Worst Way To Be Cheated On

[cummins_powered]

Hello, I am new to these forums. I’ve been brought into a very awkward situation involuntarily, and wanted to share my story and to see what I should do, and what people think about this ordeal I’ve been unexpectedly pulled into, hopefully I’m posting in the correct forum. Here it goes:

 

 

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and 11 months. During this time I’ve been the only one working for the most part, 50-60 hours every week, while she is allowed to do whatever she pleases for the most part, and has taken very good care of me as well. This girl has always had 150% of my trust, and I would do anything for her. We plan on getting married and having kids in the future. I could go on and on but just giving a few basics. This past weekend we had a few friends over and were having a couple drinks when out of the blue she tells me she had sex with another guy exactly a week prior. So I dug a little deeper and got all the details down and pieced the puzzle together, here’s how it goes: I had gotten off work one night, and we have recently acquired 2 female roommates and they had some friends over, all guy friends ofcourse, none of which I had met before. Everyone was drinking including my girlfriend for about 4 hours prior to me coming home, which was fine with me, didn’t bother me one bit being that I couldn’t possibly give her any more of my trust, she has it all. So I had showered up and went upstairs to meet everyone and have a couple drinks with them. Everyone was having a good time when I noticed one of the guys I had been talking with disappeared, I asked where he had went and everyone said he passed out. Obviously I was in heavy conversation with everyone, 5-6 new people, and didn’t notice my girlfriend was gone either. Here she was about 25 ft away in the next room having sex with this guy, while I was sitting at the kitchen table talking with everyone. Shortly after I had went to bed fully unaware of anything that had taken place that night until a week later when she admitted everything to me. She could have just not told me and may have gotten away with it, but this girl has never done anything wrong to me, and I’ve given her all my trust. But what now? Now I can’t even trust her when we’re in the same room together? I can’t have a relationship if I cannot fully trust her. But we have such a great relationship and have been working at it nearly 3 years. Should I allow her a slipup, give her another chance, and see if things work themselves out? Or is this one of those completely unforgiveable things? I also don’t want to become possessive and controlling because of this, I still want to trust her. I’m torn, because I’ve never once cheated on her and always treated her very well, and have done nothing to deserve this. She’s apologized over and over and regrets it, but at the same time seems to act like it's no big deal. If anything's missing let me know. I’m looking for some advice. Thanks.

[Adri Ana]

There are two options :

 

1 - She had felt some real sympathy for him

and had sex.

Its unforgivable in a relationship,

though you may forgive because your relationship is so great as you tell,

but its unforgivable ,it lacks faith and you wont be able to trust her any more . It will never be same sweet partnership as was.

 

2 - She felt an acute sexual excitement over that guy and gave in.

But it is also unforgivable,

as this shows she is so stupid .

You do not need such lightminded and silly gf,dear.

 

Sexual excitement comes and goes,

it appears like a bomb blast and needs and demands from us

to do something to comfort ourselves,

but that REALLY does NOT say that we have to have sex like cats in the yard with any other guy/woman . Phewww..Its so low !!

 

 

_______

I would think some much time now ,

if it is worth to maintain this relationship .

If she cared you,she would not do that what she had done ..

[carhill]

Hi, and welcome. Are you a professional OTR driver? I have some friends in the business. Really long hours. People think it's easy, sitting in a truck all day....wrong.

 

Anyway, your issue....

 

Gross breach of trust. I have a hard time believing it was her "first time". I mean, think about it, the thought processes that go into letting another man inside you while your SO is in the next room. I can't fathom that being new to her.

 

She needs a nice vacation, along with the "roommates".

 

Sanitize the house after they're gone.

[Geishawhelk]

If she's using the "I was drunk at the time, i didn't know what I was doing" excuse - it's BS.

If she remembers it now, she remembered it then. And knew exactly what she was doing.

carhill's got a pretty good angle on it, but I would add that it's importsnt to also change the locks.

 

make sure she's on the outside first, though.

 

Unbelievable.

You're in the next room...?

 

Unbelievable.

 

definitely not the first time.

[Bryanp]

This is absolutely unbelievable what she did to you.

1) She apparently had unprotected sex with a guy she just met.

2) She screws this guy in your home you share with her.

3) She screws him knowing that you are in the next room 25 feet away. She clearly was getting off on the excitement of screwing another man in your home while you are standing their 25 feet away.

 

She showed absolute totally disrespect for you and your relationship. What would you have done if you caught them? She showed absolute utter contempt for you and clearly was getting off screwing another man right under your nose. She does not tell you for a week which means she also put your health at risk for STD's.

