I thought we were just hanging out as friends .... owned :(

[RonZilla]

I thought I would share my experience Ive just had with this girl I've been seeing for several weeks.

 

OK so I've known this girl through a friend at '08 New Years party, but I've only started chatting to her on MSN in October 08. Each time we chatted on MSN I've always managed to make her laugh and stuff.

 

Then Xmas came along for a surprise I bought her a High School Musical Disney's collector items ( she loves this movie ) and of course a xmas card. I dropped them off in her mailbox before I went to work, she was so happy when she found out that presents was from me. On xmas 12am I txtd her " Dont worry if santa comes to your room and tries to put you in his sack , because all I wanted for xmas was you "

 

Then he asked me whether I wanna come along to watch that movie with several of her mates, I said "yeah sure". We set the day to be on friday but unfortunately she fell sick , I told her nicely to postponed the movie until she feel well and she agreed.

 

I asked her whats her illness and she told me she had flu and sore throat, so me being a nice guy I bought her medicine and gave it to her ( I'm sure normal friend wouldnt do this )

 

So friday came along I went to pick her up at her house but unfortunately her 2 other friends came along in my car, so I was like " thats cool ... "

To cut the story short after movie finished , she invited me to her house and I stayed there with my best friend for a while and left at midnight.

 

She walked me to my car and gave me a hug and said " thank u thank u " and I thought " that was cute ... "

Following week I managed to take her out to go shopping for presents for my best friend ( which is hers too ) and I shouted her dinner, everything went well. I dropped her off to her house , got out of my car and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek ( Im sure she wasnt expecting this )

 

I got home and txtd her " thank you for tonight , i had a great time with you , xx ". Then she replied " Thanku Thanku !!! Gudnyte .ps thank you agen". So I thought " well this going pretty good ... "

 

The following week I took her to go to dinner, we chatted a while since the movie that we wanted to watch was still over an hour away. So we shared an ice cream, everything went perfect we talked alot and laughed together. So we went to see the movie together and after movie finished I asked her if she wanted to go home or go for a quick drive in the city. She said she wanted go to for a cruise, so we went for a drive for a hour just listening to her favourite songs in the car and chatting.

 

I looked at her and she looked a bit tired so I told her that I'm going to drop her off now since she looked pretty tired.

Got to her house, I got out of my car and gave her a hug followed by a single rose and told her that I had a great night with her. She gave me a big warm hug. This is on Friday by the way

 

She told me that she was going away for holiday on Sunday. So on Saturday I txtd her " Hey xxxx hope u have a great time there, i'll see you again next week. Goodnight my gorgeous energizer bunny"

 

So i didnt get a reply, the following day I txtd her how was her holiday and asked her if she wanted to go out with me on the weekend. Didnt get a reply. Then suddenly after 10hours I got a reply from her from her friend's phone. " Hey its xxxx here. I ran out of credit on my phone. Hey I thought we were just mates hanging out, having good times. U've been realy nice to me and we had fun together. But im not ur energizer bunny... thats moving a bit too fast for me and in a direction that i dont wanna go in. Anyway you are a cool guy!!! Xx

 

My heart was shattered when I read that message and until now I didnt make any contact with her whatsoever. She initially told my friend that she wasnt looking for a relationship with anyone. But a week after she sent me that last txt, I found out that shes already dating someone else. I was so ****ed off when i found out.

 

So there you go I thought id share my bad experience with you guys. By the way went we went out I paid for everything dinner , movie , you name it. I dont care about the money it just that she really hurt my feeling for dating someone else when she said that she wasnt looking for a relationship with anyone to my friend.

 

Until now I still feel hurting and luckily my friends have been cheering me up everyday.

 

Thanks for reading

[ruggy]

Sorry dude. Though, it really did not sound like a two ended relationship from what you described. I do not think she saw you in that regard from the beginning.

[uRabbit]

Yup. Sounds like the appropriate response from her.

 

You went from 15 to 60 too quick. Basically, you went from a kiss on the cheek to calling her your 'gorgeous energizer bunny', in a matter of days. Too quick for her.

