Snuggie54 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 My boyfriend of nearly two years has the tendency to ignore me whenever I express my concerns. He knows this can really upset me, yet he continues to do it. He even walks away from me (in some cases for weeks at a time) when he knows I'm sad or hurt by him "just sitting there" and not acknowledging me. In the past he would go away for weeks and not even tell me or try to contact me (to see if I'm OK or just cause I'm his gf), always made excuses why he was unable to do certain things like get in touch with me on my birthday or holidays and would never honor my concerns or feelings, just ignore them, by pretending he didn't "hear" them. He has ignored me for weeks at a time before, never sharing with me the actual reason why he is upset with me, it just reflects in his behavior. How can I change if he doesn't tell me what I've done wrong in his eyes? He just lets me guess... Well, recently, whenever he pulls this crap, instead of begging him to just talk to me and crying, I've gotten really snappy with him and said some things I wish I could take back-cause I'm so angry with him over the fact he continues to do this knowing full well how much it can upset me , and all he does is treat me like I don't exist,while all the while claiming to love me and being happy that I still want to be together. Whenever this happens I find I keep blaming myself for what he is doing and telling myself I shouldn't have gotten rude or snappy with him and its my fault he's ignoring me etc... I really don't get it. Why does he do this? How can I not feel so guilty for getting angry whenever he does this? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Erm.... excuse me.... but he is the one subscribing to a bullying, controlling attitude. Normally, 'Ignoring' is a classic means of bringing others into line, if behaviour or attitude is potentially explosive or unreasonable. But he has turned it into a fine weapon with which to hurt you, and THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! It would be fine and dandy if it also entailed discussion, communication and a meeting of minds and conclusion to the episode, then you would have closure to that particular incident and move on. But you don't. He manipulates you and pulls all the strings, calls all the shots and treats you very shabbily. This is not constructive, communicative or helpful behaviour. It is domineering, rude, controlling and passive-aggressive. I would normally advise you try to discuss this with him, but I think we both know what would happen. I hate to say it, but on the face of it, you have two choices: to put it bluntly - Either stay, and always expect more of the same, for good, and put up with it - or Go. And I do mean, "Go." Leave. Eliminate all or any attempts on your part to ever get in touch with him again, and start dating someone with a bit more maturity, kindness and consideration. let me tell you, I'm positive: This guy DOES NOT LOVE YOU. But he thinks he owns you. Show him he's terribly, terribly wrong. I repeat, you do not need to bear any guilt in this whatsoever. YOU have done nothing wrong. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I agree with G. So he loves you...but when your sad and upset, he ignores you? Then he doesn't love you. He needs someone to control. It probably feeds his ego that he upsets you. This man quite honestly, frightens me. I would actually in this case, not even break up with him, just IGNORE him and then he'll get the message! But I really wouldn't be with this man. Link to post Share on other sites
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