 

I think you would be out of your mind to stay in this relationship. What she did is unforgivable. She literally defacated on your relationship in your home while you were right in the next room. Only a person with a broken moral compass would do such a thing and make a complete fool out of her boyfriend. I also would question whether she has done this before since you work so much and she does not have to do anything.

 

I would not give her great credit for telling you also. I have a hunch the chances were pretty good that somebody was going to tell you what was going on soon since there were a lot of people who knew. You will look pathetic keeping her as your girlfriend. You say she acts like it was no big deal which implies she has done something like this previously.

 

I am sorry my friend but you have been used and made to look like a total fool. She got off humiliating you in the absolute worst way. There is something terribly broken about her. It is time for you to move on. I sincerely doubt if the roles were reversed she would have been so accepting. Her actions indicate she clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? If you give her another chance then you will be even a bigger fool that she clearly thought you were by her actions.

[BikerBeagle]

Unforgivable ...even if it was her first and only time (I also doubt it was), the sheer lack of respect she's shown you and your shared space is unfathomable. If you let her get away with it now, she'll think (know) you will let her get away with it again ...and again ...and again.

 

It's time for your girlfriend to see the outside of your front door from a whole different perspective. (I'd keep the roommates, though, especially if they are hot. =P)

[cummins_powered]

There are two options :

 

1 - She had felt some real sympathy for him

and had sex.

Its unforgivable in a relationship,

though you may forgive because your relationship is so great as you tell,

but its unforgivable ,it lacks faith and you wont be able to trust her any more . It will never be same sweet partnership as was.

 

2 - She felt an acute sexual excitement over that guy and gave in.

But it is also unforgivable,

as this shows she is so stupid .

You do not need such lightminded and silly gf,dear.

 

Sexual excitement comes and goes,

it appears like a bomb blast and needs and demands from us

to do something to comfort ourselves,

but that REALLY does NOT say that we have to have sex like cats in the yard with any other guy/woman . Phewww..Its so low !!

 

 

_______

I would think some much time now ,

if it is worth to maintain this relationship .

If she cared you,she would not do that what she had done ..

 

I totally agree with you and you have an EXCELLENT point. She is extremely lightminded and there is really no excuse, thank you for you time I appreciate it. And is totally unforgiveable in my mind as well.

 

Hi, and welcome. Are you a professional OTR driver? I have some friends in the business. Really long hours. People think it's easy, sitting in a truck all day....wrong.

 

Anyway, your issue....

 

Gross breach of trust. I have a hard time believing it was her "first time". I mean, think about it, the thought processes that go into letting another man inside you while your SO is in the next room. I can't fathom that being new to her.

 

She needs a nice vacation, along with the "roommates".

 

Sanitize the house after they're gone.

 

Lol great post. I as well have a hard time believing it was her first time as well. But she swears up and down it was her first time. Maybe maybe not, I'll never know for sure, especially when I'm working all the time and she's at home, now she has a descent job but still. No I'm not an OTR driver but do have my CDL, I'm a welder and soon-to-be pipe welder travelling around on the road. How am I supposed to trust her when I'm on the road? It'll be nearly impossible in my eyes. Thank you very much for your post and your time.

 

If she's using the "I was drunk at the time, i didn't know what I was doing" excuse - it's BS.

If she remembers it now, she remembered it then. And knew exactly what she was doing.

carhill's got a pretty good angle on it, but I would add that it's importsnt to also change the locks.

 

make sure she's on the outside first, though.

 

Unbelievable.

You're in the next room...?

 

Unbelievable.

 

definitely not the first time.

 

Nope, she tried using that line the first time and I said we'll talk about it when we're both sober the next day. I made her give me a step by step walkthought of the entire scenario and all the little details, including the next morning she gave him a ride home when she was sober and I was sleeping, with my car, because he doesn't have a car, too many DUI's, no licence, and he still sits in the bar every chance he gets. It's quite unbelievbeable and unfathomable. I've known this girl nearly my whole life, and in the past she has always told her ex-boyfriends right away when she's cheated on them, but still, the thought will always linger, especially when i'm on the road.

 

Thank you everyone for your posts and your time, it's much appreciated and would appreciate anything else that comes to mind. Thanks again.

[mr.dream merchant]

I totally agree with you and you have an EXCELLENT point. She is extremely lightminded and there is really no excuse, thank you for you time I appreciate it. And is totally unforgiveable in my mind as well.

 

 

 

Lol great post. I as well have a hard time believing it was her first time as well. But she swears up and down it was her first time. Maybe maybe not, I'll never know for sure, especially when I'm working all the time and she's at home, now she has a descent job but still. No I'm not an OTR driver but do have my CDL, I'm a welder and soon-to-be pipe welder travelling around on the road. How am I supposed to trust her when I'm on the road? It'll be nearly impossible in my eyes. Thank you very much for your post and your time.

