Lauriebell82 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I like how this was ignored by the women on this thread. Women flip out if a guy turns them down. Also, even if I wasnt in the mood I would always still try to please my ex orally or some other type foreplay and I never thought being tired was a valid excuse. I always made sure she was happy because I didnt want her to stray from me. Women are just self centered and think everything should be on their terms when it benefits them. Sheesh, that's a little judgemental don't ya think? I think it goes back to the sex drive. Read some of the threads on this board from women posting about their boyfreinds not being into sex. Do they flip out? No. Are they disappointed? Yes. I think everyone gets disappointed when they get turned down. My BF has turned me down once or twice maybe, due to being tired and sore from weight lifting (he is a hard core body builder). Usually he will at least try to please me in some way though. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 By tired do you mean sore? Yeah, and just physically exausted. After working 8 1/2 hours and then going to the gym for an hour, by 7:00 pm I'm completely wiped out. (I get up at 4:45 am everyday). Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I like how this was ignored by the women on this thread. Women flip out if a guy turns them down. If you'd like to start a thread on that subject, please do so. Until then, this is really off topic to the subject at hand. Women are just self centered and think everything should be on their terms when it benefits them. Another women-hater. Awesome. That said, women tend to "freak out" if their SO isn't interested in sex because TYPICALLY men have a higher sex drive than women do - the result of the differing hormones. TYPICALLY speaking, due to their high levels of testosterone, men are up for it anywhere, anytime. So when a man repeatedly turns down his female SO, it raises flags: is he losing interest, is he seeing someone else, is he depressed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author redant Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 Should I ask him if it bothered him? Maybe we could communicate about it. It's hard to know when and what to bring up. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Should I ask him if it bothered him? Maybe we could communicate about it. It's hard to know when and what to bring up. Any ideas? Before you consider taking action of any kind, ask yourself what you're willing to do. When you know how far you're willing to compromise, then maybe it's time to discuss things with him. Sex is a funny thing, in that all the discussion in the world can't fix a difference in drive or compatibility of expectations. Talking about sexual expectations and differences too much, can kill the romance in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redant Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 I believe I have a strong drive, I like to please and have fun. My concern is does this person truly love me that is what is most important. Sex is great, but I want the whole package. When I was 18 or early 20's I can say I was alot more free, but now that I'm in my late 30's I'm not so free and am wanting some security. Make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 redant, you know my perspective. You also know Tomcat's perspective. You've made your choice which approach to take. Now stick with it for at least a little while. Swinging back and forth between approaches just creates a mind-screw and mixed signals to your partner. Link to post Share on other sites
movingonandon Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I believe I have a strong drive, I like to please and have fun. My concern is does this person truly love me that is what is most important. Sex is great, but I want the whole package. When I was 18 or early 20's I can say I was alot more free, but now that I'm in my late 30's I'm not so free and am wanting some security. Make sense? Makes sense, but you are beginning to self-sabotage yourself the second you begin to explicitly consider the sex in relationship exchanges/calculations. It's a slipperly slope: it's tempting, but once you start thinking along the lines of "if he loves me, then this or that will not matter that much", soon you risk that he'd get sick of it and bail. first goes sex, then taking care of yourseld, then watching your mood, etc., etc., etc. and then all of a sudden it's too late. There is NO substitute fo directly addressing any real or perceived problems in a relaitonship. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Sex is a funny thing, in that all the discussion in the world can't fix a difference in drive or compatibility of expectations. Talking about sexual expectations and differences too much, can kill the romance in a relationship. Amen, sista! Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Sheesh, that's a little judgemental don't ya think? I think it goes back to the sex drive. Read some of the threads on this board from women posting about their boyfreinds not being into sex. Do they flip out? No. Are they disappointed? Yes. I think everyone gets disappointed when they get turned down. My BF has turned me down once or twice maybe, due to being tired and sore from weight lifting (he is a hard core body builder). Usually he will at least try to please me in some way though. Judgemental? I was commenting on what the person I quoted said about women posting here saying how their boyfriends/husbands refused them and they were informed to leave them but as a man we are told to deal with it. How is that judgemental? Ive read some of the other posts complaining about being tired etc... and to me personally thats just lame, Ive refused my ex GF before and she did flip so I decided I better please her or someone else would. The reason why I refused her also was a lot more complicated than I dont feel like it. Women arent used to being told no when it comes to sex. You disagree with that? As far as the excuses women use, I was with my ex for 10 years. I would pleasure her whenever she wanted no matter how tired etc.. I was. She was the same way with me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redant Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 Makes sense, but you are beginning to self-sabotage yourself the second you begin to explicitly consider the sex in relationship exchanges/calculations. It's a slipperly slope: it's tempting, but once you start thinking along the lines of "if he loves me, then this or that will not matter that much", soon you risk that he'd get sick of it and bail. first goes sex, then taking care of yourseld, then watching your mood, etc., etc., etc. and then all of a sudden it's too late. There is NO substitute fo directly addressing any real or perceived problems in a relaitonship. Not sure if I'm getting all this esp "first goes sex, then taking care of yourself, the watching your mood" Can you explain? Link to post Share on other sites
boxing123 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Do you want good advice? Find a way to please him. Bad/man hater advice= Yell at him, or I'll just be really vague, avoid the question, hit it from the side and chalk it up to different sex drives. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Not sure if I'm getting all this esp "first goes sex, then taking care of yourself, the watching your mood" Can you explain? He's saying that it's a slippery slope. You start by refusing sex, then later on you'll start to cut corners on taking care of your hygiene, physicality, and appearance, then finally you'll just lash on him as an emotional whipping boy. It describes a gradual descent into taking your boyfriend for granted. However, I don't really agree with it... and don't want to put words in his mouth. This is just how I read into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redant Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 I think I feel guilty because I said no, but I don't think I should. Thanks for listening! Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Depends on how often you say no. If it's often, it's gonna be a big deal for a variety of reasons. One thing that can happen is that he will start to feel like you are not interested in him, in essence taking it personally. I know that for myself if I get turned down often I stop asking. Turning the tables and initiating yourself can counteract a lot of the negativity that might linger from your earlier rejection; you might even explicitly let him know "hon, I wasn't up for it then but I'm sure ready now" or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redant Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 I don't think it is often. I do like to have the chance to initiate, but he always is so I really haven't gotten the chance except once. Link to post Share on other sites
Rebellious Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I believe I have a strong drive, I like to please and have fun. My concern is does this person truly love me that is what is most important. Sex is great, but I want the whole package. When I was 18 or early 20's I can say I was alot more free, but now that I'm in my late 30's I'm not so free and am wanting some security. Make sense? No... girls don't understand male arousal. It's in your interest to do it as often as he wants, read my posts in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t173010/ And I agree with the other poster -- no talking about sex, just do it! Link to post Share on other sites
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