OK So I am an Arse

[irishsimon]

I've had a good look at the commitment phobic list and almost everyone I know..men and women... display at least some of these traits. In the original article the author says 'some or many'. So how do you know? i think articles like this can lead to muddled thinking and resentment for what are often legitimate issues for some folk, who may want nothing more than to commit.

 

Where do you draw the line? There's a few in there that I would say I have displayed at one time or another but I would never consider myself a commitment phobic.

 

I see this on the boards time and time again..its a biggie... but IMO there's many on LS that complain about their partner, ex, whatever when really they should look at themselves a little more. That wasnt directed to anyone on this post. I think the % score keeping is a bit crass all the same.

[curiousnycgirl]

So far he has been as good as his word. He arrived last thursday night, and slept here each night through Monday morning. It has given us some more time together, but not as much as you would think.

 

He did not arrive Thursday until 9:30, borrowed my car Friday morning to go back to his place (he had an appointment around the corner) - did not come home until after 8 pm (note to self, he doesn't get my car again) - and then we did have the weekend together - with 24 of our nearest and dearest joining us Sunday for the superbowl.

 

I think key to this moving forward will be for us to actually REALLY spend more time together - in other words awake - and for us to actually talk about things. To his credit he has started to call me every single evening - which was more catch as catch can in the past.

 

It's only been one weekend since we said we'd try - so I'm trying not to expect too much, while not allowing myself to be complacent and fall back into the old routine.

 

We shall see. I promise to be better about updating and I really appreciate everyone's input, support and where necessary smacks.

 

Will let you all know.

[sunshinegirl]

I'm sad.

 

You sound like you're already settling for less than you want.

 

After 4.5 years you want commitment, marriage.

 

But now you're trying to act happy with getting a phone call every morning and him kinda/sorta showing up earlier on weekends.

 

[curiousnycgirl]

Sunshinegril - I aprpeciate your concern - and I understand how you are reading it. However I don't necessarily disagree with my b/f - we do have issues that need to be resolved.

 

I was willing to move forward on faith - knowing that there is nothing so huge there that we can't overcome it. But I understand his position that we need to make sure we resolve these issues before we fully move forward.

 

I am acknowledging the good things he is doing, while still recogonizing the stuff that is not so good. Overall I think I'm being realistically cautious - I'm not overjoyed at the good things, but they do warrant acknowledgment.

 

I hope that makes you just a little less sad.

[Trialbyfire]

Just one thought which doesn't really need to be expressed because you already know this nyc, the minute he starts backpedalling or evasionary tactics, is the minute he should be held accountable for his words and actions. Strong and reasonable boundaries based on need, not want, help to reduce any ambiguity.

 

Life's a risk. Each person has to be willing to take a leap of faith, some more cautious than others. I'm one of the latter. It sounds like nyc is closer to one of the former. In doing it, she's made a choice, a choice which could bear positive or negative fruit. She knows that she's doing it and is willing to risk it, due to not wanting to live with regrets of pulling the trigger too soon. As long as it's not a scenario of back to the old grind, maybe, just maybe, things will work out. I think most people who've had exposure to commitment-phobic/passive aggressive personality types are aware that continuous forward movement is unusual. Most often forward movement is self-sabotaged, many times to the point where there's loss not gain.