devinmusicman Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 Hi everyone, It's been a while since I last posted here. I am experiencing great deals of ex anxiety, and I'd like to seek out some advice if anyone has any for me. It seems that I can't experience one emotion for very long these days. For the last 3 or 4 days, I had not seen my ex at all (except in class on occasion, which I'm getting slowly used to). I've found that when I'm not reminded of, or see my ex, I'm ok. I feel down sometimes when I let my thoughts run away with me, but all in all I'm ok. But when I lose that security bubble, like I did tonight at the dining hall, I fall apart and become a nervous wreck. Tonight my roommate and I were sitting and eating, and one of my ex's friends (we'll call her "I") sat down to eat with us. This was no problem, until she said that "T" (my ex) was on her way. I suddenly felt myself shaking slightly, and I politely said that I couldn't sit there. "I" completely understood, and felt bad about making my roommate and I move from the table we had originally sat at. As I sat at the other end of the cafateria, I just couldn't really stop shaking. I kept thinking about "I" and "T" over there, talking about what a wuss I am. And I am a wuss in this respect, but I simply can not handle even looking at her really. I left the dining hall an extremely tense and unhappy person. I'm now back in my room, still shaking slightly and trying to calm myself down by typing it all out. And all for just hearing that "T" was going to sit at the table that I was at. This can't do. I know that I cannot let her continue to "win" like this. And I feel that my moving tables was just another "ok, T, you win again" move. I am glad that at least now I can say that when I'm not around her or not reminded of her, I'm not a complete mess. But I keep on retreating. Over and over. How can I break this cycle? Thanks guys, Devin Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 come on dude, we are in college here. simply dont converse with her friends and dont be at a place that you might know she will be at. who cares what they or she thinks of you. its your life and you will handle things how you will handle them. its not about winning or losing. its about being healthy and living your life so you are happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author devinmusicman Posted September 25, 2003 Author Share Posted September 25, 2003 Jalexy, Thanks for responding. I really do wish it was as easy as simply not being where she is. Believe me, if I had my choice, I would never see her again. But the fact is that I run the risk of running into her no matter where I go on campus, and while I don't hang out with her friends, I still see them on occasion and remain friendly with them. You suggested that I never be in a place where she is: simply not possible. I have to learn do deal with reality. And as for "who cares what she thinks of me". You are absolutly right. I shouldn't care. And I don't really, not very much at least. Right now what I care about more than anything is getting myself back in the position of not being freaked out just by the possibility of her presence. And lastly, I know it's not about winning or losing. Essentially, the game is over (if there ever was a game to being with). What I meant by this was that I felt that my leaving the situation was making myself seem weaker than she is. She didn't actually win anything, except perhaps for the table. Yet I felt as if I had come away from the situation the weak one. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 the weak one I can't help but point this out to you, in the hopes that you can recognize it for what it is: fallacy! If you don't have the ability to be around this person, it does not in any way make you weak to choose to not be around her. She makes you uncomfortable, so why force yourself to be in an uncomfortable position? Jalexy makes a very good point in saying "Why should you care what she thinks?" The truth of the matter is you definitely shouldn't, but you still DO, and in order to help speed that process up, you're going to have to remove yourself from the uncomfortable circumstances. So what if she feels she's chasing you off? The point is not that she's chasing you off; the point is you don't HAVE to be around her. Period. Don't give her the pleasure of watching you sweat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author devinmusicman Posted September 25, 2003 Author Share Posted September 25, 2003 Thanks guys, it's refreshing to hear that I'm not weak in this sense. I honestly don't think I am either. It's just not healthy for me to be around her, and therefore I don't want to be. Tonight I just felt like I pulled a France and completely retreated. But I did what I felt I had to, otherwise I probably would have done something I would have regretted in her presence. And you're right, as long as I know that what I did, I did for myself and NOT for her, then her thoughts don't really matter. Link to post Share on other sites
jezebelle Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 Having just broken up with my fiance I understand what you're going through. It's not always easy or possible to remove yourself from a situation where you may see your ex, but here's my advice: Tell yourself that You Don't Care. It doesn't matter if this is true or not right now, if you tell yourself over and over again that you don't care that your ex is there...one day real quick, you'll say "hey...I really don't care if she's there or not!" You sound like a great, funny guy (loved the line about France!) and trust me, there are plenty of great single girls out here! Link to post Share on other sites
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