TinTin Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Ok, well, as i've mentioned in previous threads, I struggle with retroactive jealousy.. sometimes quite badly, other times I can go for weeks on end without giving it a second thought. Although I must admit that it has been easing up over recent months... until...! Now I realise this is stupid, but it's just the way I feel. I see that my GF has become friends with several lads over the weekend on her facebook account. I know the names of a couple of her exes and they are now her friends too. I have discussed my issues with her past with her and she has been very understanding. We are very open and honest with each other. I don't want to make this more of an issue within the relationship as well as this stupid issue that I have with myself... and perhaps my own insecurities... I don't know. I have deleted my facebook account to stop me looking at who she is friends with. I trust her wholeheartedly and I don't think for one second she would cheat on me. I just can't understand why you would want someone as a facebook friend who you had a two week fling with when you were 17?? To me it's the same as me keeping pictures or numbers of exes on my phone is it not? I see pictures of other lads who she is friends with and if I don't know them I find myself obsessing over who they are.. has she slept with him, but I daren't ask. I sort of mentioned a while ago to her that I felt like this about her facebook page, and she said if it bothered me that much she would delete it.. I know she would but I don't feel I have the right to ask her to do this. She doesn't converse with these people online, she doesn't have them in her social circle, they are just a picture and a name in a friends list, but it still upsets me! My question of the day is, do I mention this re-occurence of my feelings and risk her thinking less of me, or even worse, re-consider our relationship because of my insecurities or do I keep it myself and get over it in my own way? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Forget asking anyone about anything, unless they're a therapist professionally counselling you on this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TinTin Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 Hmmmm? Whats that now?? Link to post Share on other sites
DanTheMan Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I have been having similar feelings lately as well. And I'm almost a bit obsessive about it. Thankfully my GF deleted about 200 of her old "friends" on myspace which I knew some of which she slept with. There is still one "friend" on her list that I know she slept with but I just try to ignore it because she still considers him a friend even though she hasn't talked to him in over half a year. I'd suggest if you can't get over it, just mention it to her, all the while making sure she understands you know how silly your feelings really are. She'd probably offer a solution as she sounds like she cares for you a lot and wants to make you feel comfortable. Remember, everybody has a sexual past. There's very few good girls out there in the world and the majority of that few are lousy lays anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
amyg339 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 my boyfreind is just like you only he expects me to delete my facebook and bebo. it will get to a point you will obsesse about her mobile, whos shes with, where she is, i think you have a slight trust issue and unless you seek help from somewhere and sort it out its going to get worse !! (Past Experience) x Link to post Share on other sites
bigproblems Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 While i really think that you might be going a bit over board, I can understand your point. You should realize though that its just face book, and if you try and tell her how to use it or who she can talk to on it, it will just create a gap between you to. On the other hand, why women feel the need to keep their past lovers in their current life is beside me... I often dread the idea of talking to anyone from my past, as it tends to lead to bad news. Women should leave these men where they belong, in the past, and not try to keep any sort of connections with them. It is rude and disrespectful to your current partner, especially when the two of you are serious... Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author TinTin Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 Well I know i'm not obsessive about it, it just bothers me. I do trust her, and I don't need to check her mobile, or know where she is 24-7, her career has her out on the road all day visting clients and that doesn't bother me at all. She even has some male clients, and that doesn't even really bother me, as lng as she knows who these people are before she goes to their house so as to be safe. I really dont't know why it bothers me and DanThe Man is right, I know for a fact these are silly feelings, just trying to get to the bottom of it really so I can get over it and start saving for rings!! Ha ha. I love her more than i've ever loved anyone and I realise everyone has a past.. me included, i'm not trying to change that, i'm just trying to get my imagination to leave as just that.. the past..... P.S thankyou to everyone who posts on this site, cos I was driving myself nuts before I found this. It helps to write these feelings down cos saying them out loud just makes you realise how daft they actually are!! Actually... writing them down does that too! Link to post Share on other sites
redshoesgirl Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 Tin Tin I am like you - I hate seeing new females pop up on my bf's facebook/bebo/myspace and can't seem to stop myself from prying about them..I'll ask him outright and he's always disappointed that I seem to view every female as a potential ex. It is nutjob behaviour to get worked up and obsess about social networking sites. I have spent hours and hours filtering through things on facebook, it's a total waste of time. After a while it progressed from faces on Facebook to things in real life, and I took it into my head that my bf shouldn't be keeping photos of his ex's or things from them, like it is disrespectful, and the fact that he didn't get rid of any of those things before I asked him to or kicked up a fuss about them made it even worse. The fact is he just doesn't care about stuff like that, it's not important to him. At the same time as kicking off about these things I have tons of stuff that I want to hang on to, because it is from my life, photos, letters etc, all my memories. Worse still I have ex boyfriends and people I have slept with on my Facebook. My boyfriend never questions me, never busts my balls about having photos or letters or being in contact with people from the dreaded past. You, like me, have to let the Facebook thing go. It is totally unimportant. It pisses me right off, but I have no right to be pissed off. It's all unreal expectations and wanting the world to act in the way that I do. It was a sad day when a control freak like me realised I'm only meant to be in control of myself. I jest...you know what I'm saying though. You should think about whether you have any self esteem and controlling issues...also check out the Law of Attraction...don't go looking for what you don't want to find! Link to post Share on other sites
JennaGennaro Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 I'm sorry this is kind of off-topic, but what is the fascination with these social networking sites anyway (MySpace/Facebook)? From what I see/read in the news, they cause nothing but trouble. Some employers look at these things before hiring candidates and the American accused of murder in Italy (Amanda Knox) had garbage on her account that is questioning her character. Plus, there was that cheerleader in some unflattering photos who lost her job. I think if you want to be taken seriously in a relationship, you shouldn't have any of those immature social networking sites. It seems like high school stuff to me, but I am probably in the minority here since I do not have one (nor want one). And to the OP, I am sorry you are having issues - I hope you work them out. Link to post Share on other sites
amymarieca Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 You say you are not jealous and that you completely trust her. That is not true because you are obsessing over something small. If you trust her, it shouldn't even be an issue. Friends on Facebook don't really mean much. I have 256 people in my friends list. Do I keep in touch with them on a regular basis? No. Some of them I wouldn't even say hi to if I saw them walk by me on the street. Link to post Share on other sites
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