djdiablo Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 In October we were talking about, and she agreed not to see, her fling from the summer anymore. Then I left for two weeks for training. And I missed a weekend in my hometown. The first weekend I had missed in our relationship. That Sunday night she says people slept over while her parents were not home. I push and ask exactly who slept over. Turns out it was only her fling from the summer. She tells me she asked all her friends to stay but only he did. They drank together and he slept in a separate bed. THAT is what she told me then. I got super-pissed and tried to tell her to cut all contact with him. Then I realized what I was doing and just said that I am not comfortable with her seeing him one-on-one. I did not break up with her since she told me - was honest. Funny thing is that while she was telling me about it, the guy called her again to come over on the Sunday night. Anyway, I forgave and we have been together since. YESTERDAY, we talk on the phone and she hits me with this. Apparently, they did not sleep that night but hung out in her bedroom drinking and listening to music (she has nothing to sit on there except her bed). NOTHING ELSE. Apparently no cuddling and he didn't lay a hand on her. She says she did not tell me then cuz I would have broken up with her. I probably would have. They did not even kiss while the fling was going on but they had slept at his house in his bed before while we were not together. I forgave again. No lies, no doubts, no games. I told her "the past is the past". At the moment, I think I can actually forget but I don't know if I will feel different when we are in her bed listening to music. The bed where this guy was. Hell, he didn't even sleep there while they were going out. I just don't know where to go from here. Link to post Share on other sites
Ostia Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Hi, I don't really know what to tell you but i have to say im impressed with ur ability to 'forgive' her even though that situation is really complicated and hard to cope with. i think you have every right to tell her to stop seeing him and if she does only in company with other friends etc because him staying over at her house talking till late in the night drinking etc doesnt sound good at all. and perhaps she is not lying to u (what i honestly hope) but it isnt a situation she should get herself in and she should understand ur feelings and distance herself from that guy asap if u really mean something to her. hope it helped somehow PS: I know u have ur own issues... but would u mind looking at my thread called 'lies' (im more in ur gf's situation currently even though completely different). thank you would be glad to hear ur comment! Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 I wouldn't be comfortable at all in your situation OP. Your GF seems to have underlying intentions for this guy and alcohol is only going to help bring them out. Voice to her your concerns and how uncomfortable it makes you feel when she hangs out with this guy alone in her room while drinking. If she doesn't pay any mind to it then get rid of her. Because more likely than not, she'll end up doing something unfaithful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djdiablo Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 I told her that she cannot hang out with this guy one-on-one. And that he cannot come to her house or she go to his house. But I am just so annoyed... How could she have thought it's ok to have him sleeping over? What can they TALK about the whole night? How would they sit? How can I lie where this $#&($& lied and make love to her? Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Wait so he did have sex with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author djdiablo Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 No. At least that's what she says. But what would they have done together the entire night? Talk standing up? One/Both of them must have lied down. And even if they did not, the guy thought there was enough chance for it to happen to call @ midnight the next day and ask if he can come over again... Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Yeah that right there is a huge indicator that something may have happened. I'm tellin you right now that if I spent all night with a girl with the intentions of gettin laid and I did not get laid, I would most definitely not contact her again asking to come over. So either something promising happened that night, or maybe something small that made him think he could get it for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djdiablo Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 Maybe the fact that he knew she had a boyfriend and she still had him over drinking in her bedroom. And the boyfriend was far away. Honestly, thinking back to my earlier days, every girl whose BEDroom I have ever been to I have had sex with after they became my exclusive gf. IMO, it is something so damn sacred. I just don't get it. Out of every damn room in that huge house. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Why are you hanging on to this girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 You are in total denial. She is making a complete fool out of you. This guy she has sex with over the Summer previously. She lied right to your face saying only he stayed over the night and stayed in another room. She then changes the story that he and she spent the whole night in her bedroom but nothing happened?.....Oh please. When you are there this same guy calls and wants to come over in the evening again. I guess the previous night they just played checkers all night in the bedroom which is why he wants to come over again in the evening once more. It is embarassing that you could believe such a story. You know they had sex. She has no problem lying to your face and having another guy who had sex with her previously stay the night in her bedroom after drining. She has absolutely no respect for you and your so-called relationship. If you do not respect yourself then who will? If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would believe this load of crap? Time to open your eyes and look for someone who can respect you and a relationship because this girl cannot. She is a liar and a cheat so why are you with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 dj, this is the same girl who plays jealousy games and TELLS you, you should be more possessive and controlling. So then, you don't stand your ground over serious issues like this? This fling from the summer, what's that about? She cheated on you or weren't the two of you exclusive yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author djdiablo Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 A) She was a virgin before we became exclusive so she did not have sex with the guy during the summer. B) No we were not exclusive while she was dating him. I was in Asia on a 2 month trip. We decided we would remain single before I left and see what happens when I am back. But she was sending me emails while with him that she misses me, etc. Plus the guy was still in a relationship with his ex. C) I know it's hard to believe that the guy did not try anything at her house in that situation... I honestly feel the relationship is kind of dead. I'll see what I feel when I see her tonight and this weekend. If I still feel sort of a spark there it would be cool. If not... I'll end it. Link to post Share on other sites
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 You say she did not have sex with this guy during the summer. Yet you called it a fling. Then he spends the night in her room? This girl does not understand what boundaries are. She may have been a virgin when you got together, but she isn't now. Do you think there is anyway that she might have wanted to screw someone else to see what it was like? You need to dump her. She has already proven she is a liar. She is not ready to be in a relationship. She wants to sleep around a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djdiablo Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 This happened a while ago. What am I going to do now? Break up with her over something dumb she did in October? I have already forgiven her? If it happens again, if ANY BS happens again or if she does not return my love, it's over. I will do my best to make it work but there is no more bending over backwards that I can do. I swear to you guys I am no longer going to take any sh*t from her. I did it because I love her. But my friend told me sth interesting: (He just got out of a similar relationship): "Once you DO break up with her you are going to regret not ending it early and giving her all these chances." I am giving her one more chance. If anything goes wonky before February 23rd, whether I am in town or not, this relationship is OVER. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 dj, this little huss is lying her ass off. She already changed her story, and even if she didn't do anything, which is complete bs, it was HIGHLY inappropriate for this guy to stay over. She'll be looking to get another man inside her the minute you are gone for any length of time. Get rid of this ditch pig and move on. You don't deserve this. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Ok, just read this This happened a while ago. What am I going to do now? Break up with her over something dumb she did in October? That aint all that far away. and it seems as if you want to justify not breaking up with her as something just "dumb" that she did. Ok, take your lumps as they come my man. I have already forgiven her? If it happens again, if ANY BS happens again or if she does not return my love, it's over. i don't think it will be over. You'll be finding another excuse to stay with her. I will do my best to make it work but there is no more bending over backwards that I can do. What is there YOU can do? She is the cheater. and yes, she cheated, you can be certain of that. I swear to you guys I am no longer going to take any sh*t from her. The day you let her lie to you twice and still forgived here shows you are taking sh#t from her. I did it because I love her. Uh huh, and she spent time with another man because she loves you? WAKE UP!!!! But my friend told me sth interesting: (He just got out of a similar relationship): "Once you DO break up with her you are going to regret not ending it early and giving her all these chances." Your friend is wise and absolutely correct. I am giving her one more chance. If anything goes wonky before February 23rd, whether I am in town or not, this relationship is OVER. I hope you hold to that, but I don't think you will. Why? because you downplay what she does as something "dumb" as a justification for staying with her. But good luck my man. Link to post Share on other sites
Ramrod Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Denial. It's amazing. I wish I could delude myself into believing BS like that because my life would be so much easier to live. She wants to tell you but is only laying it on you in bits and pieces my friend. She banged this guy when you were away and she will do it again. Dex doesn't have the heart to tell you because he knows you don't want to hear it and he knows, eventually she will confess to a little bit more as her conscience eats away at her over time. Listen to him, he reserves the ditch-pig label for special cases, you will inevitably catch her in a lie, or one of your friends will step-up with the truth. Cut her loose my friend, your in the military, she is not loyal or faithful to you now, what will it be like when your in combat and this hussy is jacking with your mind? Get rid of her NOW!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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