FERSHEEZY Posted September 24, 2003 Share Posted September 24, 2003 so my bf and i have been dating for about 4 months...exclusivly. he is having trouble getting over his ex. they were together four years and broke up in january of this year. it was a dysfunctional relationship and he says he has no desire to get back with her. we have a wonderful, healthy, happy relationship, but he says his heart isnt in it 100% right now. he wants to be with me without a doubt though. is this normal for him to still not be over her? how can i help him get over her? he's 27 and she still calls him once in a while, but she has a new bf and she also knows about me...help!! Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 24, 2003 Share Posted September 24, 2003 Oof. (that was just the sound that escaped my lips when reading this post.) You're definitely not in an enviable position. It sounds as though you may be the recipient of the rebound mentality. Also after four months, there is a good chance that simply due to the time elapsed in the relationship, that his heart may not be in it 100%. Unfortunately, there is nothing YOU can do as his new gf to help him get over his ex. If you want to make the best of what you have with this fellow, be trustworthy; don't smother him, but let him know you're around if he needs support or whatnot. Four years is a rather long time to be in a relationship, and although the breakup occurred several months ago, it will take time for him to heal, so in response to your question of "is it normal," I would have to answer with a resounding YES. Be the best, most loving, most supportive girlfriend around, but do not get into the habit of self-sacrifice; remain true to yourself as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FERSHEEZY Posted September 24, 2003 Author Share Posted September 24, 2003 does it seem like i may just be a rebound? it doesnt treat me like one at all. and he's honest with me. if i ask him about her he answers all my questions, but he doesnt talk about her at all any other time. we get along great and our communication is outstanding. i know he isn't looking to date anyone esle either. what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
sean001 Posted September 24, 2003 Share Posted September 24, 2003 Hi, I was actually in your situation from your bf's side several years ago and the woman I met after my ex of 5 years I ended up falling completely madly in love with (more than even my ex). But the transition was a slow one and I agree with the previous reply that you have to "take it easy." It took me a full year to get over my ex of 5 years, and I would imagine it would be the same for him. There are just too many reminders during that first year to set you off thinking about your ex (birthdays, holidays, even songs on the radio, etc.). But the point is I DID get over my old relationship and had the absolute most loving and caring relationship I ever had with the woman I started dating a few months later. For reasons beyond our control and completely not our fault (could be the subject of another post) it unfortunately never worked out between us, but the love we shared was a lifetime's worth. I think the most important thing is that he feels like he can talk to you about his feelings and that he is honest with you about where he is at. Link to post Share on other sites
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