My husband cheated on me and now he wants a divorce!

[AlektraClementine]

While I agree that couples should have open sexual discussion and I think it's healthy to entertain some of the fantasies of your husband or wife, I think everyone has their limits.

 

To the gentleman who suggested that if you don't do the things your husband wants, he should leave you for someone who will:

 

Are you mad? What if she were willing to swallow semen and take it in the bum, but perhaps not be willing to try a threesome? Should he leave her then too? That's ridiculous. Or better yet, let's say the girl in the relationship wants her boyfriend to try taking it with a strap - on...would you find it reasonable for your girlfriend or wife to go find someone else who will? Please.

[Lucky_One]

You know what's really on my mind though? I feel like going to a club and hooking up with a total stranger. I'd do all the things my husband wanted me to do to him. This would be my revenge over this whole mess. I hope I meet someone much larger than my husband.

 

I want you to really think about what I am going to type.

 

You are willing to experiment sexually for revenge, but you won't experiment sexually with the man you supposedly love.

 

That's messed up.

 

(Granted, i haven't seen one protestation of love in this thread, so I am just going on a glorified assumption that you love him.)

[brokenheartforever]

A lot has happened this week.

 

On Tuesday, I received a call from one of my very first boyfriends. I think we were 13-14 back then. To make a long story short, we ended up in bed and I did EVERYTHING with him. I hated every second of it.

 

My husband called the next day and wanted us to talk. Things weren't working out on his end and he was telling me how sorry he was. We ended up having sex and I did EVERYTHING he wanted me to do. He was amazed and kept asking for more.

 

Fast forward to yesterday... My husband has been calling and calling. I felt so dirty for doing the things I did that I am now certain that our relationship is over.

 

I think I'm going to take things cool for a few weeks and then I'll be back on the dating scene!

[Geishawhelk]

You are one crazy fudged-up individual and you were senseless, stupid and reckless in your behaviour.

What you did was dishonest, vindictive, mindless and utterly cretinous and basically, you've just screwed yourself up even more.

 

What the heck were you thinking to accomplish by all of that?

 

You hated every minute of wanton sex with a man you knew as a child.

You hated every minute of wanton sex you had with a man you've rejected before because of your own repressed sexual inhibitions.

 

And you did this to yourself....why, exactly?

[2sunny]

for some reason this thread smells like a troll.

[Javelin]

I'm speechless, staggered if you will...

[Enema]

It's not real guys. Troll troll troll.

[brokenheartforever]

It's not real guys. Troll troll troll.

 

What do you mean? This is my life and it certainly is more real than the rainbow in your avatar.

 

The tables have turned and now my husband is the one in pain and I have the decisionmaking power. My heart is broken forever and there is no chance I will ever get back with him.

[brokenheartforever]

You are one crazy fudged-up individual and you were senseless, stupid and reckless in your behaviour.

What you did was dishonest, vindictive, mindless and utterly cretinous and basically, you've just screwed yourself up even more.

 

What the heck were you thinking to accomplish by all of that?

 

You hated every minute of wanton sex with a man you knew as a child.

You hated every minute of wanton sex you had with a man you've rejected before because of your own repressed sexual inhibitions.

 

And you did this to yourself....why, exactly?

 

I'm not sure that all of the adjectives you used were necessary. You could've conveyed the exact same message differently.

 

As you may have guessed, I'm an emotional mess right now and no matter what sexual acts I was prepared or unprepared to do, I am not the one who cheated and asked for divorce.

 

Keep that in mind before you insult me next time.

[Geishawhelk]

Oh, trust me, I wasn't insulting you. You'd know if I was....

 

I just - like everyone else - am completely dumbfounded by your illogical, mindless, self-defeating, vindictive and frankly tastelessly nasty behaviour.

How about answering the question?

 

What the hell were you thinking, and why subject yourself to this?

 

If you think this was just revenge, you have another think coming.

 

Two wrongs don't make a right, and your behaviour was absolutely completely off-bat and utterly brainless. No wonder you're an emotional mess, but to have indulged in behaviour that essentially demeans you and disgusts you is completely self-defeating makes things worse, not better.

