FrustratedEnergy Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I don't even know where to begin: An old ex of mine, reached out to me, and in doing so, I gained contact to an old friend of mine. Throughout my life, the majority of my friends have been male, but this situation is just different. He's great and I've missed him ever since that break because he was a great guy. We've been spending time together, going out, having fun. He's an honest, good hearted guy. He's snuggly, warm, caring towards me. We were joking around one morning, and we were talking about swinging. He really wants to do this with me. I don't know what to do / think? Has anyone experienced this? Link to post Share on other sites
manchvegasgal Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 From my personal experience you have to ask yourself "Have I ever thought of doing this before? If so have I ever actually wanted to do it, but I've just been waiting for the right person to agree to it?" If the only reason you're even contemplating this is because you want to keep him close, this isn't the way to get close. Jumping into an experience like this can put a huge wedge between people: you do it once, one person loves it, the other just goes along, and then a few months later they want to do it again, now you're thinking "Hey, I did it that once for you, isn't that enough...why am I not enough?" You really REALLY can't hold your tongue on a topic like this. He's obviously not shy or worried about letting it all hang out, so you have to let all your reservations be out in the open too. ...and if you do decide to try it, and you absolutely hate it, don't fall into the mind trap that now you're stuck doing it over and over. Link to post Share on other sites
Heroic Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 So your going to get close to an ex...by having sex with other people? There is a saying in the lifestyle...If you want to play you have to bring one. He is using you. Link to post Share on other sites
joh2141 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 manchvegasgal is right. Firstly, is this just a thing that you want to clean the pipes or are you doing this because you want to be closer? Your intentions MUST meet your decisions. If you just want to keep him close and you do it, then you WILL fall into the trap because once you submit to it, it is much more difficult to get out of it. If you want to keep him close but do not want to, then don't do it, easy as that. If he distances himself from you, then it's clear he was trying to use you. Take it from a guy's perspective though. I'm not saying this is what is going on, I'm saying this is a possibility. So let's say I'm with an ex. I mean, I would maybe have gotten over you or not. There is always, though, a physical attraction between different sexes. So I get close to an ex, and we seem to be real close friends again. Now, that might either send me the message that the girl might still have feelings for me or they just missed me as a friend. Either way, a guy can take initiative to try to do what your ex did. We aren't all shallow, but some guys are needy while some guys are addicted. Take into consideration all the possibilities if you decide to do it. In general, a f**k is a f**k, and it doesn't hurt if it is mutual. If not, then like I said, say no. Link to post Share on other sites
Plato Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Be true to your principles! What are they? Do you mind him having sex with other people...some people don't I guess...but if this is easy for him, IT WILL ALWAYS BE EASY... behind your back or not! Link to post Share on other sites
LostLamb Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Your friend wants to swing with you but doesn't go out with you? I am confused.It sounds like he needs a plus-one /unless you were talking about sexual fantasies. Sounds too complicated to me! Link to post Share on other sites
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