 

If she honestly was only looking for a friend in you, I'd stay away from girls like her. No woman of mine is going on dates with guys, getting kisses on the cheek, and what-not if she thinks they're just friends.

 

edit: When you don't know if it's a "friend date" or an "interest date", go half-sies on everything, money-wise.

[RonZilla]

I just couldnt believe that she took it seriously. Maybe if she have known me better she wouldve just took it as a joke but lesson learnt

[D-Lish]

I think it's pretty crappy of her to allow you to pay for everything. If it were me and I was only thinking "friend"... I'd be paying my own way. I think her doing that was leading you on.

 

I agree, stay away from girls like this.

[RonZilla]

I paid for everything because she doesnt have a job up until now, so her new man might gonna end up broke as well

But I'm not really worried bout the money just the fact that she lied for not wanting any relationships then next thing BANG I found out shes dating already

 

Ah well ....

[Charles1978]

Tell ya what Ron, cut things off, sit back and date other girls and see what happens. You came on too strong for sure. But chalk that up and move on. Chances are, she met someone else recently. Probably someone who challenged HER. Probably someone she was attracted to who seemed mysterious. An unknown commodity. You made yourself a sure thing to her. Problem is, she might not have been ready for a serious relationship. She probably wants to see what's out there and date around. So she probably saw you as the end game and she wasn't ready for it. Just go about your life and if she comes back, take it easy this time. Let her come to you, be playful and flirtatious. But don't smother her with all this royal treatment. Chances are she has moved on, but just take it as a learning experience.

[D-Lish]

I paid for everything because she doesnt have a job up until now, so her new man might gonna end up broke as well

But I'm not really worried bout the money just the fact that she lied for not wanting any relationships then next thing BANG I found out shes dating already

 

Ah well ....

 

Well, getting friend-zoned happens sometimes. I think you will feel better if you just don't talk to her or have contact with her right now.

 

If you have to run into her because you have mutual friends- never show her your cards. Just tell her "Hey, I thought you were a cool girl, I talk to all my female friends like that- sorry you got the wrong idea". It'll save face and knock her down a few pegs.

[RonZilla]

Thanks for the advice guys , I really appareciated it

 

I have not made any contact with her in anyway since I received that txt msg from her, and that has been like 3 weeks now

 

D-list : I will remember that line and I will use it if I ever see her again, thats a big IF

 

This experience has definetely taught me a lot

[prettybaby]

I'm confused: did YOU think you were just hanging out as friend, or did SHE think that (until the energizer bunny comment)?

 

You two have had the behavior and dynamics of a dating couple, so I'm a bit lost here

[RonZilla]

She think that we were hanging out as friends only

[prettybaby]

She think that we were hanging out as friends only

Uh, how old is she?

And why did you title this "I thought we were just hanging out as friends" if SHE's the one who thought that, not you? I'm still confused about your post. It doesn't make much sense.

 

Nobody with an ounce of maturity would have misinterpreted the situation. It was definitely dating. Although I'm not sure where your "energizer bunny" comment came from. Are we missing some background info about that?

[zenith]

I'm sorry to hear that, bro

 

but it seems like you are doing well!

 

keep it up (no contact) and see other women

[d0ll]

I think SHE was really wrong for leading you on like that & was just along for a free ride & attention, def. don't keep in contact with her, you seem like a sweet guy, some other girl would def. appreciate you.

[JohnnyBlaze]

I'm with PB in wondering where the energizer bunny comment came from, but other than that...yeah, you got conned. Sorry you had to go through that, Ron; it really sucks.

 

Once you get over the sting of it, then you can decide whether to go full NC or be friends. If you do decide to be just friends, be that: JUST friends. Treat her no differently than you would any of your guy friends. If she wants you to do something and you don't want to, say no. If she whines, tell her to stop being a baby. If you're hanging out and you have to leave because you have a date later on, say so. If you're out at a bar, either pay for your own drinks, or (to add insult to injury) buy the first round. Then, when the second round arrives, don't reach for your money. When she gives you that look, you openly tell her "I got the last round. This one's yours."

 

Well, you get the picture. Don't do her any favours. Favours are reserved for good friends only, and that ain't her.

