I am suffering

[kittygogogo]

My best friend is the man that I love. He knows that I love him and I know that he loves me too (told me MANY times), but can't and won't date me. He is getting out of a marriage that was wrong and awful, but must remain in it for a few more months for a green card. He doesn't live with her and she left him abruptly for someone else. He has been through a lot of pain with her and she has done a number on his psyche.

 

We met after all this and had an extremely confusing, tumultuous and draining relationship. When we first met, we spent every minute with each other. I slept at this house, but we didn't have sex until months and months later. We stopped because he didn't want to hurt me, but the lack of sex is not as hurtful as the lack of desire to want to be with me. He has told me that he doesn't want a relationship with me, but I have refused to see this and instead have believed his actions and not his words. He is the king of mixed-messages. In a lot of ways we are soul-mates. We can tell each other everything, we understand each other and he is the person who I would love to spend all my time with. Yet, his dream is to marry someone who hasn't been born yet (this is what he told me today, his wife hasn't been born yet - he's mid-30s - ha, ha). I got upset with this statement and told him that life is too short to wait for something that will probably never happen.

 

I am being torn apart by him. He plays games with my head, mostly because he is confused himself. He has been cruel to me, cutting me down and confusing me. I understand that this is his way of pushing me away. I know that he is not doing me any good. My self-esteem has suffered. I do love hi, we do have a lot in common and believe that if I would have met him before this wife broke him down things would be different. This knowledge tears me apart and I blame his ex for "ruining" him before me.

 

I guess I am not really asking for advice as much as I am venting. I know that we aren't going to be together because he doesn't want me. Everyone tells me that I deserve better, but isn't that easier said than done??? It makes me feel pathetic when people say this to me even though I know they think they are helping. If I had someone who wanted me who is better, I would be with this person. I know how hard it is for me to find someone because this is the first time I have fallen in love in 20 years.

 

I have done the non-contact route already and it hurt me so much to lose my best friend. He really is the only person that I can truly let my hair down with and I know that he listens to me. The fact is that he doesn't really care about me though. I guess it just helps to write this down, even though now I am more depressed than ever. I don't understand why he would rather lose me, his best friend, than try to work things out with me. I feel second-class and unworthy of finding anyone if I can't even get my best friend to see my good qualities. I am having a pity party, but I would rather have one with supportive strangers, than sick of hearing about it, well-meaning friends. Thanks for listening.

[Adri Ana]

If he is your best friend and if you are so well together ,

then ...maybe it is juzz your dream ? and you are imagining things ?

 

No normal person being a best friend will make u feel low,

will make u lose your self esteem ,will make u suffer,dear .

 

And u say "the best friend" ...

 

Look out of your rosy goggles .

[JennaGennaro]

"Everyone tells me that I deserve better, but isn't that easier said than done???"

 

YES! And my family and friends said the same thing to me when my first love cheated on me for the last six months we were together and then vanished without a trace with the other girl. They also told me "if it is meant to be, it will be."

 

They are all cliches, and nice things to say to someone in pain. The reality is that you are responsible for your own happiness.

 

Do yourself a favor, get away from this guy. Rent some movies, eat your favorite foods, get together with friends and family, etc. Have a good cry and get it out. When I was dumped, I cried for an entire week, didn't eat, and ended up losing 10 pounds in one week. I felt like crap, but by the end of that week, I was ready to face the world again. I remember watching UNTAMED HEART every night. Though the movie was bittersweet, it was very romantic and reminded me that there are good guys out there. It took me a few years to find Mr. Right, but we have been together for almost 11 years. What also helped me was to take a second job (I was out of school) in another town about 30 miles away to get me away from everything that reminded me of him and to meet some new people. There really is nothing like meeting new people to make you forget about someone!!

 

You will find your Mr. Right too, but you have to be available for him. Pining away for this so-called best friend is not going to do it. It's tough, but once you pull away and start to heal, you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.