 

 

 

Nope, she tried using that line the first time and I said we'll talk about it when we're both sober the next day. I made her give me a step by step walkthought of the entire scenario and all the little details, including the next morning she gave him a ride home when she was sober and I was sleeping, with my car, because he doesn't have a car, too many DUI's, no licence, and he still sits in the bar every chance he gets. It's quite unbelievbeable and unfathomable. I've known this girl nearly my whole life, and in the past she has always told her ex-boyfriends right away when she's cheated on them, but still, the thought will always linger, especially when i'm on the road.

 

Thank you everyone for your posts and your time, it's much appreciated and would appreciate anything else that comes to mind. Thanks again.

 

She has a history of cheating? I hate to break it to you but why even put up with this? Why go through with this? When she told you about cheating on her past BF's you should've payed attention to that. Its okay to judge people on their past, and this is an excellent example of why the past does matter to your current relationship. People's actions in their past are a good hint of their current character. Get rid of this "GF" or whatever you want to call her Cummins. She's no good for you or any other respectable male for that matter.

[Bryanp]

Just read your last message. You said in the past she has always told her ex boyfriends immediately when she had cheated. Your girlfriend is a serial cheater. Do you really need to have a piano to fall on your head to understand what type of girlfriend you have? Who could respect someone who could forgive something like this? Your description of this guy makes it essential that you both get tested for STD's. Are you seriously willing to accept such utter comtemp in a relationship?

[cummins_powered]

This is absolutely unbelievable what she did to you.

1) She apparently had unprotected sex with a guy she just met.

2) She screws this guy in your home you share with her.

3) She screws him knowing that you are in the next room 25 feet away. She clearly was getting off on the excitement of screwing another man in your home while you are standing their 25 feet away.

 

She showed absolute totally disrespect for you and your relationship. What would you have done if you caught them? She showed absolute utter contempt for you and clearly was getting off screwing another man right under your nose. She does not tell you for a week which means she also put your health at risk for STD's.

 

I think you would be out of your mind to stay in this relationship. What she did is unforgivable. She literally defacated on your relationship in your home while you were right in the next room. Only a person with a broken moral compass would do such a thing and make a complete fool out of her boyfriend. I also would question whether she has done this before since you work so much and she does not have to do anything.

 

I would not give her great credit for telling you also. I have a hunch the chances were pretty good that somebody was going to tell you what was going on soon since there were a lot of people who knew. You will look pathetic keeping her as your girlfriend. You say she acts like it was no big deal which implies she has done something like this previously.

 

I am sorry my friend but you have been used and made to look like a total fool. She got off humiliating you in the absolute worst way. There is something terribly broken about her. It is time for you to move on. I sincerely doubt if the roles were reversed she would have been so accepting. Her actions indicate she clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? If you give her another chance then you will be even a bigger fool that she clearly thought you were by her actions.

 

This is nearly word for word what i told her when i chewed her out about this, you hit the nail right on the head.

 

If i would have caught them? Not pretty, I'll leave out what i would have done at the first instance, but he would have been thrown outside with no coat in the 20 below weather we have here in northern MN, with no car and no phone, and left to fend for himself, there would have been no remorse, he could have went to the neightbors

 

For me sort of being in limbo considering taking her back i feel like a fool, disrespecting myself, and I'm sure someone would have broke the egg sooner or later, never fails.

 

And the unprotected sex thing, exactly! She swears she used a condom, but the chances of that are slim to NONE. I even remember we were out of condoms at that time, and at an impulse kind of sex that situation was, they couldn't have possibly used one. That was the other thing that really irked me.

 

I'm running a bit short on time here and have to goto to work otherwise i would have posted much more thoroughly. I really appreciate your comment, thankyou. Anything else is much appreciated.

[carhill]

I've known this girl nearly my whole life, and in the past she has always told her ex-boyfriends right away when she's cheated on them, but still, the thought will always linger, especially when i'm on the road.

OK, this is really good information. You can grow from this. I did. A woman with a pattern of cheating will remain a slave to that pattern her entire life unless she voluntarily seeks out psychological help. I would implore you, whenever you have such knowledge about a potential partner, to give it substantial weight in your decision to enter into an intimate relationship with her.

 

Thank you everyone for your posts and your time, it's much appreciated and would appreciate anything else that comes to mind. Thanks again.

You're welcome and you have my sympathies. I hope you'll keep us posted on your progress. One final thought. You mentioned 150% trust. I think trust is a good thing. Don't lose that quality. It will serve you in good stead in life. Experience will help you direct it. This was a great experience

 

Hey, good luck with the welding gig. I build hydraulic cylinders for a living (own the shop) and have been welding since I was a child, about 40 years now. Great way to be creative. Share it with the right woman

[hunkahunkaburninlove]

Alcohol does not make you do anything. It only reduces your inhibitions enough so that you will do what she wanted to do anyway. She is a serial cheater and cheat on you again and again and again. She screwed a guy in the next room. She is a complete tramp. And will cause you nothing but pain. As she has already done. She will tear your heart out eat it in front of you and then ask you to forgive her. Run, run, as fast as you can.

