fantasies

[JW]

I have a question for anyone who can help. My boyfriend of a little more than a year recently told me that he has sexual fantasies about other women besides me and sometimes more than one person at a time. He says he does it only cause he's curious and that he would never want to actually do it, but aren't fantasies things that you really want to do but something is preventing you from doing it(ie. me)? Is there something wrong with this, cause I'm having a problem with him thinking about other women in this way especially since he's told me that they are people he knows. Please help!!

[Jesaco]

I have a question for anyone who can help. My boyfriend of a little more than a year recently told me that he has sexual fantasies about other women besides me and sometimes more than one person at a time. He says he does it only cause he's curious and that he would never want to actually do it, but aren't fantasies things that you really want to do but something is preventing you from doing it(ie. me)? Is there something wrong with this, cause I'm having a problem with him thinking about other women in this way especially since he's told me that they are people he knows. Please help!!

Hi!

 

Men fantasize differently than women do. Basically, they fantasize about things that in their eyes are "unreachable". The fantasy itself is what makes them feel good. And if those fantasies were acted out, then they wouldn't be fantasies anymore, they would be real. So they would have to come up with something else to fantasize about.

 

Women tend to fantasize about things that they really do want to happen. The fantasy isn't what makes them feel good, the acting on it does. It's more like wishing something would come true.

 

Another thing is women tend to have emotional ties with their fantasies, and men tend to have fantasies that only involve physical things, where emotions have nothing to do with it.

 

I hope this explains things a little better. And also know that his fantasies have nothing to do with how he feels about you. He could fantasize about a wild orgy, with no intent to actually be involved in one. It's just something "fun' for him to think about.

[Sula]

Fantasies aren't something to be frightened of. I think you probably won't realte to this, but I have had fantasies about threesomes myself. They aren't something I would ever do in reality because I know the consequences of doing that would be bad, but it's soemthing I enjoy simply fantasizing about.

 

I've told my fiance about this and he seems fine with it.

 

The thing is that men are very visual when it comes to sexual arousal, while most women (me not included) are more emotional about sex. It really is ture that men and women speak different languages.

 

In the end, it is better not to judge your partner, since that is the least that you expect from him. Although you might never really be comfortable with the idea, try at least to allow him the freedom to fantasize. He has said that he won't act on his fantasies and that's the right thing for him to say to you.

 

Just relax and go with the flow.