nasty words out and make yourself feel better is even more sad than my situation. At least i have enough balls to pour my heart out here, become vulnerable, and take your verbal abuse. Yes, i know, i should have been pouring my heart out to my bf but you know what, (still wearing those big girl pants) i'm NOT going to and nor am i going to break up with him. As said on someone's previous post, it's not a black or white situation.

 

....you may proceed to that horse of yours now, and I'll start sowing that "A" on all my outfits.

 

 

Actually we know you better than your friends, neighbor, and family because who let us enter your head and personal thoughts. You told us things you will never tell anyone else. We did give you advice, advice that will help you in the long run but you do not want it. Instead you chose to stay on your same path. Einstein define insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. What are you really doing different now?

[lkjh]

Is this loveshack or the psychic friends hotline?

 

I love how all of you can predict the future....why don't you make good use of your talent and get the lotto numbers while you're at it.

 

Thanks Miss Cleo.

 

 

Instead of getting mad why don't you sit back and think about what we are saying. Go back and read your threads and see if you can realize why I and others have said things like this. I have never been cheated on nor have I cheated but I do get frustrated when people intentionally do things that will screw them over. Let me ask you, what if one day you and your bf get married and then 30 years down the road he finds out? will you be ok with that? There have actually been a lot of cases like this, yes most of the time the cheater admits to it down the road. But it does a insane amount of damage.

[lkjh]

Your little jokes just show that you are not mature about this even if you think you are.

[BlackLace]

Actually we know you better than your friends, neighbor, and family because who let us enter your head and personal thoughts. You told us things you will never tell anyone else. quote]

 

HAHAHAHHAHAHA...let me catch my breath....HAHAHHAHA....ummm NO!

 

No you don't know me AT ALL...you know only what i choose to tell you...for all you know I made the whole thing up (which i didn't - but for the sake of argument let's say i did)....You have only the pieces to my puzzle...and we all know that you can't tell what the puzzle is with just 10 pieces.

 

Also.....here's my point that you DON'T know me....you think i will NEVER TELL ANYONE ELSE about this? What makes you so sure? Are you ready Miss Cleo??........I've talk to my friends about this and have got their advice and their take because they actually KNOW ME but you know, silly me, i thought i would TRY to get some anonymous advice but I guess the majority of people here are saints so that went down the drain when the word "cheat" came in play.

[BlackLace]

Your little jokes just show that you are not mature about this even if you think you are.

 

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO mature...look at me, i'm frowning...look how mature I am. Jesus Christ, you're pathetic.

 

Just because my written word is awesome and funny and you KNOW you laughed doesn't meam i'm immature, if anything i'm more mature because i don't have to sit here and get emo on your asses.

 

PS - I'm NOT mad, i'm sarcastic...and since you've never cheated, been cheated on, or have even touched a cheater with a ten foot pole, what makes what you have to say have any weight? NOTHING you can't give me advice because you've never been in those shoes.

[lkjh]

Actually we know you better than your friends, neighbor, and family because who let us enter your head and personal thoughts. You told us things you will never tell anyone else. quote]

 

HAHAHAHHAHAHA...let me catch my breath....HAHAHHAHA....ummm NO!

 

No you don't know me AT ALL...you know only what i choose to tell you...for all you know I made the whole thing up (which i didn't - but for the sake of argument let's say i did)....You have only the pieces to my puzzle...and we all know that you can't tell what the puzzle is with just 10 pieces.

 

Also.....here's my point that you DON'T know me....you think i will NEVER TELL ANYONE ELSE about this? What makes you so sure? Are you ready Miss Cleo??........I've talk to my friends about this and have got their advice and their take because they actually KNOW ME but you know, silly me, i thought i would TRY to get some anonymous advice but I guess the majority of people here are saints so that went down the drain when the word "cheat" came in play.

 

Then we would know the fake person you made up. I hope you do tell others, especially your bf. I am not a saint but I just feel that it is wrong to deceive your bf this way. I have done bad things to but I have never screwed over someone who could potentially one day be my wife and mother of my children. The fact that you cheated doesn't bother me so much as the fact that you are remorseless.

[lkjh]

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO mature...look at me, i'm frowning...look how mature I am. Jesus Christ, you're pathetic.

 

Just because my written word is awesome and funny and you KNOW you laughed doesn't meam i'm immature, if anything i'm more mature because i don't have to sit here and get emo on your asses.

 

PS - I'm NOT mad, i'm sarcastic...and since you've never cheated, been cheated on, or have even touched a cheater with a ten foot pole, what makes what you have to say have any weight? NOTHING you can't give me advice because you've never been in those shoes.