I sympathised with you before, but frankly now, Im have no sympathy for you whatsoever. You get the life you deserve through the actions you take and the consequences thereof.

I doubt you're proud of yourself.

 

The tables have turned and now my husband is the one in pain and I have the decisionmaking power

.

I don't see how. You're just more screwed up than you were before. In more ways than one.

 

My heart is broken forever and there is no chance I will ever get back with him.

What on earth makes you think that such behaviour gives you power?

If your heart is broken, know that without any doubt, you had a hand in it. And if I were your husband, after this stunt - I wouldn't want you back.

Idiot he may have been,

You - you are simply priceless.

[anne1707]

On Tuesday, I received a call from one of my very first boyfriends. I think we were 13-14 back then. To make a long story short, we ended up in bed and I did EVERYTHING with him. I hated every second of it.

!

 

I'm curious. How does someone you went out with 22/23 years ago when you were at school have your telephone number?

[Ramrod]

I want you to really think about what I am going to type.

 

You are willing to experiment sexually for revenge, but you won't experiment sexually with the man you supposedly love.

 

That's messed up.

 

(Granted, i haven't seen one protestation of love in this thread, so I am just going on a glorified assumption that you love him.)

 

You know, it's amazing how whenever I am reading a thread and come across a detail which catches my eye, no sooner than I read it, then I find your well-timed and thoughtful insight.

 

You've quite an eye for these details. Bravo! I second your take.

 

There is some hositlity beneath the surface with the wife don't you think? Unresolved negative emotions towards sex? In need of therapy?

[Ramrod]

What kind of a loser posts fake threads?

[JaydaLeah]

You dont divorce your partner just because you are not getting the kind of sexual activity you want. What is marriage? Sexual satisfaction only? Its depressing seeing how people have treated marriage so pathetically these days. Is marriage not the fruits of love that results in a family? What does 4 kids mean to him? Nothing?

 

Leave him, my dear. For a man who gives up 15 yrs of marriage and 4 kids just for sexual satisfaction, he dont deserve a committed wife like you. You deserve a real man who loves you, and he, can get all his satisfaction even in a whore hse. These kinda thing makes me skeptical abt men and marriages. Sex is beautiful and pleasurable bcoz you are doing it with someone you love - be it anal or BJ or what not. But if it becomes just for the sake of doing it, or for the thrill... it becomes meaningless. Just my personal opinion.

[brokenheartforever]

I'm curious. How does someone you went out with 22/23 years ago when you were at school have your telephone number?

 

The wonders of Facebook!

[brokenheartforever]

You dont divorce your partner just because you are not getting the kind of sexual activity you want. What is marriage? Sexual satisfaction only? Its depressing seeing how people have treated marriage so pathetically these days. Is marriage not the fruits of love that results in a family? What does 4 kids mean to him? Nothing?

 

Leave him, my dear. For a man who gives up 15 yrs of marriage and 4 kids just for sexual satisfaction, he dont deserve a committed wife like you. You deserve a real man who loves you, and he, can get all his satisfaction even in a whore hse. These kinda thing makes me skeptical abt men and marriages. Sex is beautiful and pleasurable bcoz you are doing it with someone you love - be it anal or BJ or what not. But if it becomes just for the sake of doing it, or for the thrill... it becomes meaningless. Just my personal opinion.

 

Thank you for your support.

 

Finally someone who understands me!

[Geishawhelk]

I know... I must say it was more complicated than just that but essentially his major complaint was my unwillingness to "try" all of these dirty things for his sole pleasure.

 

I know I am on the more conservative end of things and have fully acknowledged it. The fact that others do it and enjoy it is irrelevant as I'm not judging anyone. I am how I am. I do not enjoy such practices, it makes me really uncomfortable to even think about doing it. Ultimately I am just not turned on by such acts.

 

When you've been with someone for so long and that person suddenly comes with "new ideas" on how to make love, it is difficult not to react strongly to it.

