Disrespected and used

[Lani01]

Hi just joined. My story is long put please take time to read I am in need of advice from any females or any males out there that can shead some light on my situation.

I am very traumatized and confused rite now. 11 months ago I met a man, we hit it off well, however he lied to me, he was married with a present preg wife and previous kids elsware from before this new wife. I found out 6 months into the

relationship, I was devasted, he is a decietful person that told outragous lies.

I had no clue cause he took me everywhere, especially to meet his mother and close friends (this woman did not tell me anything). His excuse was, his present wife was an "arrange" marrage and she tricked him, got preg for a reason to stay in the country, he did not love her and his family resented her. I tried to hold on for about a month but I could not, because of his original lies of not telling me about a wife and all these kids eleswhere. He also had a cell phone that was in my name.

 

We remained friends, but nothing intimate and I allowed him to use the phone as long as he paid the bill on time. a Month ago he refused to pay the present bill, it was about $300.00, he said he did not make the calls (what ever) so one night I got a print out and called a number he called numerous times throught out the days, It was his home, (the house he claimed he did not really live in) he answered, I told him he was a lier and I wanted no attachments to him. He was furious, his wife could have answered. The next day he brought a friend to my home to have me open the door and "shake" me up if I opened it. I did not. When felt they left I went to the Police station (this friend of his was a cop as well). I was advised by the police to cut the phone, I did. He was furious I did that, since then he refused to pay the bill. When I treatend to take him court he tries to soften me up and says he will pay, this game continued for the entire month.

 

He is also afriaid I tell his wife, he has threatend me and has come to my home to disrupt my family ( I live with my mother), he told her inapropriate things about me that was not true. He has also verbally abused me. I am slightly on the thick side but proprtioned. Early in the relationship he alkways admired my figure, curves breast and buttocks. Now I don't know who this man is, no man has EVER said things like this to me....He recently said things like: "Your fat" "my wife is preetier than you, she is slim with good hair", "who wants you?", " go look in a mirror", "You was nothing to me...etc

 

I feel used and violated. I gaved myself to this preditor that totally turned against me because I choose not to be with him. I also recently filled an order of protection on him. sorry for the long story I guess I can't talk to my friends about this (I told you so) I don' t want to to hear. why did he do this to me, He should have given me the opportunity and not deceive me... I would have told him go to hell if I knew he was married... He is trully a "rapist" and preditor.

Lani

[midori]

a bad situation to be sure. But I don't think the word "rapist" is appropriate -- that exclusively refers to someone who violently forces another person to engage in sexual intercourse. Not to get technical about it but it's good to be accurate with your terms.

 

I'm sorry you were deceived by this guy. I don't know what advice I can offer you. You ask why he did that to you, and you said he should have "given you the opportunity" -- I think you mean here the opportunity to know the truth about his situation? Well it seems obvious: he's a liar, and someone who was out to use an unsuspecting, generous woman like you.

 

What doesn't really make sense to me is why on earth you tried to remain "friends" with him after you discovered the truth. Who would want a friend like that? And why did you let him keep the phone? Surely you should have seen that, given his past record of deceit, he was untrustworthy.

 

If, as you say, this guy introduced you to his family and made it seem like you were a full part of his real life, I don't see how you can blame yourself for being deceived. How could you have known? But once you learned the truth you should have cut all ties with him.

 

Now you've lost $300.00. Which isn't great, but it could have been worse. If I were you I would pay the bill and chalk it up to lesson learned: neither a borrower nor a lender be. Especially when monthly statements are involved. Even if $300.00 is a lot of money for you (it is for me!) it will cost you less than the expense of taking him to court -- between fees and time, that would be expensive. And you would have to continue to be in some kind of contact with this awful, awful man.

 

I can see why you would want to get even with this guy. But would it really be worth it? Seems to me like your best move for yourself would be to put as much distance between you and him as possible. You don't want him harassing you. You want him to disappear completely from your life.

 

You can be sure that his life is a mess. Just be glad you didn't get more caught up in it. $300.00 is a relatively small price to pay to be rid of such a low, malicious person.

[Lani01]

I forgot to mention about a week ago I walked into a resturaunt I have been to in the past. appeartly his wife is newly emplyed there. As I saw her I was shocked and I walked out. She obviously know who I am now, so I guess she told

him "that woman came in today".

 

The next day he called and verbally abused me with more personal insults and treatend to "do me something" if I get in contact to his wife. He feels I went there for spite. But I honestly had no clue she was now employed there, He was the one that introduced me to the place months ago and she was never there of course. So, I was told by someone whom we both know, that he has been telling his wife I was a stalker and he had nothing intimate to do with me. That is how she may know who I am now. This is what has triggured the recent abusive turn of events.

 

Now the relationshiop with my Mother not the same and I have a court hearing to attend this week with him to deal with this order of protection against him.

[Lani01]

Thanks Medori for your advice well taken, however, there is such a thing as "emotional rapist" and rape in the sense of identity deceit. I don't mean to compare the two but it can leave similar unclean feeling. I did try to cut all ties but remember this person gave an "sad story out of this world" I was confused but I still made my distance.

 

This whole situation caused me $572.00 to pay the bill and terminate the contract. I am emotionally and financially wounded all I wanted was my money and closure... It went to far, I got more than I bargained for

[Tony T]

The split second you found out he lied about having a pregnant wife you should have gotten out of the picture. The stuff you write of is the stuff of The Jerry Springer Program and should not be a part of any human's life. The minute you find out that any person has deceived you to the extent this man did, just get away and get away fast.

 

Now, you need to get your court order and move on with your life. And if he calls you or comes around, call the police emergency number immediately. The guy is rotten to the core and you shouldn't allow him to screw your life up anymore than he has. Just have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with him anymore. It's over. I just hope you've learned a few things...just like we all have to at times.

[cindy0039]

Listen to Tony. His advice is right on.

[Terry]

The same thing happend to me, If only these married men would stop playing games. You were a victim. Only time will heel. I have been very cautious after that

happend to me. Sad