 

I have seen it before. People can learn from observation. Your story is not new or unique, that is why the majority of people are saying the same thing but you just choose not to listen. That is what makes you immature. Your bf is a lucky guy to end up with such a special girl.

[lkjh]

Hey look if you are honestly not going to take any of the advice and leave here the same way you came then so be it. But please read your first post and ask yourself how you would feel if your bf was doing this. You said in the first one that he gave you a ring, your families know each of you, you are still in contact with the other guy, and you dont feel bad. Until you go years without talking to the OM, we are going to believe he is still in the picture. Maybe you need to split from your bf for a while and live life single. Yes there are people out there who can cheat and justify it in there own heads. But ask yourself if this is something someone should do to someone they love.

[nittanylion]

MissTing, calling someone who cheats a cheater is not a attack. Calling someone who is remorseless, remorseless is not attack. Telling someone they need to come clean is not a attack. Not buying into bs reasons for inexcusable behavior is not a attack. But, writing off what she did as human behavior is enabling it. Telling others to be nice to someone who has potentially put herself and others at risk of a std is enabling it. You make it seem like this was a mistake when it wasnt. She planned this out by staying in touch with this guy and then meeting up with him on more than on occation. She would still be doing but you want us to believe this will never happen again. She is using her bf and for some reason you want everyone here to tell her that its ok, and its just apart of life. Your actions define a person. Someone who steals is a thief, someone who kills is a murderer, and someone who cheats is a cheater. You can sugar coat it if you want but it is what it is.

 

 

I am totally agree with you. No one accuses her of a crime. I(We) simply want her to come clean and be straight up with her bf. If this is prolong, it will not be a healthy relationship. It will become an deceiveful relationship. She came to this forum for advises, and we gave her good advices. She dont like what she heard, and start name calling people who dont fit her agenda. Sad but true.

[BlackLace]

I have seen it before. People can learn from observation.

 

Does this rule also apply to learning MMA or becoming a ninja? Can i learn from observation?

 

Did it ever cross your mind that you're wrong? Did it ever cross your mind that I don't need to be swimming in a pool of tears to feel remorse? I never said i'm not remorseful, i just simply don't regret it. Those are two very different things....I feel bad for what I have done but I would not want to change my experience.

 

The OM is NOT in the picture, nor will he be if he tries to contact me.

[lkjh]

He hasn't been in the picture for how long? 5 minutes? When you started this thread you clearly stated that you still talk to him. Just because you say it now does not mean it will hold up. Yes it has crossed my mind that I am wrong, but honestly do you really think that all of these people are wrong and you are right. Our biggest problems in life stem from the fact that we dont see our own flaws. On a side not, yes you can learn to do these things(mma and ninja) to a certain degree by observstion. Look you are human and messed up but the problem is the fact that you refuse to do whats right. No you are not remorseful, you said it yourself. You said you are not feeling guilty. He(the OM) had to dump you, even though he gave you a bs reason. Im sorry but if you dont regret it you are not remorseful. But hey the only thing that matters is you, right? Who cares about your bf. He is just here to satisfy your needs and wants.

[lkjh]

I am totally agree with you. No one accuses her of a crime. I(We) simply want her to come clean and be straight up with her bf. If this is prolong, it will not be a healthy relationship. It will become an deceiveful relationship. She came to this forum for advises, and we gave her good advices. She dont like what she heard, and start name calling people who dont fit her agenda. Sad but true.

 

Unfortunately, she is just one of those people who needs to touch the stove in order to believe its hot.

[nittanylion]

Unfortunately, she is just one of those people who needs to touch the stove in order to believe its hot.

 

Burn to hell! Ungrateful B itch. Sight..... just kidding.

[BlackLace]

She dont like what she heard, and start name calling people who dont fit her agenda. Sad but true.

 

I started name calling?!? Okay here's what i've had to endure up until today:

 

-Let this be a lessen to all the fathers out there that don't spend quality time with their daughters

-serial cheater in the making

-End this before you really mess up your life and the poor SOB you marry

-it's time to let many men plant their seeds in you

-you don't have a heart, all you have is a dark empty void in your chest

-She has no character!

-she's sad and pathetic

-need to grow up, grow a conscience

-low as pond scum

-Burn to hell! Ungrateful B itch

 

Thanks guys.

 

PS - I haven't seen/talked to OM since I basically started this post. I only saw him on VERY few occassions. I can count them all on one hand without using all five fingers.

[lkjh]

I think he was talking about MissTing in his post. He was responding to my post directed at her. Who knows maybe you will never talk to the OM but keep in mind its only been a week in a half. You said it yourself, you only see him on few occasions. Yet you were sleeping with him. We see a lot of people here going no contact with the OM/OW for months. Then one day it all starts again. The burn in hell, the pond scum, and the one about the father is overboard. Maybe you are a good person but after reading your responses are you really shocked people think this about you. It may hurt but try an see why people think this of you.