[Charles1978]

Uh, how old is she?

And why did you title this "I thought we were just hanging out as friends" if SHE's the one who thought that, not you? I'm still confused about your post. It doesn't make much sense.

 

Nobody with an ounce of maturity would have misinterpreted the situation. It was definitely dating. Although I'm not sure where your "energizer bunny" comment came from. Are we missing some background info about that?

I was thinking the same thing, but just assumed he screwed up the title. But good questions.

[D-Lish]

After reading the post I just assumed the title was referencing what she said to him.

[Surfer Dude]

I see several issues why things went totally wrong.

 

First of all, other posters told you you were coming on too strong. Which is not the case. You weren't coming on at all.

 

Now let's analyze your mistakes further:

 

Buying gifts for someone you're not in relationship with? What's up with that? Same goes for paying for her dinner and driving her around. This immediately raises a low value alarm, and shows her that you are supplicating and being desperate.

 

Why didn't you show her you are a sexual creature? You completely downplayed your sexuality (which you have, as a man) in order to appear like a "nice guy". It seems like you had pretty good rapport established at certain points, and had many invitations for intimacy or at least serious making out.

 

She gave you a chance, you blew it. But fear not, because you have now learned something new and you won't repeat these same mistakes the next time. Most posters here blame her for her behavior, but you have to realize your behavior was at fault, not hers.

 

"Nice guys" often have that syndrome, believing that after buying presents and paying for dinners, a woman somehow "owes" him something and if she doesn't reciprocate, then she must be a "cold bitch who used me".

 

Your behavior was completely destitute of any sexuality and that is exactly the root cause of your problem.

[RonZilla]

After reading the post I just assumed the title was referencing what she said to him.

 

Yes thats right , sorry for the confussion

[RonZilla]

I see several issues why things went totally wrong.

 

First of all, other posters told you you were coming on too strong. Which is not the case. You weren't coming on at all.

 

Now let's analyze your mistakes further:

 

Buying gifts for someone you're not in relationship with? What's up with that? Same goes for paying for her dinner and driving her around. This immediately raises a low value alarm, and shows her that you are supplicating and being desperate.

 

Why didn't you show her you are a sexual creature? You completely downplayed your sexuality (which you have, as a man) in order to appear like a "nice guy". It seems like you had pretty good rapport established at certain points, and had many invitations for intimacy or at least serious making out.

 

She gave you a chance, you blew it. But fear not, because you have now learned something new and you won't repeat these same mistakes the next time. Most posters here blame her for her behavior, but you have to realize your behavior was at fault, not hers.

 

"Nice guys" often have that syndrome, believing that after buying presents and paying for dinners, a woman somehow "owes" him something and if she doesn't reciprocate, then she must be a "cold bitch who used me".

 

Your behavior was completely destitute of any sexuality and that is exactly the root cause of your problem.

 

I admitted buying her gifts when I wasnt in a relationship with her was wrong. But I paid for her dinner etc is purely because I know that she does not have a job currently and beside I asked her out.

 

I only gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek after the first time because I didnt want to come on a bit too strong. My best friend ( which is hers as well ) told me that she hasnt quite over her ex bf yet , they went out for 3 years then she found out that he was cheating on her for a girl a lot younger than her.

 

I will definetely take your advice greatly and hopefully I can learn from my own mistakes.

 

I also found out last night that the guy she dating is actually the guy that she has feeling for quite some time but he just finally got the balls to ask her out. So I was pretty much in the wrong place at the wrong time

[Oliveman]

I see several issues why things went totally wrong.

 

First of all, other posters told you you were coming on too strong. Which is not the case. You weren't coming on at all.

 

Now let's analyze your mistakes further:

 

Buying gifts for someone you're not in relationship with? What's up with that? Same goes for paying for her dinner and driving her around. This immediately raises a low value alarm, and shows her that you are supplicating and being desperate.

 

Why didn't you show her you are a sexual creature? You completely downplayed your sexuality (which you have, as a man) in order to appear like a "nice guy". It seems like you had pretty good rapport established at certain points, and had many invitations for intimacy or at least serious making out.

