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I'm Getting Married

Ocean-Blue

By Ocean-Blue,
in Getting Married

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Ocean-Blue

Ocean-Blue

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Hello Loveshackers!

 

It looks like Ocean-Blue will be tying the knot this summer. I'm pretty excited about it, though I still grapple with some of the issues I've posted about here since joining.

 

I have always appreciated the sage advice I receive here.

 

I wanted to share this news with you, since you have been around to see some personal growth on my part (and a lot of regression, too). =O)

 

Cheers!

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curiousnycgirl

curiousnycgirl

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If you are happy, then I am happy for you. What wonderful news - all the very best!

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Ocean-Blue

Ocean-Blue

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Thanks for the wishes, jerbear. :)

 

And TBF, you know how I roll. ;) I decided to take the plunge. I can't sit around, wondering. It feels right. The details and the specifics need work, obviously. But I think I'm good to go. I think I'm ready.

 

I am happy, curious. Thanks for your wishes.

 

It's too bad that things aren't neat, complete with the perfectly tied ribbon. But maybe that's point, for me anyway... To progress as I go along, instead of waiting for perfection.

 

:love:

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Kamille

Kamille

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Yay! Congrats OB! You know what they say about relationships: they're never without areas for improvements. The important thing is: you love each other and quite obviously both want to make it work.

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Lishy

Lishy

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You are marrying the dude who won't have sex with you and who calls you names?

 

Why?

 

Marriage is not a band aid and not to be taken lightly!!

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trubella

trubella

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You are marrying the dude who won't have sex with you and who calls you names?

 

Why?

 

Marriage is not a band aid and not to be taken lightly!!

 

i had to look back on her threads to see what you were talking about, and i see big red flags that should be blaring the OPs face, i can see if there were minor issues but there are major ones she has presented in the past that doesnt seem to be resolved.

 

my question is also "Why?" i hope for you and your fiances sake you two seek pre-marital counseling before taking the plunge. but i seriously think you just aren't compatible from some of your previous concerns coupled with his behaviour.

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Ocean-Blue

Ocean-Blue

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You are marrying the dude who won't have sex with you and who calls you names?

 

Why?

 

Marriage is not a band aid and not to be taken lightly!!

 

Hey Lishy. I appreciate your question. Yes, we have had our share of problems. Perhaps I'm being incredibly naive, but most of them are situational. We have been in an LDR for most of this relationship. He is by no means perfect. Neither am I. All I know is that I love him, and know without a doubt that he loves me. I'm not going into this with my eyes closed. I know there will be problems and issues to resolve. I'm learning to resolve my own internal problems, and he's learning to be a better communicator.

 

Be both want to be together. We have decided that the alternative isn't good enough. We want each other and will work through everything that comes our way.

 

As for the sex, we've discussed that and I've realized that a lot of it is temporary (either that or I'll be back here, post summer, being hysterical again).

 

But I do appreciate your well-meaning warning. I really do.

 

congrats O-B and remember to keep him on a short leash :lmao:

 

Thanks, alpha. He's not one to be kept on a leash. I'm not even going to try. ;)

 

i had to look back on her threads to see what you were talking about, and i see big red flags that should be blaring the OPs face, i can see if there were minor issues but there are major ones she has presented in the past that doesnt seem to be resolved.

 

my question is also "Why?" i hope for you and your fiances sake you two seek pre-marital counseling before taking the plunge. but i seriously think you just aren't compatible from some of your previous concerns coupled with his behaviour.

 

trubella, yes, there are many issues in this relationship. But at the end of the day, you weigh your options and the pros and cons. That's exactly what we did. Sex was a major issue. But that is the result of other issues. I'll be the first to admit that I bear a lot of the blame - I have a tendency to be dramatic and overly sensitive. It's not just with him, it's how I work. Being with him has made me re-examine myself and my behaviour. It has forced me to ask myself how sincere I have been. I have been manipulative, angry and incredibly selfish over the years. Until he came along, I honestly never questioned myself. He is a strong person who doesn't make qualms about who is, nor does he allow me to make excuses and walk all over him. Some may think he's a jerk (which he can be at times), but I love that he's strong. We are not a perfect couple, by any strech of the imagination. But together, we've both become better people, believe it or not.

 

We have talked about counselling in the past. There's a good chance that we'd eventually get MC, at some point. At the end of the day, when you have the chance to marry the love of your life, wouldn't you take it?

 

Wow!! When did this happen? Did he just propose?! Congratulations! :bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

Thanks, shadow!!! I wanted to tell you on IM, but here's just as good I guess. :) Marriage was on the table for a while. It was just finalized recently.

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trubella

trubella

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We have talked about counselling in the past. There's a good chance that we'd eventually get MC, at some point. At the end of the day, when you have the chance to marry the love of your life, wouldn't you take it?

 

love alone just isn't enough to make it work when you have major issues in a relationship/blatant incompatibility, this is something i've realized after a recent break up even though i loved him more than life itself, so i can honestly say no i wouldnt marry if there was lingering issues that could present themselves even after marriage.

 

but i do hope you guys follow through with MC, could be beneficial to your relationship.

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sb129

sb129

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Ob, while I am happy for you, I think that pre MC could be beneficial to you and your fiance.

 

Its not negative- its often a very positive step. I have friends who are H & W, and they got married relatively young, and are still very happy together 9 years later. My friend credits alot of it to the compulsory preMC you have to undertake if you want to get married in a catholic church.

It deals with core issues that are deemed to be important enough to be discussed pre-marriage.

 

I had a look at the questions, and downloaded some others from another website and my H and I sat down and talked about all of them before we got married, and I am really glad we did.

 

The questions are often obvious like "where will you live?", but actually if you are in a LDR, that is a very very relevant question.

Other questions relate to finances, children and other key issues that you may think you know the answer to already- but have you truly discussed them?

 

I think its a very wise idea to consider at the very least doing what my H and I did with these core questions, and if any issues are flagged/raised as a result of this discussion consider formal pre-MC.

 

You have everything to gain from it.

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Shygirl15

Shygirl15

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Hey girl,

 

CONGRATULATIONS!

 

It's always great to hear someone getting married. I trust your instinct; if you feel good about it, it surely is good!

 

I'm not big on MC so my advice would be that you try and encourage direct and honest communication between the two of you first; this is a key factor in building trust in a relationship. There also several good books on how to promote a healthy relationship/marriage that could be useful to you. All the best.

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