 

And while I agree not talking to him won't help matters, at this point I think it's better for us to remain "professional" rather than friendly.

 

No but I am old enough to realize I won't suddenly reach the other end of the spectrum. There are things that I like and things that I don't -- and I have no control over that. I can't push myself to enjoy things unless I have to fake it.

 

 

...And then the sh*1*t hit the fan....

 

 

You know what's really on my mind though? I feel like going to a club and hooking up with a total stranger. I'd do all the things my husband wanted me to do to him. This would be my revenge over this whole mess. I hope I meet someone much larger than my husband.

 

To make a long story short, we ended up in bed and I did EVERYTHING with him. I hated every second of it.

 

My husband called the next day and wanted us to talk. Things weren't working out on his end and he was telling me how sorry he was. We ended up having sex and I did EVERYTHING he wanted me to do. He was amazed and kept asking for more.

 

Fast forward to yesterday... My husband has been calling and calling. I felt so dirty for doing the things I did that I am now certain that our relationship is over.

 

 

Throughout your posts you have outright condemned the things your ex-h wanted you to do. You have expressed distaste, disgust and revulsion at them, and every resistance of even trying something "after all this time".....

Then suddenly - !! Wham! You go and do something that is apparently completely out of character, and that you are still repulsed by - just to get even with your Husband - ?!?

 

You still persist in refusing to answer my questions.

Why the heck did you do this?

What on earth did you think you would achieve?

If you are so repulsed by it, why would you subject yourself to something you consider degrading and disgusting?

 

Is it any wonder we don't understand??

Why not try to help us understand how your mind works - ??

[Enema]

Hook, line, and sinker. :/

[Lucky_One]

And you still don't mention the emotion of love.

 

I think that you could benefit from some serious counseling. You have got some huge hang-ups, both about sex and about how to behave in a adult relationship.

 

While I can't say that cheating is an ideal response to a bad situation, I do have to wonder what your husband's side of this story would be. I suspect that he might be a bit of sympathy from this board.

[youngandinlove]

I feel bad for you but i think all of this is really funny especially because a lot of the women and men giving you grief are OW and OM themselves, your getting the grief from other cheaters wow...

[Dexter Morgan]

Hello everyone,

 

I've decided to join this board as I'm going through extreme emotions right now. I am 36 and have been married for almost 15 years to the father of my four beautiful children.

 

I caught my husband with one of his co-workers having phone sex and he confessed that he had slept with her. I was devastated but was totally unprepared for the next punch. Turns out he files for divorce!

 

He is bailing out on me and on our children simply because I won't cater to his every sexual need!

 

And guess what......he is probably the type of guy that will never be satisfied with what he has. He'll never be faithful. Consider him wanting a divorce a godsend to you.

 

As far as bailing on you and your children, make sure you get child support and 1/2 of your share of the marital assets/investments/retirement...etc.

 

I know you probably don't see his wanting a divorce as a good thing, but trust me, when the shock wears off and you can see him for what he truly is, you'll realize that you don't want a jerkoff like him and can do much better.

[gwynieatpain]

Ok, then you are getting a divorce! I hate to be blunt, but I would have divorced you years earlier. Poor guy -- many years of sexual dissatisfaction. I feel for him. As your husband evolved and wanted to try different things, you didn't, so what do you expect?

 

Maybe you should have told him "Honey, I'm sorry I won't do these things. If you want to see another woman for that, then I am OK with it"

 

Then you wouldnt be getting a divorce !

 

But you didnt, so you expect him to stay with you??

 

OMG ... you serious? So you mean if couple who are sexually incompatible the dissatisfied party should go looking out for new sexual adventure?

 

Tell me about it. If your gf or your wife tells you that because you are getting old and cannot perform sex like you did when you were young and she wants to file for divorce ... what do you think?

[gwynieatpain]

Brokenheartforever I feel so sorry about your situation.

 

No good advice here. I'm nt married nor having kids but I believe that you deserve respect from your husband for not pushing you to try those sexual acts.

 

I hope you can do better.