 

She gave you a chance, you blew it. But fear not, because you have now learned something new and you won't repeat these same mistakes the next time. Most posters here blame her for her behavior, but you have to realize your behavior was at fault, not hers.

 

"Nice guys" often have that syndrome, believing that after buying presents and paying for dinners, a woman somehow "owes" him something and if she doesn't reciprocate, then she must be a "cold bitch who used me".

 

Your behavior was completely destitute of any sexuality and that is exactly the root cause of your problem.

This^^^. She was probably feeling things out with you and that's why she didn't mind the kiss on the cheek and stuff, but you were WAY too available and took all of the mystery out of it, and that pushes girls away and kills their attraction faster than you can imagine. I honestly cringed reading a lot of your post. How old are you guys?

[RonZilla]

Oliveman : Shes 22 and I'm 26. By the reading my posts by now you would probably able to tell that I'm really inexperience in this sort of stuff.

[frenchgirl]

Gifts and cold medication are for your girlfriend, your family or your close friends. Your kindness would probably impress some types of girls (I'd say the more traditional ones) but it would seem a bit too much for the average girl.

 

As for being fooled because you had to pay for a meal, wake up, my friend. In order to win, you have to play (and playing costs money!).

 

Your logic suggests that by letting you pay for a meal she would HAVE to accept dating you, and that's silly.

 

Just keep playing, you'll find the right girl.

[BobSacamento]

Sounds like you should have made your move sooner, just get it out of the way and move on next time. Not that she wasn't 100% clear I just would have made my move after the second "date" at the latest.

[Surfer Dude]

I admitted buying her gifts when I wasnt in a relationship with her was wrong. But I paid for her dinner etc is purely because I know that she does not have a job currently and beside I asked her out.

 

Just because you asked her out doesn't mean you have to pay. Besides, why go to those boring dinner dates where you can't build up attraction and induce sexual vibes.

 

If she ever asked you to pay for something that wasn't absolutely necessary (like medicine if she had a headache when you were out together), you can try something like this:

 

GIRL: Why don't you buy me a dinner? I'm a poor student.

YOU: Oh, you want to buy me a dinner? I'm cool with that.

GIRL: No, no.. i meant, I want YOU to pay for my dinner.

YOU: Yeah, it's really cool that you'll buy me a dinner!

Remember to smile big and look like you're joking, otherwise she'll think you're a retard. You use this technique to disarm her attempts at subjugating you.

 

Then you can possibly say:

YOU: Why don't you come over tonight, I can cook some pretty delicious cuisine, that completely stimulates all of your 6 senses. You can experience a whole new world of tastes, with me, completely carefree and relaxed, exploring something new that will change us forever, in the deepest way, together.

 

 

I only gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek after the first time because I didnt want to come on a bit too strong. My best friend ( which is hers as well ) told me that she hasnt quite over her ex bf yet , they went out for 3 years then she found out that he was cheating on her for a girl a lot younger than her.

When you don't show your sexual interest, girls lose interest in you. And it's up to you to create and build up attraction, it's not a random process that is governed by some magical force. Not being sexual and sensual decreases your value as a man in her eyes. Physical touching is also very important in the attraction process.

 

I also found out last night that the guy she dating is actually the guy that she has feeling for quite some time but he just finally got the balls to ask her out. So I was pretty much in the wrong place at the wrong time

You were in the completely right place and the right time. By hearing "he finally got the balls", I can sense that this guy is completely clueless and probably would normally have even lower chances than you, but since he had some initial attraction built up already, she opted for him.

 

Gifts and cold medication are for your girlfriend, your family or your close friends. Your kindness would probably impress some types of girls (I'd say the more traditional ones) but it would seem a bit too much for the average girl.

 

As for being fooled because you had to pay for a meal, wake up, my friend. In order to win, you have to play (and playing costs money!).

 

Your logic suggests that by letting you pay for a meal she would HAVE to accept dating you, and that's silly.

 

Just keep playing, you'll find the right girl.

 

I assume that by "playing" you mean "working multiple women at the same time" which is a very good advice. This will prevent our OP in the future from becoming desperate and needy. But I have one correction though, playing doesn't cost money.