Lydia_444 Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 I am a 20-year-old college student. I am a fall athlete, and this season we got new coaches -- a husband and wife. They are in their 40s, and have been married 25+ years. The husband flirts with all the girls on the team. He certainly dances on the line of inappropriateness, but has never really crossed it. His wife just tolerates it -- she never appears upset. The problem is, I am in love with him. I mean, really, truly in love. I have never felt this way about a man -- this isn't some teenage infatuation. It is real. He seems to pay a lot of attention to me, but so far we haven't had time alone, so I don't know how he really feels. But we smile and joke with each other, and make suggestive little comments. True, he does this with some other girls, but with us, I think it's a different level. I don't know where to go from here. I am in no position to make a move, but the feeling between us is mutual. I feel the desire burning in my heart. The season will be over in the blink of an eye, and then I won't see him for close to a year. Should I just forget him?? There is something so sad about love's ending, especially love never fully realized. Help! Lydia Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 Did the thought ever strike you that your coach is a married man...married to a woman who is also a coach at your school? I hope you will consider having respect for their marriage as well as being aware of the incredible scandal and heartbreak you would create by getting something going so close to home. I mean his wife is right there. I also hope you will consider the concept of karma. If you start screwing around with a married man right there practically in front of his wife, someday you own husband will screw around with another woman very close to you. Just forget about this. If you decided to go forward, you'll be in for more pain than you ever imagined existed on planet earth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lydia_444 Posted September 25, 2003 Author Share Posted September 25, 2003 Tony, I see where you're coming from ... but he flirts with us (college girls) in front of his wife. He makes no attempt to hide it. And she doesn't seem hurt or anything. Do you think that's appropriate? He is our coach. I know this guy will fall into my past, but until then, it is painful. Lydia Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 this isn't some teenage infatuation. OK, let's examine this a bit more closely. He seems to pay a lot of attention to me You're not even sure that he does. If all the time you spent together is real quality time, then you'd think you'd know. so far we haven't had time alone I see. So you have spent no one-on-one time at all with this man. But you have had long conversations in which you've gotten to know him as a person, understand his mind and what makes him tick. But we smile and joke with each other, and make suggestive little comments. Right. No real conversation. A bit of flirting. I guess maybe if he singles you out for his attention you might think this is something special. True, he does this with some other girls, but with us, I think it's a different level. So you are basing having fallen in love with him on banter that you share, which is not different from that he shares with others. Perhaps if you've known him for years you might have fallen for him. this season we got new coaches You've known him then for what - a few weeks? but the feeling between us is mutual. How could you possibly know this if you have never spent any time alone with him in conversation? I feel the desire burning in my heart. Yes, you have the hots for him. EVERYTHING you have told us is exactly the description of an infatuation. First of all, you don't make moves on married men. Secondly, you need to understand what love is and how to distinguish between desiring someone and being in love with him. Being 20 doesn't mean you are now immune to crushes. Enjoy the crush for what it is - fantasy can be fun - but absolutely do not make a move on this man. If nothing else, he could get in a heap of trouble in terms of his job. Stay away and check out the guys on campus. You'll find someone else to fall for soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lydia_444 Posted September 25, 2003 Author Share Posted September 25, 2003 I know that if he truly likes me, he probably wouldn't act on it. Please understand, I have never been in a situation like this before. Please have patience with me! Lydia Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 This is just a crush is all I'm saying. Know this. Don't imagine yourself the heroine of some tragic love story. Recognize the crush and treat it as a crush. It can be a lot of fun to fantasize about someone as long as you draw a line between fantasy and reality and don't try to cross it. Crushes are a kind of 'high' and can be a treat for a while; the trick is to not take your feelings seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lydia_444 Posted September 25, 2003 Author Share Posted September 25, 2003 moimeme, Thanks for the sound advice. Lydia Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 you know, use your brain here please. if this man is disrespectful enough to his wife to flirt with yall in front of her, then what would make him anything worth even lusting over? you are in lust, by the way. not love. girl get a grip..... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 if this man is disrespectful enough to his wife to flirt with yall in front of her There's flirting and there's flirting. There's a flirting that is 'just kidding' flirting. Adults do it for fun and laughs but everybody knows there is zero intent behind it. This is the sort of flirting this guy is involved in, I'll bet. The type of flirting that involves intent is quite different and unless the couple is into threesomes, it is highly unlikely that he is conducting anything untoward in front of his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
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