pinkelephant Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 How do you deal with mentally and emotionally exhausting friends? I try to be a good friend and listen to people's problems but I'm beginning to feel weighed down by other people's drama and issues. I try my best not to judge people, but a few of my friends continually make poor choices when it comes to relationships, work, school etc. I know I'm not perfect but they tend to royally screw up their own lives by making very bad decisions. Does anyone else have this problem? I don't want to 'drop' my friends but it's getting to the point where our conversations just consist of them going on and on about their problems. I'm sick of negativity and listening to typical girl issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 By trying to be a good friend and listening to their problems, you have effectively become a whipping post and a good watering hole for emotional Vampires. Now, because you're strong and positive, they want a piece of you. There is an extremely effective way to throw them off, and prevent further draining of your strength. But you have to want to do it, and follow through. You'll risk losing some friends, but they'll be the flaky losers, and worth ditching...... Be a positive mirror. Every time they say something negative to you about their lives, reply with something vibrantly positive about yours... "Oh damn, I'm so depressed, my roses are covered in greenfly, and they've got mildew...." "Really!? Mine are wonderful, and have won prizes in the local garden competition! Coffee....?" "I'm so cross! I bought a new jumper from deh-de-deh, and it shrank in the wash!" "Really!? I bought a similar jumper, and mine washes just fine! Did you see that programme last night, on.....?" Whatever they come at you with, jump back with a 'whoopee' about yourself! Then change the subject. Goodness me, trust me, it works every time! Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I try to be a good friend and listen to people's problems I think that's part of the problem. As Geishawhelk says, opening yourself up and just listening to your friends puts you into the position of being the one person who they feel 'understands' them. What I would also do in addition to what Geishawhelk has suggested is to prompt THEM to find their own solutions. Make statements such as, 'okay, this is the fifth time you have told me about this issue with your partner/work/school etc and whilst I don't mind listening, you can't continue with this stress in your life. What can you do about it...? What are you doing to get yourself out of this hole...?' Some people won't like you for questioning them. Other people will find it intrusive when you push them out of their comfort zone and make them think. For you, you simply need to be strong, logical and straight forward with them. When you enable people to be more proactive about their lives... then you can work out who is simply wallowing in their misfortune and those who were simply in a hole and didn't know where to start. The latter will probably turn out to remain friends whilst the former are more likely to look elsewhere for someone to listen to their woes. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Sorted. NEXT - !! :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
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