I want to change my life... not quite sure how...

[justsomeg.guy]

So after years and years of doing nothing and just existing instead of really living, I finally decided to do something about my life.

I am just getting over a bad relationship (see my other thread) so the last thing that really kept me here is gone too.

 

I was always too scared to do anything.. so now I am 25 and haven't achieved anything in life. Nothing really.

There have always been two things in my life that I wanted to do... see the world... and be an artist (filmmaker). While I did make some shorts and finished two screenplays.. i never put half as much energy into it as i should and could. I know I can do it but i was always too lazy and scared to really do it. I had it all planed out two years ago.. i even had locations, the most basic crew and equipment.. but then put

a stop to it cause I thought i couldn't pull it off... stupid.. but thats how it has been most of my life now.

I don't do the things I want to do and should do cause I am scared. Thats why I still life in my hometown even though it doesn't offer me anything

and I grew to hate it over the years... and that's why I had been stuck in a boring and bad paying job just cause I was too lazy and scared to reach out and do my thing. Fullfill my dream.

 

Well... I reached that point where I say.. STOP.. it's enough. You either start living or you can just as well kill yourself.

So despite being scared ****less.. I did start.. or better said... am starting... starting to start

I quit my job,sold a lot of my material possesions (worth doing really!) and have to be out of my apartment in two to three months.

 

So far so good... now I am confused though. The inital plan was to move to Berlin (I saved quite a bit of money over these boring last years), find a small cheap apartment, maybe find a small job that is fun.. .and then give 100% and write write write and trying to pull of that filmmaking thing.

 

BUT... there is also that other idea in my head.. the one about seeing the world. Cause as much as I want to fullfill my dream of making a film.. the dream about getting out there is almost as strong. A friend of mine went to Canada for a year for a work exchange program... I always envied her for that cause she just did it without thinking too much and always said it was one of the best times of her life. Well now I finally am ready to do something like that. I browsed the net for weeks and actually there are so many options... starting with Japan, New Zeeland.. sure it wouldnt be holidays cause you actually really have to work, but I think it would do a lot for me concerning personal growth

 

Now I really don't know what I should do... the seeing the world bit seems nice cause I would finally experience real live... the Berlin bit would be nice cause I would finally start working on that goal that I had since years. Then again the writing and all that could be so much better if I had the experience from the trips out into the world.

 

Sure all could go wrong.. then I'd just return home and start that old job again.. but I think I'd rather do anything but that.. still thats my safety net in the back of my head.

 

What do you think I should do? Both seems good.. both will do good for me.. I just don't know for which one to go first.

[wuggle]

From what you have written, (and only from this as my life is totally different from yours) I would recomend that if you have the money to do it you travel first. This is sure to give you so much more to write about when you find a place you want to settle down and start writing in. You may even find that Berlin isn't the best place to settle and start writing.

 

Go for it, Enjoy life, really what do you have to be scared about ? In 70 or so years you are going to die. On your last day on this planet the only person you will have to answer to for a wasted life is yourself. Go travel, find your answers....write about it.