 

 

Well you really aren't going to come clean and you may end up marrying your bf one day. So I guess there is no reason to post here. I know you think Im being mean but I was really trying to give you advice that could help. It may not be what you wanted to hear but keep in mind that doing the right thing is always hard. Ignoring a problem does not solve. I really hope that at the very least you and your bf take a few months apart so you can think.

[hunkahunkaburninlove]

"I looked down on cheaters with anger and never understood why they'd be in a relationship if they're cheating. My bf was my first and only......"

 

Remember this from your first post?

 

After everything is said and done. You have compromised yourself. My question is, what if your boyfriend cheats again, like you say he has? Will you confront him about it? Or will you have for all intense purposes an open relationship? You never address my posts to you anymore. Don't you think you lost anything by cheating with this guy?

 

Why don't you read your first posts over again. Look how your point of view changed (at least somewhat) There is all kinds of advice here. Some you like, some you don't. You questioned whether you could do the whole "till death do us part" Thing. What has convinced you that now, you will be able to do this? My point is, this is not going to get easier. I don't think the confused girl who posted here at the beginning has changed. You have basically dug your heals in and said that you will force yourself to love your boyfriend. You have accepted behaviors from him and yourself that will be the basis for your future together.....deceit. Do you think that's a basis for a strong marriage that will make it to "till death do we part". As I wrote before, this will effect how you look at your marriage and your ability to love your spouse. You will value your marriage less and the vows you take. When you stand before the minister and he asks you

 

"Wilt you love him, comfort him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as you both shall live?

 

You will not be thinking of the future you will be thinking about the past. Because as hard as you try. Your mind, and his will think how you cheated on each other. And your vows will be tainted. Not because you cheated. But because you will stand before God with a secret between you. You may be able to brush this off during the busyness of the wedding planning. But when you stand there. You will ask yourself. "How can I say I will to this question, when I couldn't before we were married." Your first years of marriage will be tough enough (every bodies is). At those lows you will look at him with bitterness because of his cheating, And you will look at yourself maybe not with guilt, but with a callousness towards him. And you will think at these angry times "ha' well I cheated too. Only you'll never know it". So continue on with your plans. But don't think that there was/is not a cost to your future love and happiness because of this. If I was harsh, it was to try and make you think and reconcile what happened. I really do wish you the best.

[Rollercoasterr]

Oh geez, she's fed up kids. Time to pack up and run away because now that she's got her "big girl pants" on, we're all in big big trouble.

 

Seriously, you think you're being mature? A mature person would admit when she's wrong, fess up, and do the RIGHT thing. You're not telling your boyfriend because you're hoping that someday the OM will come back because HE was the one that ended things. Not you. If you had your way, you would have never thought about ending things with him. So how can you say that you just want to put it behind you and please your boyfriend when all you've done is want everyone here to tell you that it's okay to hide this terrible, terrible secret from him? We're not going to tell you what you want to hear, so get over it, and move on. Put your secret in your little dark closet and walk away, because 90% of us are NOT going to back you up.

 

And you have no idea what some of us have done or been through. Just because we're not condoning it and giving you a pat on the back for coming to an online forum to confess what you've done, does NOT mean that we've never been touched by cheating. I've been cheated on in the past, like many others on this forum, my mother cheated on my father for years with a married man before they were divorced, and I've never forgotten either of them. Just because I've never cheated does not mean I'm a better person than you. The fact that you're acting like such a little child about doing the right thing in this situation makes you that "pond scum". Would you want your boyfriend to go sleep with someone again, and you never find out about it? Would you want him to keep contact with her? No you wouldn't.

 

And please, sweetness, before you start your "I'm mature" speech again, make sure you're really acting like it. No one likes a liar.

[amymarieca]

Tell your next boyfriend this. He will be happy to know that if he ever messes up you will just cheat and not regret it.

 

As long as my next boyfriend doesn't cheat on me with my best friend (who is a guy by the way) or tell me I am too fat to get married to him, then he's good to go.

[Bostongirl]

Do you have a conscience? Enjoy being married to someone on the basis of a lie.

 

You need to end it. Basically... you say you love him, but you've screwed BOTH of yourselves over. Stop dragging it out.

[Ramrod]

SHE'S NOT BEING HONEST WITH HERSELF!

 

She has no proof the BF ever cheated. She KNOWS she CHEATED! She's going to wait until the poor guy is one step away from putting the ring on her finger to tell him she's been cheating all of this time. She's going to punsidh for crimes which she may just now be beginning to realize NEVER occurred. Am I right?

[Green]

you need to leave him your setting yourself up for big trouble