[BlackLace]

UNFORGIVABLE!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!

 

I'm no saint but cheating on your significant other while their in the NEXT ROOM is beyond my comprehension. She's using you. You work, bring home the money, while she's screwing the roommates friend next door?? She must think you're some sort of idiot.

 

Wow dude, that was something else.

[mark982]

she had sex 25 feet away from you! buddy this wasn't the first times she's cheated. she's grown comfortable w/ cheating that's why it was so easy to do when you're so close

[lkjh]

Dude just run!!!

 

Blacklace, are you the kettle or the pot. At least his gf admits her wrongs.

[samsungxoxo]

Wow she even had a history of cheating on her ex's, like another poster say run......... At least she told ya on time what she was like, now it's your choice if you wanna keep up with it and worry about catching a disease, also make sure you buy a new bed, ewwwwwww:sick:. It's sick that she would still do it knowing that you were still in there, just 25 feet away and would have catch them in the act if you had walk in on them.

[Bryanp]

I think the previous poster Mark nailed it. The fact that she could have sex with another man 25 feet from you in your home indicates that she simply has become so comfortable in cheating on you that to her it was simply not that big of a deal. Are you going to wait until you get an STD? Do you honestly think that anyone including your girlfriend could ever respect a man that would accept this behavior? She is treating you like a doormat. The fact that you could even consider forgiving her is so sad. Nobody and I mean nobody respects a doormat. Surely my friend you don't have to settle for this. You deserve better than getting leftovers from a girlfriend while you are paying all the bills and she does not have to work.

[cummins_powered]

Thanks everyone for the comments. I will keep everyone posted. For now I'm letting this all soak in, and preparing myself for the worst I plan on leaving one weekend in hopes of catching her fooling around. I've got a few voice activated digital recorders stuck around the house, as well as a keylogger on the computer, so i'll see if that leads me anywhere when I leave for the weekend to visit my family.

[JennaGennaro]

Oh cummins, why are you putting yourself through this? Why do you need physical evidence unless it is something you want to keep so you never make that mistake again?

 

Just cut and run. You have been through ENOUGH! Like the other posters said, change the locks, get a new bed, disinfect. Go the doctor and make sure you don't have any STDs. I've been cheated on and I know what it is like. It hurts, but the more you drag it on, the worse it gets. She thinks you have taken her back, so pull the rug out from under her and dump her. If you catch her cheating again, she is just going to do her best to "apologize" and get you to take her back.

 

Get on with your life. You sound like too nice of a guy to put up with this. There ARE nice women out there, you just have to wait for her.

[hunkahunkaburninlove]

There is one thing you will be able to hear how she feels about what she has done when she talks to her friends. See if there is any contrition at all, or if she's a sociopath. But I also think Jenna is right.

[Trialbyfire]

R E S P E C T!

 

Give her nothing but the bird and a kick in the ass to the curb!

[Bryanp]

What possible justification is their for your girlfriend screwing another man 25 feet from you in your home under your nose while you are talking to other people? I am sorry to say that the fact that you could even possibly forgive her for this says a great deal about your own lack of respect and self-worth.

[Asami]

If she's using the "I was drunk at the time, i didn't know what I was doing" excuse - it's BS.

If she remembers it now, she remembered it then. And knew exactly what she was doing.

carhill's got a pretty good angle on it, but I would add that it's importsnt to also change the locks.

 

make sure she's on the outside first, though.

 

Unbelievable.

You're in the next room...?

 

Unbelievable.

 

definitely not the first time.

 

uh yeah ... this chick was serious issues! please get rid of her fast! she's ugh oh and do yourself a favour get tested for STD's and know knows if this is the only guy she's done that too..

[SushiX]

A relationship is never the same after someone cheats. You can forgive them but you'll never forget what happened. It will come up when you guys argue. I have a feeling this isnt the first time she cheated on you. Save yourself all the heartaches. Run far far away now.

[confuseddd]

RUUUNNNN FORREST, RRUUUUUNNNNN!

 

What other proof do you need man? Don't take it personally. YOU didn't do anything! You were not the cause of what she did. SHE has the problems not you. You cannot do anything for her. Anyone who would do what she did WHERE she did it, has serious problems!

 

PLEASE DONT TAKE HER BACK! CUT HER LOOSE!

 

You CANNOT disrespect yourself this way. You will NEVER be able to trust her again.