My poor little Irish heart is in turmoil over this fella,and I don't know what to do.

[Blondiedreamer]

I dont even know if I should be using this forum as I am a teenager with teenage problems and this seems to be for adults.Anyway,I'm gonna ramble on here and maybe some of you more experienced people can help me out.

 

I met a fella two weeks ago at college.There's 5 of us who are all friends and none of us knew eachother before 2weeks ago.We all get on really well and meet up and go to the pub and all that sort of stuff.

 

Last week,i was out with a friend of mine from home and two of the fellas that I only knew a week.We all got really plastered and I spent the whole night flirting with one of the guys.The problem is,he has a girlfriend of 3 years.We went to the bar together and were getting drinks.I was facing him with my arms around him and I went to kiss him,but he stoped me saying that he couldnt do that to his girlfriend.

 

Later,I was going to the toilet in the pub,and I met him on the stairs.We started talking again and both had our arms around eachother and I tried kissing him again,but again he explained that he couldn't cheat on his girlfriend.I apologised for trying to kiss him,but he was all like-it's ok,dont worry.He told me that he really wanted to be with me and if it wasn't for his girlfriend,he definitly would.Now at this stage,as you can imagine,I was turned on big time.Just when we'd be about to kiss,he'd pull away.It was driving me mad,but in a good way,know wat I'm saying?

 

When it was closing time,the four of us left together.We were all going back to the same house.You see,it was so late that it wouldn't be save for me and my female friend to go home alone so we went to the guys' house.On the way back,we started holding hands.He pulled me into a doorway and we had our arms around each other again.Sure enough though,when we'd go to kiss,he'd stop and say " I'm so sorry,I really want to but I couldn't "

 

When we got back to the house,the other two went upstairs.I went to the toilet downstairs,and when I came out,the fella I like was standing in the kitchen.We were the only two downstairs.I walked over to him,and the pair of us started kissing.It was unbelievable.Imagine finally getting to do something that you had been dying to do all evening!It was so passionate.We were totally compatable.He said to me," you know I can't really do this " but we went to his room anyway.

 

We were in bed,and the whole time,he was like"are you sure you want to?" and all this,you know?He wasn't like any other fella I've been with.They're all just usually out to see what they can get from a girl (in terms of sexual gratification).So we fooled around for awhile.By the end,he was feeling really bad.We started talking and he told me how good his girlfriend has been to him in the last while,because you see his mother is terminally ill with cancer and is going to die in the next few weeks.I couldn't believe it because you see,my own mother died of cancer two years ago when I was 16,so I knew just how he felt,and worse still,knew how unbelievably terrible he is going to feel in a few weeks when she eventually does die.I just wanted to comfort him.I told him about the way things happened with me,and I found I could be totally honest with him.I even talked about God and stuff and was'nt worried about sounding stupid or anything.I was seeing a totally different side to him.Before he was always smart talking and cool,but not excessively-a nice amount,if that makes any sense.

 

After awhile,we went to sleep.The next day,he said to me that he hoped the previous night didn't affect our friendship in a negative way.Obviously we couldn't continue seeing eachother as he had a longterm girlfriend that he's in love with.He told me that he had liked me from the very first day we met and that I was the first person he ever cheated on his girlfriend with.I know that's true because I was talking about him with a friend of his who doesn't know anything about that night,and this friend said of the fella I like- "He never has,and never would cheat on his girlfriend".

 

That night only happened last Tuesday.I've texted him once since then(today).He replied twice,but then didnt reply to the last message I sent him.That was only a few hours ago.I guess I'm telling all of you this because I need to know:

1. Do you think the only reason he was with me is because he was hammered drunk?I mean,it's obvious that he wasn't only after one thing,right?Because it took huge advances on my part to get him even to kiss me.

 

2. If that was the first time he ever cheated on his girlfriend,is it because he really did like me,you know?Was I special to him?

 

3. Should I try and develop this further?I mean,do you think I should just go with the flow and hope he breaks up with his girlfriend(which is highly unlikely to happen),or stand up,tell him how I feel,put my dignity on the line and risk making a total eegit of myself?

 

I dont see him that often.Maybe once a week.I just can't stop thinking about the night we had together.The thought of never having one like that with him again seems so depressing.We had a definite connection-I can't pretend it never happened.I've thought about it everyday since.I know he's got a lot going on with him at the moment,and I don't want to put pressure on him,but I really want to be there for him.What do I do if he starts ignoring the messages I send him?I can't just forget about him,but if I keep persisting,I'll probably come accross as needy or drive him away.

 

If you've read all this,then thanks for listening.If you're an adult who's reading this,you're probably thinking-"my God,teenagers are so messed up!"

 

Please guys,just tell me what I should do.My poor little Irish heart is in turmoil over this!

[quankanne]

1. Do you think the only reason he was with me is because he was hammered drunk?

 

Sounds like though he tried hard, he was unable to resist temptation. If you have any respect for the guy, walk away. If he's been faithful to his girlfriend up until meeting you, he's not going to leave this girl for someone who made him shuck his morals, even for a little while.

 

2. If that was the first time he ever cheated on his girlfriend,is it because he really did like me,you know?Was I special to him?

 

Sorry, this is going to sound mean, but no, you weren't special to him in the way that you're thinking. You probably found common ground talking about having a mom with cancer, but any progress there has been canceled by the fact that he did something against his moral code (cheating on his girlfriend). The issue at this point is not whether he ever liked you, but if the two of you can go on with your respective lives without you coming on to him again. I'm not trying to sound judgmental here, just giving a word from the wise. Even if he was interested in you, that will be overshadowed by the fact that YOU were the one who led him to his downfall, and if he's a decent guy, he's not going to want to do anything to be back in that position again no matter how nice he thinks you are!

 

 

3. Should I try and develop this further?I mean,do you think I should just go with the flow and hope he breaks up with his girlfriend(which is highly unlikely to happen),or stand up,tell him how I feel,put my dignity on the line and risk making a total eegit of myself?

 

Just walk away and chalk it up to learning experiences. If you pursue him, he's eventually going to think you're psycho. Especially if you're convinced that he's not about to leave his girlfriend. There are more fish in the sea, ones that don't have a hook attached to them!