What can I do NOW?

[El Scorpio]

I'm going through a lot of this stuff--making "big" changes, fixing myself, fixing my entire social life (I have NONE), liking myself, self-esteem, confidence, etc etc etc.

 

But I always find myself sitting at home, on the computer, feeling wickedly lonely, going online to read, write, and hopefully inspire myself. Then (after a few vodkas/lime juice) I start getting that feeling.. that little chilly feeling in my chest.. like, okay, I know, I'll find me a supplemental part time job (searching craigslist..).. I'll take more classes this fall (so I go register online).. find a new apartment!! (sign up on westsiderentals..).. now I'm feeling GOOD.. fuzzy.. hopeful. Then I turn off the computer, and it's like.. the magic goes away. The quietness of my apartment and the sound of the clock ticking brings me back to reality..

 

Cause I need to do something NOW. As in now now. But I don't have a single person. It's just me, my car, my alcohol and cigarettes. I live in LA, so I usually end up driving around, stopping at a bookstore, get coffee.. but it's SOOO FREAKINNN BORINGGG and trust me it never leads to some random adventure. If anything, it depresses the f**k out of me!! Because I just don't got that kind of vibe or whatever that feels any satisfaction by these casual encounters.

 

I guess my point is.. I'm working on making friends but it's a SLOW process. It leaves a lot of down time, and for some reason, I always find myself having this energy to do something at the most inappropriate time, like 4am on a wed morning. Between work and depression.. I'm either too tired or uninspired during normal hours.

[jerbear]

How about joining professional groups or afterwork happy hours or start one?

[Geishawhelk]

Volunteer.

For any organisation that is crying out for helpers. to help homeless people find shelter and something to eat.

For an animal organisation to clean the shelters out and tend the animals.

 

Think outside yourself.

Think out there.

The best and most productive way we can help ourselves - is to help others.

You have no idea - you will never know (unless you try) how simply, breathtakingly wonderful it is, to make someone who has nothing in life, at all - smile.

 

It will open a world up for you like you've never known.

[NWSTRT2121]

Volunteer.

For any organisation that is crying out for helpers. to help homeless people find shelter and something to eat.

For an animal organisation to clean the shelters out and tend the animals.

 

Think outside yourself.

Think out there.

The best and most productive way we can help ourselves - is to help others.

You have no idea - you will never know (unless you try) how simply, breathtakingly wonderful it is, to make someone who has nothing in life, at all - smile.

 

It will open a world up for you like you've never known.

 

Kudos to you Geishawhelk. I have had a very hard time regaining self esteem and moving on in my life after I ended things with my ex girlfriend well over a year ago and I am not the most outgoing person, but I knew that one of the only ways I was ever going to feel better about myself and making a real contribution to society was to somehow be involved in some kind of volunteer thing. Last semester in school I hung out with a troubled teenager a few hours a week and it was rewarding making him happy and being able to relate with him and give him a little life coaching.

 

This semester I've decided to take on the challenge of teaching a married man who is a landscaper how to read and write because he really wants to be able to read to his kids at night. My first session with him is this week and I honestly can't wait. Sometimes I feel spoiled living in America with my parents who pay for most of my schooling and expenses. It makes me feel empty inside, but I hope that my reaching out to someone who doesn't have what I have will help make me appreciate things more and bring me some satisfaction in my life instead of always sitting at home wishing I had a gf and more friends.